Rev. Erudite Redneck, B.S., B.S., M.A., M.Div.

Click and click and listen. Very cool. --ER

Some people say there's no such thing as "the black church." Some people are wrong. They are ignorant of history and blind to reality. And some are supremacists of one kind or the other.

Wouldn't it be just like God to speak to America through the voice(s) of American blacks -- those who, in our history anyway, have been the most marginalized and spat upon, and misunderstood? The ones most likely to have gotten Jesus's attention?

--ER

I love this. Tip of my Resistol to Alan.



Conditional love can't be Godlove, because that would make it humanlove, which either means that God is human, or we are God -- and if *that's* true then ... We humans should have mercy on us all.

Which, really, is Jesus's marching order ... for ... us ... humans.

A gloss on theories of atonement.

I personally tend toward the Moral Influence view of atonement.

But in the wee hours, I admit, I adhere to the Gaitherian view. Let those who will mock, mock.

--ER

New record! I just put up the Christmas decorations! The tree came down quite a while ago. But the other stuff just stayed put, more or less.

Drywall-paint guys actually are coming today. Next: Take down photos and art from walls. I took pictures first, for posterity I might not put the stuff back up, since, you know -- ha ha ha -- I'm supposed to be movin' to Colorado, ha ha ha.

--ER

Prayer of Confession this morning at church:

Lord of Life, we like to think of ourselves as modern, progressive and civilized. But the old religion of the altar, blood sacrifice, and an angry God continue in new guises. Why do we still believe that we must offer up something in order to earn credits with God? Why do we continue to link violence with the divine, and death with the holy? The God of all creation is not far from us, but neither is this Great Mystery to be confused with our shrines, our passions or our love of privilege and comfort. We need not bargain. We need only serve. In the name of Jesus of Nazareth who opened the heavens we pray, Amen.


Scripture reading (one of my favorite passages):

Acts 17: 22-31

Cool:

God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'

--ER

It's my neighbor Dough's fault. He and his young'un, who's about as tall as half a hoe handle, were settin' out 'mater plants yesterday afternoon.

As whupped as I was from mowin' the front yard, edging the way the Good Lord intended (with a half-moon edger at the end of a handle), hoein' the back yard (not kidding: dandelions 3 and 4 feet tall, and I ain't lyin'), and stackin' the dandelion carcasses in a corner, then mowin' and hitchin' the mower up and mowin' again, this after makin' two runs to the Ace, and one run to the Tractor Supply, and havin' not eaten anything much but an egg and bacon sandwich from the Sonic because I was saving up for the ham steak, redeye gravy, butter beans and biscuits I did eventually have for supper ...

Despite all that, Dough and his own little Biscuit inspired me to make yet another run, to Lowe's, which was a goldarn pandelirous madhouse, to buy 'mater plants. But dadgum it, I wish I could find some Rutgers transplants. Best cultivar, an old one, for flavor and texture. Period. What I got was Homestead (which I saw someone described as "Rutgers for Florida" [it was developed in Homestead, Fla.]; we'll see), Better Boy, which comes too big for my personal taste, and, ha, a variety called Patio, which makes a dwarf plant and fruit that probably are too small for my tastes. But hey, with four containers, I've got big 'uns, little 'uns and my preferred size of love apples on the way.

--ER

I tiptoed around the tum-tum all week. Then last night, I welcomed it back to the land of the fully livin' by test drivin' one of the new all-you-can-eat tickets at the RedHawks game.

Two Tecates with salt and lime at Maker's to start. OK, OK! Yes, with a tequila shot per.

Then, at the ballpark:

One huge 3.2 beer (beer not included in all-you-can-eat ticket), and, over the course of the game, one order nachos with "cheese" product and jalapenos; two standard-issue hot dogs with mustard-relish-ketchup; one bag hot peanuts in the shell; one cotton candy for dessert; three Pepsis of the size that used to be considered large but now seem small, but are plenty.

No harm. No foul.

I did notice that I dreamed last night for the first time since I took ill last weekend.

