Rev. Erudite Redneck, B.S., B.S., M.A., M.Div.

This is the weather right now, at 2:21 p.m., in Oklahoma. Oklahoma State University is smack-dab under that biggest blob of red to the north. I sit about 50 miles south-southwest, under some more of the red.

Bird, 21, my redheaded redneck stepchild, who is a junior at Oklahoma State, just called and excitedly told me that, with news that hail as big around as Copenhagen cans is headed for Stillwater, she grabbed the tacos she'd just made for herself out of the oven, stuck the dogs in their cage, and jumped in YankeeBeau's new car, an ought-6 Chrsyler Sebring, to find a place to pull under, since they live in an apartment with no carports.

So did everyone else in town. She said every car wash and gas station had people in cars up under their canopies.

Bird was not deterred.

Bird, who is known far and wide for her ability to sidle up to complete strangers and sweet-talk them into giving her what she wants, sidled herself and the car up to an auto glass repair shop of all places, runs in and explained that hail as big as tennis balls was a-comin' and they just bought that purty car two weeks ago and could she pull up inside their shop until the storm has passed.

The redheaded Bird bein' very persuasive, and cute as a bug besides, found safe harbor, then called me to tell the tale while munchin' on tacos, listenin' to the weather on the radio and worryin' that if a tornado hits their apartment house, the dogs, Fenway and Apollo, will be goners.

--ER