Rev. Erudite Redneck, B.S., B.S., M.A., M.Div.

This here is how the good news of Jesus Christ, whose Paw is God, got started and all. Just like that ol’ know-it-all Isaiah wrote back in the old days, “Looky here, I’m sendin’ out an ol’ boy ahead of you with a tale to get people to thinkin’ – he’ll be out in the country preachin’ and hollerin’, hoein’ out a nice, straight path for the Lord.

John the baptizer came out of nowhere from out in the sticks, tellin’ everybody they needed to let him throw ‘em down in some river water and waller ‘em around and agitate ‘em some to soften up their sin and badness so they could turn to God for help and forgiveness. Country folks from the whole territory around Judea and city slickers from Jerusalem were all comin’ out and listenin’ to him and getting’ dunked in the Jordan River.

Now John was a sight, with an outfit made out of camel hair and a strap of leather around his middle, and danged if he wasn’t livin’ on locusts and honey he’d swiped from bees’ hives. He declared:

“There’s an Ol’ Boy a-comin’, ha, who’s so intense-aha, he’ll make me look like a pantywaist-aha! Amen! Praise God! I wouldn’t deserve-aha, to get the honor of loosenin’ his bootlaces-ah. All I’ve done is throw y’all in the river water, hallelujah, and bring you up rinsed off some! Glory! He’ll throw y’all smack-dab into the whirlin’ vortex of the Holy Ghost-aha, and the undertow’ll shoot you all through and out the other siiide-aha! You’ll get all hosed out on the inside-ah and hosed off on the outside-ah! Can I get an Amen?”

--ER