I dreamed that a rainbow coalition, all colors and creeds and economic persuasions, were walkin' by smilin' big, carryin' signs for Obama and chantin' "Yes, We Can." I caught one of 'em in the eye and said, "Si, se puede."

Actual dream.

--ER

I mean ... Awww!

"Happy Cat Day!" Bird said when she called. Eames has spent the required 10 days awaiting her mommy or daddy to come rescue her from the pet rescue place where she lives, and no one showed uo for her.

So, it's official: The ER's have an auxiliary cat.

Ice-T, primary cat, is not going to know what hit him.

--ER

Awesome glimpse, perhaps, of the kinds of abilities we all were supposed to have!

--ER



(Tip of the Resistol to new ER visitor Doc, of Day of the Doc (clever dude this Doc.)

I reckon this is about right.

What do y'all think? I think my favorite region is up around the Dakotas.

--ER

Oh, man. These are my now my favorite online rednecks! Other than my own self, I mean. Red State Update.

--ER

Of course Hillary won Pennsylvania! Snakehead (James Carville) was right when he said Pennsylvania was "Philadelphia and Pittsburg separated by Alabama" or something like that -- but he meant white Alabama.

Dang it. I was hoping she'd lose mainly so the rest of the way people'd vote for Obama to end the drama, as they say. But she didn't. So, rock on, y'all.

The truest test of the party's character -- gasp, spit even I have to laugh at the very idea of either party having anything approaching "character" -- will be how they handle the superdelegate issue.

My inner partisan and stident of government and history says parties can handle their internal affairs however they want to -- and delegate selection, and what the delegates do, is a party function.

But, perception is reality, and the reality is if they do anything to shortcircuit what people think, rightly or wrongly, is a function of their God-given democratic rights, there will be hell to pay in November, if not in the dang streets in Denver this summer.

Etc.: I already routinely smell of tobacco and Old Spice, occasionally mints, and whiskey. And now Bengay. I need to be somebody's grandpa. Bird! YankeeBeau! :-)

--ER

OK, this video made me uncomfortable the first time I saw it. But I got over it.

I can see how people could be offended it, I think. I mean, if they worship Hispanic actors who depict a gay Jesus dancing to a Gloria Gaynor tune and getting hit by a bus. Those people should be mortified.

But, really! To confuse this harmless parody with the reality of the Risen Christ! Y'all who are freaking out can just keep yer Little Bitty Helpless Jesus.

(BTW, can someone explain to me the complex subtexts here? Or it is just a silly video?)

Why it's an issue.

An example of someone bearing false witness about it, and the real reason he's twisting the truth, ironically, in the name of Christ (he's a pastor; if everything he does and says isn't in the name of Christ, he needs to hang up his robes): "There should be enough dirt on Obama to keep him well away from 1600 Pennsylvania Blvd."

The facts.

--ER

The low-register growl of a lion.
Slow-draining bathtub.
Glass packs.
Jake brakes.
Somebody spitting through a gap between their front teeth.
Ice-T the cat's kitty version of a big cat's growl.
Big taller-than-a-kid yard ball bouncing.
Water hammer.
Large rain stick.
Small rain stick.
Grease gun.
Juicer.

Those lovely sounds and more have emitted from my G.I. system, but trapped inside my bod, since Saturday night! Takes bein' sick to appreciate bein' well, I reckon.

The worst passed, so to speak, between 2 and 5 a.m. today -- worst stomach pain I've ever had. I kept thinking I was the cow in the corn and was prayin' for the farmer to come stick a knife in my side to let the air out. Oof.

I lived. Yesterday and Sunday are a blur. I can't believe it's Tuesday! Off work today, too. I'll work tomorrow from home. I went to Walgreens for provisions earlier and it like to wore me plumb out.

Sucking down the Gatorade today. Had a tunafish sammich and some Fritos for lunch. I think it's time for a nap.

--ER

No connection with the previous post, 'cause neither of the wimmins is illin' but good Lord I feel like I have one of these critters in my innards tryin' to get out.

