Rev. Erudite Redneck, B.S., B.S., M.A., M.Div.

Hi --

Dr. ER guest blogging for ER, who, foaming at the mouth, rushed off to go eat a leg sandwich.

No, not what you're thinking; ER's gotta have himself a soft shell crab sandwich; a sandwich I won't eat because I eat no sandwich that has legs hanging outta the bun.

ER wanted to put up these photos and stories himself, but because of his Lenten promise not to eat beef or pork (y'all should hear the whining) he searches instead for something to fill the rib-eye shaped hole in his belly. He's pretty close to eating turkey SPAM at this point, and Lent isn't even a week old. I will need extra Xanax by Easter.

The first thing up today is the vista that ER wakes up to each day when he turns over and puts his glasses on.

A careful inventory shows a number of dichotomous items, all of which, on average, yield an E. and an R.

Two OSU cups; a bag of likely-softened mints; a book of daily devotions; a lamp that he stood in line for hours to get FREE (you can buy 'em for five bucks) at the grand opening of a new furniture store in Texas. Note the sleep aid and the off-brand nicotine replacement therapy in his trash can. Note also the legs and horns of his stuffed bulls and cows.

Note also the epic history of Europe that he's been reading for six months; he's almost done.

Major Dr. ER points to anyone who can name the book or book series of the book on the upper right hand side of ER's night stand -- the light blue one.

Here is the ER household mantle. Until Christmas 2005 the mantle was a display for photos of Bird and various beaus or Bird with her cello. Once the stockings came down, we de-Birded the mantle. The checkerboard is on that ER made in shop class back when he was more R than E; the black and white is ER's fave photo Dr. ER took in Douglas, WY; the photo in the foreground is a vista Dr. ER took in Sedona; doesn't do it justice, but the rear view mirror appears both ahead and behind on the road, with Sedona red rocks playing image and afterimage. A mug ER got for Christmas this year from major pal who knows ER's affinity for all things cattle. A blue vase pained by Dr. ER. Mantle results: A little bit E. and a little bit R.

Now the following shots show the obverse and reverse of a commemorative plate that Dr. ER bought for ER in Blackwell -- it passes for art in the ER household. It's really a commemoration of the art of butchering cattle, from beginning to end. The reverse and logo shows that the plate honors Beef, and was created for an outfit in Hobart in the late 1970's. A lot of folks notice this piece of so-called art; only when they get up close do they realize what a bloody set of scenes it portrays. Still, Dr. ER allows all kind of ER-type "art" in the house, having given up any notion of a decorating scheme. Our scheme is motley -- half of it's E. and half of our art is R. I worry at times that the R. is creeping out of Dr. ER's little room into the rest of the house; this plate is a good example:

At the top of the plate, the poor cows are grazing; to the right, little do the cows know it, but this is what they're gonna look like soon. At about five o'clock, the cows should start to suspect something. At seven o'clock, cows grazing; at nine o'clock the lady of the house buys beef. And in the center, cowboys are branding their cattle.

A closeup of the center follows:

On the reverse of the plate is what I like to call "Ode to Beef." In case you can't read it (was not an easy piece to shoot), it pays tribute to the muscle flesh from cows:

Beef...An Industry of Nutrition. This fine porcelain plate has been created by World Wide Art Studios as a tribute to the Beef Industry. Produced in a limited edition of ten thousand pieces, the ten color design was kiln fired fusing color with glaze to insure that is beauty will last forever.

Below is a closeup of the Barne's Feed Lots logo:

What you can't see beneath the logo above and what is cropped out of the logo shot is an admonition that this fine, decorative plate is meant purely for that -- decoration, or, as I like to think of it, "decoration." (with very obvious quote marks around the word).

It goes on to warn owners of this fine piece of art not to use said piece of decoration for food.

Results of Art Analysis: Totally and completely R!

And now....something to really freak you out. ER has kept the following document ever since he was a sorta wee one. In the late 1970's, apparently, the Klan Youth Corps was still making the rounds of rural Oklahoma schools, attempting to recruit youngsters into their group.

The Danny Bonaduce-esque boy pictured is, I guess, what the Klan believed a white supremacist teenager would look like at the time.

To quote some of the sentiments in the document:

"If you are a White student between the ages of 12 and 17, and ideologically oriented towards the survival of White Christian civilization and values, then the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan invite you to become a part of the Klan Youth Corps."

Gad, I'm pretty sure similar pamphlets were handed out during Mao's reign in China, encouraging youth to join the Red Guard. Un-effing-believable that this kind of stuff was still be handed out to ER and his ilk when we were junior high-aged.

Now just imagine -- "Son, I don't want you to get behind in your studies, so only one extracurricular activity -- you can join the Boy Scouts, the FFA, or the Klan."

Holy cow.

This reverse side requires the applicant to certify that he is White and that he will keep secret and confidential any information he receives AND that he meets all requirements under penalty of perjury if falsified.

ER will tell the whole story of this document and how he came by it and why he kept it all these years, but even in my backwater of a home town, this kind of stuff wasn't going on in the late 70's or early 80's.

And here is yet another piece of memorabilia ER owns, along with his membership card to a gamecock club somewhere in OK. No commment needed from me on this one, I don't think:

And the following picture is for ER to explain later:

And no ER post, guest or no, would be complete without the gratuitious display of Ice-T.

Major Dr. ER points go to anyone who can remember what movie the term "Things and Supplies" (the hed for this guest post) comes from. Am thinking Tech or drlobo can get it if they scratch their heads. It's part of the ER household family lexicon now.

What's in the bag? "Things and Supplies."

It's also good filler when you can't remember the words to the OSU Alma Mater: "Oh, OSU and stuff....things and supplies...." words actually sung by a member of this household prior to a football game last year.

It's also useful on the phone when telemarketers call:

"Is this Mister ER?" says the voice from Bangladesh...

"Things and Supplies" says Dr. ER.

It's the only way to get revenge for off-shoring: Mess with the overseas-but-pretending-to-be-in-the-U.S. caller: Screw with the English language.

More from ER later. Dr. ER, being more R than E today so ER can eat......