Saturday, August 08, 2009


ER man room still life

Lookin' into the livin' room, from the man room, through rustic metal folk art calf cutout on the glass divider between said livin' room and said man room, Texas Rangers baseball, I b'lieve, on the TV.


Well, that's just worthless coming from you. Can't see damned thing.
Yeah, I know. The calf cutout is the thing, though.
Is that the Great Bahama Banks above its bo-bo?
Hoo hoo! Cell phone reflecting. And the apparent haunting image of Christ around it is me. LOL
"Christ"? If you say so. I was thinking Lucifer was taking a Nassau vacation.
"Redneck of Turin."
"The Sacred Burlap Cloth of Edmund."
A pile of what this calf left behind after a good meal.
and levitating.
Although, I have to admit, there is something appropriate - the whole calf, meat, man thing all relating back, a kind of avatar of southwestern maleness, through which one might see the world.

The hermeneutics of cow.
I would think a bull would be more, shall we say, piquant.

Though, not to piss on GKS, one of my most embarrassing moments as a Texian was at a Connecticut wedding reception where, at my table, I had imbibed while waiting for the food and somehow I compared myself pridefully to a steer.

The Yankee next to me had the nerve to point out my dropped trou.
As ER might say, "urban cowboy" is an oxymoron.

Steers can be incredible specimens of bovinehood. For eunuchs(sp?).

"Urban cowboy" -- ha, oxymoron, indeed. But 'member, the original coinage of the phrase had Bud, who was from Spur, which is the epitome of nonurban West Texas, movin' down to the very urban Houston-Sugar land-Baytown MSA. But "Cowboy in an Urban Settin' " didn't quite have a ring to it.
ER - RFLMAO on hermooneutics. . .

Feodor - too funny. That's why I tend to remain dry at these settings. I embarrass myself far too easily. And DJing is so much more fun because I can sit and watch others do it.

Me, while I grew up in a small town, feel far more at home in the concrete jungles of the subdivisions and big cities. At least I know that the poo I step in is, usually, from an animal smaller than me.
yawn, i hope this isn't indicative of your soon to be sermons
The horns of an average long horn steer are twice or more times the size of the average long horn bull's or cow's horns and are shaped like the cow's horns rather than pointed forward as weapons like the bull's. The points of the bull's horns are seldom more than two feet apart even when each of the horns themselves may be two or three long.

Something about the redeposition of growth hormones.

So 99% of those Long Horn horns for sale are steers' horns.

So when you see those especially long Long Horn symbols for UT remember that they can't be that big and that shape unless their balls are gone.
(Texans are real sensitive to this, they keep changing Wiki back to the reverse anytime someone corrects the Longhorn article, that's true, try it.)

So being horny in Texas doesn't have the same meaning as North of the Red River, East of the Sabine, and West of the Rio Grande and the Llano Estacado.
NO HE DID NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!

Did locojo use a vulnerable story from me to disrespect Texas?

Is locojo asking me to go find the can opener?

Does LocoJo want to continue with the serendipitous education? Would he like to explicate for all the kids the following:

1. You, sir, are a sooner AND a boomer, which makes you a liar AND a thief, respectively.

2. We raised our native cattle and taught the world how to drill oil wells. Oklahoma had to borrow a Yankee wagon to get anywhere. Schooner, my ass.

3. Ask anybody in the nation to picture a cowboy, and who do the women see? A long, tall drink of water in jeans and boots and hails from Texas. Ask them about cowboy states and you know where Oklahoma comes in, if it occurs to them at all? Maybe five or six states down... after California... CALIFORNIA!

4. And that's because Oklahoma never produced a President, much less a President who can ride a horse.

5. But it's likely they will never come up with Oklahoma at all. The problem is Oklahoma doesn't come with any idea of what's there.

And that's because nothing IS there... nothing to stop the wind from.... you know.

6. And if that low-down LocoJo wants to claim that late seminary from the swamps named after a dog's chew toy, he's welcome to it, since it was first run by that madman who brought scorched earth warfare to America and burned down Atlanta.