Good thing I made them patties extra large, 'cause I have had 7-Up, ginger ale, a cup of crackers in milk and a little chicken noodle soup since Saturday night. Ugh.

--ER

Fine day! Dr. ER and her friend, Dr. Ms. E. Aaron P. (DrLobo, you know who this is), are in there eatin' ERburgers and watchin' "Parent Trap." (Yep. That is 7 patties made from 4.06 pounds of ground beef.)




Fine time, y'all, is bein' had by all.

If I haven't said it lately: I love my wife. :-)

--ER

banging out a lengthy and involved story having to do with mid to high finance that actually was fricking assigned to me while I was on vacation; talking to a techno-guy about adding video to something I edit every week; doing some grunt-work page-proofing that I'm responsible for (I cherish that hour or two each week because it's concentrated, I do it in a quiet place where I'm usually undisturbed and I get to Wield the Red Pen!); consulting with Bird and a third-party medical billing company on an unresolved insurance issue from December, when she was still a college student and on my own insurance; taking off at 4 p.m. and running to the other side of Oklahoma City to buy some official Kinky Friedman ceegars (eh; they're OK; sorry, Kinky!); and sittin' and readin' "Homo Faber" with Bailey, the semi-'tarded weinie dog and Riker, the sophisticated and regal Pembroke Welsh corgi ...

I plumb forgot to blog today!

Now I have.

Dr. ER is in the house, BTW, and we'd planned on going someplace where I can satisfy my craving for shrimp scampi. But she's totally conked out in there on the dang couch because, well, she gets worn out pretty easily.

So we might hit a Meskin joint that's closer by. Or, I might order a dead fish pizza.

--ER

A stem from this post, wherein I am found, again, to be a Conservative Democrat. Discuss.


1. The growing number of newcomers from other countries threaten traditional American customs and values -- AGREE.

or

The growing number of newcomers from other countries strengthens American society -- AGREE! Change is hard. The point is not the change; it's how we deal with it.



2. Homosexuality is a way of life that should be accepted by society

or

Homosexuality is a way of life that should be discouraged by society -- DISAGREE!!!! It's not a way of life.



3. The government should do more to protect morality in society

or

I worry the government is getting too involved in the issue of morality: AGREE: But, We are the People; we do have the right -- that is, the sovereignty -- to make such decisions; the balance is that this is not a democracy; majority does not overrule freedom and equity (fairness)!


4. Most people who want to get ahead can make it if they're willing to work hard

or

Hard work and determination are no guarantee of success for most people: AGREE. Hard work and willingness can get you far; but some people are trapped by circumstances beyond their control, and sometimes those circumstances can be ameliorated by We the People.


--ER

Led by the sheriff his own self, no less! It's like a perfect storm to create a worldwide -- heck fire, intergalactic! -- news story!

By JUSTIN JUOZAPAVICIUS

ARAPAHO, Okla. (AP) — Authorities have charged a western Oklahoma sheriff with coercing and bribing female inmates so he could use them in a sex-slave operation run out of his jail.

Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess resigned Wednesday just as state prosecutors filed 35 felony charges against him, including 14 counts of second-degree rape, seven counts of forcible oral sodomy and five counts of bribery by a public official.

Read the whole dadgum sordid tale.

--ER

OK, y'all -- and this means all -- until you know how to use hyphens, just quit. Surrender your hyphens! You can leave them in the comments.


From The Associated Press Stylebook:

Dash (--). Make a dash by striking the hyphen key twice. Put a space on either side of the dash: Smith offered a plan -- it was unprecedented -- to raise revenues.

Hyphen (-). Use a hyphen for compound adjectives before the noun: well-known actor, full-time job, 20-year sentence. Do not use a hyphen when the compound modifier occurs after the verb: The actor was well known. Her job became full time. He was sentenced to 20 years.

Do not use a hyphen to denote an abrupt change in a sentence -- use a dash.

:-)

--ER

"Eames" is the name Dr. ER picked for the new she-kitty, shown here incarcerated in her Houston-area hospital-jail cell. It's the name of one of the detectives on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," which Dr. ER loves (and I tolerate).

