Sunday, December 18, 2005
Sunday guest blogger: Ice-T
See the gift behind me? It's for ER! From me! Dr. ER wrapped it. ER has no idea what it could be! Now, where can I get my paws on a real version of that yummy-looking fake fish they posed me with for that stocking picture???
Mmm-mmmm! Smell that? That's a chicken in a pot ER has going in the kitchen. He came home from church and started bouncing around the house because it just makes him feel so GOOD to have found a church that touches his mind as well as his heart! He felt all homey and Christmassy and decided to fix chicken-and-dumplings while Dr. ER rests up from being ill, and packs up to be gone this week. It smells so good. It makes me a lil woozy!
I sure hope ER fixes me a lil dish of chicky-dumps!!
You would, wouldn't you? How could anyone resist this face???
See all y'all later! Merry Christmas!
I won't say in public, but ...
I just can't say. For the sake of political correctness, check your e-mail
Stan: "Dude, your cat is so gay."
ER: "I said that already."
Cartman: "I want some Cheezy-Poofs."
So, who made Y'ALL the "gay police?" A psychologist in a former life, I only usually saw such vitriolic anti-gay commentary from latent homosexuals in denial.
Or, I might hear such stupidity out of ugly, hairy (and usually pasty and fat) homophobes who were so scared that "gayness" might rub off on them, they chose to be offensive as a defense mechanism (as oxymoronic as that sounds).
Now, homophobes in this category are usually the kind of guys that NO guy (nor girl) would ever hit on in the first place and their real anger is displaced on others, of differing sexual persuasions because their only sexual partner is their dominant hand.
Or perhaps you're a redneckophobe, as opposed to a homophobe, or a feliphobe, or a santaphobe, or maybe you're just a mean old,nasty, bunch of bah-humbug grinches.
So, whether you're anti-cat or anti-redneck or anti-gay or anti-Christmas, we might be able to find a pill for that. Or, we could wax your backs. Or teach you some vocabulary. Or even grant that you aren't at fault because you didn't have good mothering.
But methinks we can't blame mothers here -- I'm more than certain that your mother told you that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all; I bet you're just assholes. teditor, how's it feel to be at the head of a pack of foul-mouthed, ugly, wizened sphincters?
Homophobic? Nah, not at all. I have friends that are gay, and one friend in particular that I feel sorry for -- not because he's gay but that he lives in Small Town, America, and can't find anyone to love ... or just have sex with.
The man just wants to blow somebody. Is that such a crime? (By the way, Will & Grace and several gay comedians resort to much worse stereotypical analogies than ANYTHING ever used here.)
Foul-mouthed? Hmmm. Let me think on that.
Ugly? When did you see my photograph? I'll give ya that one.
Wizened shincter? Hey, it contracts after a big poop just like everyone else's. Tis not withered at all. Sometimes abused, especially after Mexican food or chili, but not withered.
To be the head of the class? Hell, I'm honored.
Foul mouthed? Oops, I just used hell. Yep, I'm foul mouthed. Or, to be correct, foul-mouthed.
Now to look at your phrasing in all it's glory, I'll reply kindly:
My sphincter is not foul-mouthed, but it can be rendered foul on occassion.
My sphincer IS ugly. Don't know many that aren't.
As said before, my sphincter isn't wizened. But if you'd like to see for yourself, I'll be happy to take you up on the offer.
Oh, and to answer your first question: Never heard of gay police. Heard of gay policemen and policewomen, but not gay police. Sounds like a fun job if you're into that sort of thing.
And in summary, I am not a homophobe, though I was when I was younger and didn't 1) know any gay people and 2) didn't understand homosexuality. Now as an aging man, I recognize that some people can actually fall in love with someone of the same sex and be perfectly content.
Do I sometimes speak out of turn and, in an effort to be funny, say something I shouldn't? Yes. And while things written here are implied, I wrote nothing derogatory toward homosexuals on this thread.
But I'm still damned proud to be the head of something, even if it's being a foul-mouth sphincter.