Now, you want to use all your auto-didacticism and explain all this, LocoJo?
Flowers on the prarie where the June bugs zoom,
Plen'y of air and plen'y of room,
Plen'y of room to swing a rope!
Plen'y of heart and plen'y of hope.

OOOOk-lahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain....

We're only sayin'
You're doin' fine, Oklahoma!
O.K. L - A - H - O - M - A

(Yeeow is about right.)
Crap. Feodor's been drinkin' since noon.
And it sure as hell wasn't Oklahoma "wine." God, what a notion.
A Yankee defending Texas cuz of birthy sentimentals...Texas in two words-- "W". LOL...I ain't quit drink for 3 days...The Decider...LOL

Texas ---the poor man's Mississippi
Then again, you wont find me trying any Llano Estacado either.
What!? Mississippi?

Let's compare state achievement scores, shall we?

In fact, let's compare Mississippi to Kazakhstan's... on English!
Snort. Tejans always protest too much to Oklahomans.

Here's a good place to start:

Y'alls' most famous, and generally most admired, man, Sam Houston?

Known as Big Drunk. From his days whoring with a Cherokee gal. Pretending to be an Indian.

Set out the Civil War not because he was a moralist ovder slavery. Because he was a pussy, it turns out.

But then, Houston was fron somewhere else. Not Tejas. Just like every other famous "Texian."

Poor Texas. Had to borrow heroes.

"Known as Big Drunk. From his days whoring with a Cherokee gal. Pretending to be an Indian."

I'm trying to see the insult here. Can't find it.

Our heroes were too big for where they were born. They came from all kinds of places, all kinds of nations.

At the Alamo, they made a nation.

Anglos, Mexicans, Africans, Indians.

How did Oklahomans claim their state?

They hid in the ditches till sunrise and when the signal was given they jumped up and planted a rag as a flag.

They slept with the June bugs.
Wail away on Mississippi...theysa shithole too
Texas: where Cajuns can go when the nation turns it back to you.
They hid in the ditches till sunrise and when the signal was given they jumped up and planted a rag as a flag.---LOL

I don't know if that's true, but that's pretty funny...and I'm pretty drunk...ain't figured out if it's a nice or mean drunk
Look up "sooner," and then look up "boomer."

Can you say Ig No Minious?
Where's that cur, LocoJo?
Heh. If F cared about sech, I'd point out that the poor abused Indians in Oklahom fit harder, on bothe sides, of the Late Unpleasantness than any Tejans ever thought about fightin'. For homy anyway. Since Hood's Texas Rangers *did* fight -- for glory, for renown, for wimmin and sech -- but not for their home. Pbth.
The nation? Try God....La. sucks too
God was in Texas, of course, welcoming them in.
O, yea and verily, the sooners sucked then and they suck now. Boomers? Tiresome now as then.

My bunch came to I.T. in the 1870s before it was very pop'lar. I got documents of 'em livin' by official permit, in the Cherokee Nation -- them's the ones, especially, that knew S. Houston as Big Drunk.
But then by 1890, most of the R's were in deep s--t before Judge Parker in Fort Smith.
"them's the ones, especially, that knew S. Houston as Big Drunk."

And a sad tale that they knew, too.
dr. nachos says I talk better mexican when I's hi--...I mean goes

Texas-donde los hombres son los hombres y las sheep are nervioso ... en voz alta!

Dios dice over Cajuns. Su lo best que puedo hacer hasta Arkansas la paint is seca
You were talking poor and now you want to bring up Arkansas?

Land of the down river people. Were the shit pools.
On a lighter note:

Dr. ER and I are sorter lookin' at "Stripes" right now and we agree that we miss the Cold WaR -- AT least as far as knowin' who're dang enemies was.
Hey, we're just doing the dozens, right?
It's sad, and sick, that the first time I ever saw girls mud wrestlin', John Candy, God rest him, was in there with 'em.
no mucho la choice, es no al north o al east of Kentucky
Back to O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A: More sovereignty(s) here now even, not even countin' history, than Tejas ever even thought about.