Dr. ER says, however, that she reserves the right to revise and extend the kitty's name after she meets her.

And thanks to DrLoboJo for finding the ghost in Eames' eye!



--ER

Oh, boy.

And this'un is gonna cost a bundle just to pick up! Bird is in Houston, I'm in Oklahoma City. I told her I'd meet her at, like, Corsicana, Texas, or something -- at least I might could pick up a fruit cake while I'm at it.

Sigh.

Name for this auxiliary kitty is as yet unknown. Bird says Dr. ER has one picked out, from "Law and Order," to match "Ice-T," so named because he's black and he had street cred (was all beat up and bloody and fleabitten) when we got him.

Ice-T will NOT be amused.

Read all about his origins in the ER household:

"Smitten by a kitten."

"Meet Ice-T (Sweet Tea, Catmeat)."

Read more about Ice-T!

--ER

***UPDATED WITH GRAPHIC. THANKS TO DRLOBOJO.***

"If the world is sane, then Jesus is mad as a hatter and the Last Supper is the Mad Tea Party. The world says, Mind your own business, and Jesus says, There is no such thing as your own business. The world says, Follow the wisest course and be a success, and Jesus says, Follow me and be crucified. The world says, Drive carefully -- the life you save may be your own -- and Jesus says, Whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. The world says, Law and order, and Jesus says, Love. The world says, Get and Jesus says, Give. In terms of the world's sanity, Jesus is crazy as a coot, and anybody who thinks he can follow him without being a little crazy too is laboring less under a cross than under a delusion."

--Frederick Buechner, from "Listening to Your Life."



Why don't we hear that preached more? I've never heard any of the TV "preachers" say anything like it. And I've never heard any of the supposed parachurch organizations, the Culture War warriors, says anything close.

They have reduced Jesus Christ to a brand. Like "Intel Inside!"

"Jesus Inside!"

Really?

--ER

Some questions from the quiz, and my answers. Discuss.

1.
Books that contain dangerous ideas should be banned from public school libraries

or

Public school libraries should be allowed to carry any books they want -- AGREE STRONGLY, "they" being the school librarians and local school boards working together and not giving undue attention to voiced ignorance.



2.
Government is almost always wasteful and inefficient

or

Government often does a better job than people give it credit for -- AGREE, on core duties especially. I think states, especially, will rue the day they privatized so much of their sovereignty; I'm thinking here of privatized prisons mainly. And the nation, already, should rue the privatization of *its* sovereignty to private contractors in the the war in Iraq. Accountabilty to the people goes to hell in a privatized handcart.



3.
Immigrants today strengthen our country because of their hard work and talents -- AGREE, but mainly because the assertions in the other question -- "they take our jobs, housing and health care" -- are false.

or

Immigrants today are a burden on our country because they take our jobs, housing and health care



4.
Religion is a very important part of my life -- AGREE

or

Religion is not that important to me



5.
The government should do more to help needy Americans, even if it means going deeper into debt -- AGREE, but mainly because the other question -- "can't afford to do much more" -- is ludicrous. If we can afford guns in Iraq supposedly for the national defense without, then we can afford butter at home for the national defense within.

or

The government today can't afford to do much more to help the needy


Sigh. It's gonna be slow around here with both GKS and DrLoboJo sidelined. I think they butted heads so hard they butted each other plumb out of the blogosphere.

--ER

This is funny -- I don't keer who y'are.

--ER

Take the quiz.

I'm tellin' ya: I'm no liberal, politicswise: It's the crazy right wing that makes me, and others, seem that way.

On matters of faith on the other hand, I'm radical as hell, so to speak.

Me:

Conservative Democrat

Based on your answers to the questionnaire, you most closely resemble survey respondents within the Conservative Democrat typology group. This does not mean that you necessarily fit every group characteristic or agree with the group on all issues.

Conservative Democrats represent 14 percent of the American public, and 15 percent of registered voters.


