Tuesday, January 24, 2006
How 'bout this weather, huh?
There's always the weather!
Wildfires are the topic of the season around here, in Oklahoma (and Texas).
What's weird about the weather where you are?
To what do you attribute it?
Voo doo? Cyclical climate change? Human-induced climate change? The planet off its axis? Whut?
I'm a card. Ten of clubs, I think.
Hope your writing is productive, ER.
And I forgot to say that all those prayers spoke to me in the previous post.
Not sure what that means. Not familiar with an expression such as "when paradise freezes over."
After our 1936 fiasco in Oklahoma we should have oughta let it all gone to grass and let the buffalo have at it. But no my farmer father and everybody else dug the wells and irrigated the s**t out of the soil.
Done good for a time, now we're putting in more than we take out. Not good math much less economics.
Cost of food and fuel in America is artificially low, now the weather will tax the ability of America to produce enough of both and we will eventually have to pay the actual tariff instead of the subsidy.
Normal cycle, yep we understand it's probably tis so, but add on the stress of the increase in global temperature and the cycle stretches longer and farther on one side and quicker and shorter on the other. Then comes a tipping point, and over we go. So we have screwed the Gulf Stream Currents, and messed with the El Nino Currents and hokus pokus the rise in temperature causes.......
well God, only you know what.
God, just please don't let's have any major volcanic eruptions to add to this.
"Guess I should go buy some plastic tarps and cover up the house, or what remains of it," said Scott Huster of Waveland, MS, echoing the sentiments of a nation battered in recent months by a succession of violent hurricanes, tropical storms, and tornadoes.
According to the advisory, clouds of pure blood have congealed in the atmosphere above Port-au-Prince, Haiti and are heading north at speeds of up to 80 miles per hour. NWS meteorologists predict that the unprecedented storm will splatter most of the Gulf states and West Coast by Friday.
"I suppose I'll have to cancel the barbecue," said Larry Milhouse of Kiln, MS.
Meteorologists are predicting an epic storm of biblical proportions, marked by bullet-velocity winds and flash blooding in low-lying areas. In the Great Lakes and New England states, blood may even coagulate and freeze into softball-sized clot-hail, shattering windows, damaging roofs, and triggering massive blockages on roads and highways.
"Blood-hail can't be any worse than the early thaw in spring," Vermont mother of four Stacey Boswell said. "Still, I'd better take the clothes off the line."
During a Monday night press conference, acting FEMA Director R. David Paulison recommended that citizens of the Southwest evacuate the area immediately, in order to avoid bile blizzards and packs of marauding wolves.
"We recommend that people stay indoors during the storms," Paulison said. "In addition to gale-force winds, the blood storms carry multiple forms of bacteria and disease, such as Hepatitis B."
Georgia resident James Treadwell had a characteristic response to the warnings.
"I'll just put on some extra-thick boots," Treadwell said. "I'll get an umbrella, and cover up my open cuts."
Naples, FL resident Kathy English said she is determined not to let the gruesome weather disrupt her everyday routine.
"I'm not that worried—at least the blood's supposed to be warm, unlike the sleet that got us last fall," said English, a dog-walker who does not expect a decline in her business during the storm. "Plus, it's only supposed to be a Category 3 blood storm."
According to NWS spokesperson Joe Colby, the worst blood storm conceivable is a Category 5 on the Saffir-Savini Meteorosanguinity Scale. In this type of storm, bubbling, boiling blood the consistency of corn syrup pours from the skies, scalding every exposed living thing and sparking fires.
Although FEMA officials have encouraged citizens to evacuate to Canada, many Americans have opted to wait it out.
"I've driven in the early-season blizzards for the past three weeks—how much worse can a little blood be?" said Indiana resident Clark Merrit. "I also worked in a slaughterhouse for 20 years, and trust me, you get used to the smell."
The storm is expected to just miss the Pacific Northwest, a fact that greatly relieves residents there, who are gearing up for a possible shitstorm this weekend.
Besides that, work had me obligated to be at a breakfast meeting at 7 this mornin' some 20 miles and 45 minutes from the house.
Which means I had to be up by 5:45 a.m. -- on purpose.
Holy heaving*. I still think I should be doin' somethin' involvin' a hoe or a cow or somethin' if I have to get up that early.
*10 Coveted Redneck(tm) points to anyone who can define what heaving is, in the sense implied above. :-) An extra 3 points if you can cite a source.
From The Onion:
Sunday morning answer:
A sigh of holy frustration or resignation. Not unlike your mother must have done a thousand times with you ER.
Source: note verse 34
31And again, departing from the coasts of Tyre and Sidon, he came unto the sea of Galilee, through the midst of the coasts of Decapolis.
32And they bring unto him one that was deaf, and had an impediment in his speech; and they beseech him to put his hand upon him.
33And he took him aside from the multitude, and put his fingers into his ears, and he spit, and touched his tongue;
34And looking up to heaven, he sighed, and saith unto him, Ephphatha, that is, Be opened.
35And straightway his ears were opened, and the string of his tongue was loosed, and he spake plain.
The Saturday night answer:
A series of extended deep sighs often having to do with chest breast nipples and such during a climax.
Source: Elmer Gantry and/or Robin in Batman
Now if one of these aint whacha ment, I would sure love to hear your version.
Drlobo, I meant "heaving" in the crop sense, considerin' that we were talkin' about the weather.
Hoo boy. If you answer it now, you get docked 5 points for sheer weirdness. Hoo hoo.
Context may have everything to do with Paul, but I've not notice you limited by it? :}
Holy heaving Batman, did you just mean a heavy rain?
Please to explain, sir.
A bunch of young winter wheat -- I mean hundreds of acres of it -- got hove plumb out of the ground once when I was covering ag in Montague County, Texas. Oddest thing I'd ever seen -- or the farmers, either.
County ag agent said it looked like "soil heaving," which none of the farmers had heard of. He, however, being a smart guy and having actually studied soil scince at Texas A&M, knew it when he saw it, and brought the dang book out to a field-day meeting to show the doubters.
One of the more obscure and fun stories I ever did.
The following comes from:
Soil heaving happens when you have temperature fluctuations, one day it freezes hard, the next it thaws. This heaving can push shallow plant roots up out of the soil, leaving them exposed to cold and desiccation (drying out completely). This affects new and shallow-rooted plants the most. First year perennials can be totally wiped out when this happens.
Holy heaving Batman the petunias are dead.
That'll learn me to read ER at work.
Bloodstorms. Then holy heaving crops. Good Lord.
Great Ceaser's ghost! (so to speak).
:-) SuperB, I've always wanted to start a redneck version of The Onion.
I'd call it. The Vidalia.
Quick 1 Coveted Redneck Point(tm) to the first to tell me why that's amusing!
Texans come close, but not all the wy, with their Texas A&M 1015Y onion. Needs a better name, for damn sure.
So what, I am negative 5 CRP's?
Think I'll try for minus 10. Wierds a comin.
I dated a girl from Vidalia, GA. I thought we were gonna get hitched, but it didn't happen. We had the date set and everything. Tore this ole country boy up. Anyway, from what I remember, Vidalia was a gorgeous place.
I dated a rancher's daughter from Vici, Okla., population 3 (not really, but not far off); she was a barrel racer and she gave new meanin' to the phrase "run the cloverleaf." ;-)