Go ahead. Talk down Indian Country.
john candy---space balls--lol! good one to watch when yer.....happy
Re, "Then again, you wont find me trying any Llano Estacado either."

It's better than Mogan David concord. But then, I have Mogan David in the icebox, and I do not have any Llano Estacado in the cabinet.
Indian country was in western Carolina, eastern Tennessee, and northern Georgia.

Indian country was Alabama was Mississippi.

Indian Territory was "given" by the Feds, and then "boomers" stole a lot of that, too.
vecino hollered lady me para detener pissin de my porch ... Estoy fixin ir a piss de hers
great 7x's papa loney was a indian slave in western carolina... great 6x's papa loney got borned free, got to preacherin, and is supposed to be one of the 1st bapt. preachers west of the miss...can you fellers google who that is?
Say hello to the Dr., lovely and smart.
Re, "Indian country was ..."

Heh. Feodor talks about Indian Country like peeps talk about Our Lord and Savior.

Indian Country, like Jesus, ain't was; Indian Country, like Jesus, is.
dont bother googlin it...I did...aint but about 50 that claim that distinktion...they put it on his tomby stone though...somebodys got to be lyin...figures...baptist preachers-lol!
BL: Evan Jones is the main early Baptist I know of.
Ms. Doc says he's not the first preacher, but supposedly organized the first bapt church west of the miss

get off me woman!!!I'm bloggernettin!!
And do you think his Jerusalem is alive and well?
he was a willis...theys known for 3things...preachin, lyin, and seed spreadin...theysa joke in their somewhere, but the screen keeps double-natin

what you talkin bout willis? LOL! I wish Conrad Bains was my rich daddy
feo-your question--not the one people think is
Britt Willis?
particular baptist---when his beliefs got resurrected 200 years later along his bloodline, they was hell to pay:)
How did we get to Baptists?

Damn takeover artists.
alright---he married a catholic---and got her converted

make yer point on Jerusalem
Christ is alive, but where he walked no longer exists in the way he knew it.

Indians are alive (despite the odds) but where their autonomous nation was no longer exists.
I didn't say "takeover artists" because I wanted to get back to Jerusalem. It occurs to me now that you may be thinking that.

I was just popping off. I don't mind the Baptist sequitur.
Got to go tonight.

Still looking to pop a cap in LocoJo's ass.

Sometime after church will have to do.
'Christ is alive, but where he walked no longer exists in the way he knew it.'

I didnt take no offense...I wanted you to make your point on Jerusalem...I thinks the same

Fact, baptist preachers get runned oft nowadays for sayin such
I can't believe I spend my Saturday evening with you guys like this.

Should have learned poker.

And the Mets lost again. To the stinking Padres.
met lost to padres...LOL!

Padres- poor mans Nationals--now thats funny
The only thing ever good to come out of Texas was Dr. Pepper.

Native cattles???
Them Native Texas cattles came from Spain.

I've got three jars of pickled Texas Mountain Oysters and I'll be dang if they aren't smaller than quail's eggs. Them things are getting smaller every year.

Hell them friggin Texans would have no longhorns at all except that Oklahoma preserved a herd in the Wichita Wildlife Refuge. Texans still have to come up to Oklahoma to get the genetic variations or their herds would incest out into skin and boners with oysters no bigger than BBs.

Come on by and watch the Texans bid on our cattle the last Thursday in September.

As for being a Sooner that story is just for a little square of land right in the middle of the Oklahoma Territory. Hell, half the "sooners" were shot in the head and in a shallow grave before sunset the day of the run.

We got our homestead down in the Comanche lands from a lottery.

The Texicans tried to move acrost the Red and settle that area three times but were whooped up on and run off by the Comanche and Kiowas each time. It took a Colonel from New Jersey to do what the Texas Indian Fighters and Rangers couldn't get done and that's beat the Comanches.