Basic Description

Conservative Democrats’ religious orientation and conservative views on many social and political issues set this group apart from the other Democratic-leaning groups, Liberals and Disadvantaged Democrats. Conservative Democrats’ views are moderate with respect to key policy issues such as foreign policy, regulation of the environment and the role of government in providing a social safety net. Their neutrality on assistance to the poor is linked, at least in part, to their belief in personal responsibility.


Defining Values

Less extreme on moral beliefs than core Republican groups, but most oppose gay marriage and the acceptance of homosexuality, and support a more active role for government in protecting morality. No more conservative than the national average on other social issues such as abortion and stem-cell research. Most oppose the war in Iraq, but views of America’s overall foreign policy are mixed and they are less opposed to Bush’s assertive stance than are other Democratic groups.


Who They Are

Older women and blacks make up a sizeable proportion of this group (27% and 30%, respectively). Somewhat less educated and poorer than the nation overall. Allegiance to the Democratic Party is quite strong (51% describe themselves as “strong” Democrats) but fully 85% describe themselves as either conservative or moderate ideologically.


Lifestyle Notes

46% attend church at least once a week, 44% attend Bible study or prayer group meetings, a third (34%) have a gun in their house.

--ER

Got the front yard in shape today. It took about four hours. Just "in shape," not purty. Flowers and landscape plants are next. And a new layer of mulch.

Got a tank sprayer, some Roundup concentrate and some other stuff bought to take care of the backyard whenever the wind stills and the temp gets up above 60 for more than a minute.

Got bills paid and mailed.

Got the larder restocked.

Talked to Dr. ER on the phone about job opportunities in Denver area.

Talked about housing options for us.

It was a workaday kind of a day.

Adult themes.

:-) What did YOU think I meant? :-)

--ER

Cool views, dudes. (Pix by ER) ...



And Dr. ER is going back up to Estes Park today for the weekend. ...



She was so sick last weekend, she never hardly even got out of the cabin. ...





Her own camera trigger finger is itchy!

--ER

Y'all know I'll never rest until there's another set of letters for me to gratuitously put behind my name, whether it's Ph.D., M.Div., or Th.D. or whatever.

Here's a program that really has my attention. Frankly, it's the ownly graduate program in journalism I've ever seen that I thought might be a pitcher of warm spit.

It's that land-grant approach: It's higher education for sure, but if there's no practical application for it, a land-grant college ain't gonna be teachin' it.

What thinkest y'all?

--ER

Read all about it. The police sergeant quoted in the story is a high school friend of mine. Muldrow is my home town.

--ER

That's how long my relative tranquility lasted this first day back at work, and then someone's assy attitude caused that old familiar gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Why do people have to suck?

Sigh.

But hey, I'm still on a snowshoeing Rocky Mountain High, and if a certain task doesn't get done -- because it came up while I was off, and I just now found out about it, and it's technically due tomorrow, and I still have yet to plow through almost 800 e-mails that came last week -- well, tough titty, said the kitty.

'Cause the milk of my patience with assy attitudes has run dry.

--ER

Welp, since I got my first real vacation in four years behind me, things are liable to start happenin' fast on this Oklahoma-to-Colorado thing. Maybe not. We'll see.

But ...

Uno. I got the drywall-painting guys coming next week. They get done -- to the tune of about $3,000 -- and I'll be comfortable putting the house on the market.

The housing market is only a little slow here, not dead or hellish like it is in so many other parts of the country, and prices-values are firm. The biggest sticking point to me trying to sell has been the hole in the garage ceiling! The drywall guys will fix that, and repaint the great room and kitchen while they're at it.

Two-o. I just applied for a job in Golden that's right up my alley -- I mean, if the alley is in the Public Relations neighborhood rather than the News neighborhood. But I am qualified to do it, I have the skills to do it, it's an interesting area that I personally find important -- and doggone it, people like me! :-)

Three-o. I just found a Ph.D. program at Colorado State University, in Fort Collins, that is right smack-fricking-dab up my alley, if yer talkin' about the Communications neighborhood in the town of Academe. And I just looked at CSU on a lark. The more I think about it, the more I can see me in this program -- even though it's not a history Ph.D. program.