2.Cardia, at the upper portion of the stomach
3.Sphincter urethrae, or Urethral sphincter
4.Pyloric sphincter, at the lower end of the stomach
5.Sphincter pupillae, or Pupillary sphincter, belonging to the iris in the eye
6.Sphincter of Oddi, or Glisson's sphincter, controlling secretions from the liver, pancreas and gall bladder into the duodenum.
I am especially intrigued about the sphincter of Oddi.
This such an enlightening blog, I just can't tell you how much.
I got a one eyed, half deaf, 16 lb orange striped cat named Vern that's more like the redneck cat you need. Vern, or Vernon when he is being bad, which is too often, is the kind of cat that visits when he wants to, sleeps where he wants to, and has made his one and his last trip to the Vet. He has a meow that is several decibles above tolerable and sounds like: meraouwnah! If I can catch him, shall I bring him over and dump him in your back yard. Doesn't Ice-T need a playmate.
And Teditor, a pupillary sphincter movement back atcha. ;)
B, I do have ER wrapped around my little paw! He did let me have some chicken from the pot!
Drlobojo, If I am a lightweight, it's probably because I was malnourished as a little kitten and was very sick when the ERs took me in. But I'm only 7 months or so old, as near as I can tell, so I might fill out some more.
Drlobo, you should keep Vern. The two dogs that live in our back yard are about all I can handle as it is.
I-T, based on his scars and disposition, Vernon can handle the two dogs for you anytime. Think about it.
ER has taught me well. Ehhh!
ER, those photos are so gay: cheerful and pleasurable.
ER, those photos are so gay: brightly colored stocking and such.
Ah, dictionaries are wonderful things.
Ehhh Ehhh Ehhh Ehhh!!!
Teditor: I can't read!!! I thought you were questioning my sexycatness!
"Drlobo, I will have you know that I am as confident in my orientation as ER is. I like purple. So bite me."
I would pick another role model If I were you I-T. "So Bite Me", I've eaten a lot of small animals over my life time, squrriel, oppossum,
racoon, muskrat, and dog roasted, fried, and stewed; cat would be a very interesting addition to my list of things eaten. I'll take you up on that Ice-T, fatten up a bit, and I'll be around :)yum.
Meow meow gai pan.
Of course, you're not near as funny as that damn kitty. And I doubt you're as tasty. Is that what's on the menu for Christmas? Ice-T kabobs?
"We'll have a gay old time ..."
Here kitty kitty.
In Ice T's case it might more properly be: Meow, Meow, Gay Pan.
Now that's funny.
"We like both kinds of music. Country AND western."
And as a good Democat, I'm offended at y'alls' light-making at the expense of our gay friends.
Say I-T can you come over to my house for a chinese meal?
And I will pass on the chinese meal, especially at your place!
Reminds me of a Bugs Bunny cartoon that ER let me watch where Bugs got invited "for dinner." Uhhh-uh. No way.
I got a recipe from an Asian housekeeper, ala "Courtship of Eddie's Father", that tells the ideal way to cook a cat.
The housekeeper, I'll call her "Miss Kitty", says to boiling will help when it's time to "clean" the feline. Then you can do anything you wish.
The long, skinny legs aren't good for baking or frying, but they make for a good base for soup.
Yay, Ice T! Love that last photo.
I'm saying having a CAT be a guest blogger is "carefree and lighthearted."
I also feel like I can ride a bicycle! and swim! and climb a mountain! and all the other stuff the tampon commercials used to say you got to do if you used 'em!
Yer new one shows that you are pure-dee h-o-t! ;-)
Probably t-r-o-u-b-l-e, too! :-)
Is that what you kept in your Copenhagen can all these years?
Oh, and Miss Cellina is hot. Good thing for her that you're married to an equally hot chick, otherwise she'd have to deal with a redneck in heat.
DrJo: Love, love that you "studied" sphincters -- I expect nothing less!
ER: Damn, that Teditor's a sad dork
Ice-T: You look damne cute
MisCellania: That Teditor is a sad dork
Dr B: Er is so much the smitten kitten
ER: Name the TV show from which that phrase comes
I noticed your blog on the Sphincter of Oddi and wanted to invite you and your readers to join a newly formed SOD Support Group.
We can be found at :
Hope to see you there