I remember when Gov. Alfalfa Bill Murrary put tanks along the Red River and dared the Texans to try to cross over. The Texas NG and Rangers pulled back a mile from their bank of the river out of cannon range, cause they knew the old fart wasn't bluffing and they also knew a bunch of those boys from the 45th Infantry were members of the Comanche tribe and had a long time grudge.

Bevo the Steer! A great metaphor for Texas.
Texas es mi norte casa vacashun. Nex I am for feo y new York. Know, I siesta menos underwears
DrLobo shoots! He scores!
Hey, Loney, there *are* some half-ass decent Baptists around here, the few and humble. They are had a get-together the other day:

Brother Jimmy Carter his own self was there. I couldn't make it, dang it.
Here's the local story on what Brother Jimmy had to say:
Ya know, I might woulda still been a Babtist if somethin' loike had come along 20 years ago. But, now, they're gonna pretty mich have to apologize to Dr. ER personally for raisin' kis so stupid and mean as to give her so much hell as a young 'un. OTOH, Brother Jimmy Carter has done more to rehabilitate Baptists in her eyes than any other peep, I'd say.
Let's see, what do we have from LocoJo now?

Shoots and scores? Nah, he's still using that misfiring, single shot .410. To wit:

Canard uno:

"Them Native Texas cattles [sic] came from Spain."

Everything is a descendent of something else. You wont find the Texas Longhorn breed in Spain because it wasn't developed in Spain. Just like you wont find the American Quarter Horse in England or Spain, and yet it was cross bred as well.

But then, it takes a Texan to be up on these things, I guess.

Canard dos:

I bet if LocoJo pickles his dick, it would be smaller, too.

Canard tres:

Re the Oklahoma refuge and preserve: I never said the backyard wasn't good for anything.

Canard cuatro:

The story of "that small piece of land" right smack in the heart, in fact, the whole heart of the state - the misnomered "Unassigned Lands" (unassigned to white folks) - is, nonetheless, the pride of Oklahoma. (Having no Alamo, it does what it can with what it has.) It is a story honoring folks who defied the federal government, heated up by railroad interests to see settlement of the land as a racial issue, and cheated other law-abiding, play by the rules white folks, and then proudly continues with boomers who defied Presidential decree and took even more land from Indians.

And you wonder why you have the federal and state politicians you do? It's just a continuation of Oklahoma history.

Canard cinco:

As for the Red River skirmishes, the best analogy is how we have to act like N. Korea is a major player: crazy little Napoleonic societies sometimes go mad and it's just not worth the trouble to settle them straight once and for all.
By the way, regarding Canard seis, bulls and cows DO have horns in the same range as steers. They are called exceptional, but, then, coming from Texas, that makes perfect sense.
See, I told you they were re-writing the stuff all the time.

P.S. Leave my old pickled dick alone.
Re, "the pride of Oklahoma" (Boomers and Sooners and such and the Unassigned Lands)

Well, not over in my home part of the state. Putting I.T. and O.T. together was sort of a forced marriage in the first place. In one semester of state history in ninth grade, we sort of skimmed the land runs and lotteries and all, and concentrated on the Trail of Tears "settlement pattern," for obvious reasons. CherokeeChickasawChoctawCreekandSeminole was one word, just about. Besides, all the dang Yankees that settled in O.T. (with the exception of some Tejans in the southwest region, sorter went agin' our Southron sensibilities.
"pickled dick'

Sounds right coming a Hereford herder.

Now, ERs scrambling with the Oklahoma ancestor stock. "What, me? I'm not from somewhere else like those sooners.?

Pickens U, with the cowboy who sports chaps and a hat only Truman would wear, riding for the "orange peel."
Pbhtht. We're all from somewhere else. Just not all of us adore the boomer and sooner aspects of the place.
Everytime you put a pic up from your man cave, clubs break out and the mutual beating goes on for a long time.

Something instinctual in us, I guess.
i'll bet all u got is a man chair.
Sorry, my prostate's just fine. I don't need a man chair.

When that time comes, I do have my grandfather's leather rocker with the claw feet.
ok, ok, then a man square foot. whack! whack!
You sitting in your man cave, right now?