--ER

Ray Adam Modisette, 20, Marine reservist, disobeyed a lawful order in order to take an American flag away from antiwar protestor.

Read this thorough account of a very complicated balancing of the three-legged stool -- freedom, order, fairness -- that this country rests on.

He was lauded around here as a hero.

My first reaction was that Modisette was no hero, that the police robbed him of minor hero status by not pressing charges against him. And now, weeks later, I still think so.

It's a wash. Everybody did what he-she thought was right.

The wacko "Westboro Baptist 'Church' " nutjobs had their sick protest. The anti-wacko biker protestors had their anti-protest protest. The Christian group from Norman had its protest.

Modisette did what he thought was right be taking the flag away from the wacko woman stuffing the flag down "her nasty trousers." The police arrested him. And the prosecutor, in consultation with the police, used his discretion to decide not to press the charge.

Modisette might have been a minor hero -- an actor of minor civil disobedience willing to pay for a minor crime. People already were collecting money to post his bond.

Alas, Modisette is no hero. He was robbed. The prosecutor robbed him.

--ER

(Belated post inspired by this one from Anomalous Data.)

Just flew in from Denver, and boy are my arms ...


I'm back at around 1,200 feet above sea level now in central Oklahoma -- and earlier my ears were givin' me fits -- and it sometimes takes a few days to get 'em right again.

But, I was singin' to something on the radio in my truck comin' back from the airport -- and I'll be danged if that didn't loosen 'em up some.

So, after I got the dogs fed, watered and petted, and got the cat fed watered and petted, and his poop barn (it's got a roof) depooped, and got the hermit crabs glanced at, I got my guitar out and sang and picked around some until my ears are back to mostly normal.

The video is Dwight Yoakam's "The Heart That You Own."

And I also went through his "Two Doors Down" a half-dozen times or so. And Alan Jackson's "Between the Devil & Me."

I keep thinkin' I might get whatever kind of setup I'd need to post audio -- but I'd have to get my blisters back on my frettin' fingers, and get back what little bit of voice control I used to have, before I'd subject y'all to that.

--ER

Arizona 5, Colorado 2. Dang it. The Rockies started the year in quicksand. Good game other than that. Oklahoma State star Matt Holliday knocked a homer -- finally. Great seats over third base, as you can see. And in Denver, Coors even tastes good.

--ER

Well, each for his own unstated reasons, two of my most loyal and regular commenters have gone on hiati -- Geoffrey and DrLoboJo!

I am countin' on the rest of y'all to step up! Elsewise, I'll get all lonesome and stuff. And I'll try to be more reliable bloggy buddy at y'allses' places, too. :-)

Now: Off with Dr. ER, who, since yesterday morning, has been laid low by her own version of the crud I brought up here; she has mustered the energy to do a little shopping and to dine this evening.

--ER

I'm hooked. I knew I would be. Must be all the readin' I've done on the advancement of the frontier!

I think I did real good! Half-mile in, to Bear Lake, and the half-mile out, between 9,500 and 9,750 or so feet. Then, a half-mile in and back out from the trail head at Glazier Gorge. Both in Rocky Mountain National Park.

Dudes. For a boy who grew up at about 500 feet above sea level -- and spent so much time in the river bottoms, which they call the bottoms for a reason -- and now lives at about 1,200 feet, well, I'm plumb pleased.







Woo hoo!





And now I go to eat a great joint of meat -- another one, since I had a lamb shank for supper (and leftovers for dinner today).

--ER

Gasp. Gasp. Wheeze. Gulp. Gasp. We are here. Wheeze. Gasp. Gulp.

7,522 feet elevation. Gasp. Gulp. Multiple trips from and to the car. Wheeze. Gasp.





But it's beeyooteeful here.

:-)

--ER

The Ames Monument is about 15 miles east of Laramie, Wyo. The bottom layer of stone comes up to about my neck.

Took Dr. ER's still-new Ford 500 down a muddy dirt road to get to it. She was aghast. Pbhthth.