The family pets own it.

Recipe for extinction; Neanderthals knew what you're going through.
Ha, they can have it until fall. ... I'm in and out of the garage, mansorting by manbooks ... DrLoboJo, you can come paw through them soon ...
the discards, i mean
Number 1 lesson from this comment thread: Do not drink and blog.
Nah! It's fun! :-)
Forgive me for being underwhelmed by a contest in which various men try to prove which state has the bigger dick.
F: " prostate's just fine..."
Just a matter of time boy, just a matter of time. Then you'll know how much an "Easy Chair" can mean to you.

GKS if it is just dick size in contest, I'll differ to Texas. They have the biggest dicks down there of anywhere on the globe. that's why they have so many wheelbarrows so's they can comfortably carry them out front as the walk. Say if you ever drive in Texas and see some dude driving from the back seat, well just be advised that as close as his dick will let him get to the dashboard. It is also true that most of the Hell's Angles in Texas require a side car.

Of course the terrible side effect that plagues Texans is that when they pump blood into their thing they pass out from brain's blood drain. So once they get it fully up they don't remember why they needed to. Again Oklahoma serves as a refuge for those female Texans who need something more that sheer bulk and bullshit.
Thus the reason they are called Hell's Angles in Texas.

The side on which you find the sidecar serves as information on which side they "dress."
Let me guess, your talking about the bikes in the legislative parking lot outside the State Capitol building.
A building bigger than the US Capital, let's not forget.

On your "Hell's Angles," maybe you weren't thinking about 90° and more about the diminution of size that came with the Norman Invasion?
Yellow card. Typos and misspellings are out of bounds. :-)

(otherwise, ide be sunc!)
Oh, come on, I wasn't calling him on typos, I was using it for further material. As if any of this is serious.

But seriously, folks, "the diminution of size that came with the Norman Invasion?" is funny, or at least awfully witty, I don't care who you are.

"Norman"? Double entendre?
Man, it's like working a crowd in Peoria.
LOL. OK. Not enough coffee yet when I scolded ya. Sry.
"It is also true that most of the Hell's Angles in Texas require a side car."

But not a kick-stand, apparently.
I can't stand it! Must. Recite. Funny. Joke. ...


Three cowboys from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas are sitting around a camp fire.

The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, "Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands."

The Arkansan replies, "Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away."

The Texan just stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
Rich Oklahoman throws a big party; among his guests, a good Texan friend and good Louisianian friend; as the partiers gather around the pool, he points out that there is a 12 foot gator in it, and announces that he will give a million $$ to anyone that can swim with it for 5 minutes...the Texan says HELL NO!, and immediately everyone heres the splash of the Louisianian diving in...he wrestles the gator til he breaks his neck...after getting outta the pool, The Oklahoman says "I guess I owe you a million dollars"...Louisianian replies "Nope, jus' the name of the sumbich what pushed me in"
Engaged Redneck stops by his girlfriend's sister's house to pick up a CD she borrowed. She lets him in and then starts rubbin and kissin on him...she says, "we can do it and my sister will never know"...He immediately runs outta there like a scalded dog, and to his surprise, his girlfriend and her parents are standing by his truck, clappin and cheerin...They explained that they got the sister to do that as a test to see if he could be faithful...and he passed the test!!

Redneck moral...always keep yore rubbers in the glove box
Good'erns! See what we've done went and done? We've done went and come up with an online man room. LOL

Cigars and Dickel all around.
(Diggin' out his Merle Haggard CD box set)
I was using the word "dicks" metaphorically. . .

Seriously LOLicious, Dr. Bill and ER. I like the whole "stirring the fire with his penis" . . . Too funny.
F:"Man, it's like working a crowd in Peoria"
Last time I worked a crowd in Peoria, a got one purse, six wallets, four watches, and a teddy bear.

Stirring the the coals with his penus. That's Texas inteligence all right. Got a bun?

F: Angles in heavan? Makin fun of me a poor dyslexic?
Well eyoof on you.
Anglos 'n heavin'.
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