Ha, I kept it off the snow- and ice-covered trail up to the thing! Took some cool far-off-silhouettes, with dark clouds -- but forgot to take some with my phone. So, enjoy this stock photo until I get to where I can put my own pic up.

Ghost towns rule, BTW. In addition to Sherman, Wyo., where the Ames Monument is, I blew through Tie Siding, Wyo., and Virginia Dale, Colo., each of which have colorful tales to tell.

DrLobo, you will perhaps be amused that I learned some Oklahoma history today while reading a historical marker on U.S. 287 near Virgnia Dale. Here is something about it.

Now, I knew that some Cherokees had gotten up a train and headed to the California gold fields in 1849-1850, 'cause those years are at the center of my expertise in Indian Territory history, and the trek was big news at the time. I did not, however, know that it helped establish a trail -- the Cherokee Trail -- that was used for years and years.

It's as if I had known that Charlie Goodnight and Oliver Loving had run some cattle from Texas up to Colorado, but I'd never heard of the Goodnight-Loving Trail!

--ER

OMG. I have got to learn to start paying better attention to what Dr. ER is saying. She "won" the tickets to see Bon Jovi, all right. She "won" a Ticketmaster auction! Holy Jersey garage band! Look at the price. Your eyes are not tricking you. Times it by two.

Gah. Oh, and gah. One more thing: Gah.

BUT (this is a big BUT): This was Dr. ER's lifetime dream concert experience.

The last time she went to a concert (not counting a honky-tonk venue or three with me over the years) was to see AIR SUPPLY at the municipal auditorium in Wichita Falls, Texas, in the '80s. Neither of us had ever been to an arena show. The closest I'd been was to see Three Dog Night in the '80s at the rodeo grounds in Fort Smith, Ark.

We took ear plugs, and used 'em. Hey, we know about sound decibels from NASCAR races. And we were on the front row, man. I could have touched the speakers.

It was a blast. Dr. ER was so happy she cried. She is conked out over there on the bed, trying to recover from her total wild-abandon dancing, in time to get on a plane this evening for Carson City, Nev., then back tomorrow evening (I'm going to either drive up to Laramie, Wyo., or down to Colorado Springs, while she's gone, haven't decided.)

Chris Daughtry is great, played 45 minutes. But he and his guys have 25 years to go to get as great as Bon Jovi, who played 2 and 1/2 hours. Our seats were just about directly in front of Sambora's place on stage. Hugest happiest room full of people I've ever been in.

Big highlight for me was Bon Jovi's touring fiddle player-vocalist, Lorenza Ponce! Had to do a little googling to find out who the hot-as-a-firecracker gal was on stage, but wow! Hot! And she played the 'lectric violin somethin' fierce, too. I will be picking up one of her four albums.

I thought about takin' a bottle in, but decided to leave it in the car -- Robitussin.

At the end, one of the floor men saw me stumbling and swaying and said, "You all right?" I said: "Dude. Too much to drink on an empty stomach. Water. And Robitussin." He looked suspicious but laughed.

Of course, we were on our feet for most of 4 hours, and me feeling sicker than I have been in years. Mr. Phentermine and Ms. Robitussin helped a lot, dried me up and gave me an energy boost, and I was drinkin' water the whole time. At 9:50 p.m., I was all in. Had to sit, and stayed sat until 10:20, which was OK since Messrs. Bongiovi and Sambora were behind us in the audience on a side stage.

Then I got another wind and lasted standing for another half hour, collapsed in my seat, but then by sheer force of will got up for "Dead or Alive."
It was over just after 11 p.m. Freezing cold outside and on the ride home; I thought I was gonna die. Made it back to The Hole -- that's what we call Dr. ER's little place in Boulder -- and I absolutely absorbed some chicken noodle soup, milk and powdered sugar doughnuts, then collapsed into a fitful, horrible night of "sleep." Do I know how to party or what?

Dr. ER is happy. I'm happy 'cause she's happy. And I think the worst of my affliction came last night. Here's hopin' Dr. ER sidesteps it, 'cause Thursday we're headin' to a lodge at Estes Park and it would suck if she were sick!

--ER