Saturday, August 08, 2009
ER man room still life
Lookin' into the livin' room, from the man room, through rustic metal folk art calf cutout on the glass divider between said livin' room and said man room, Texas Rangers baseball, I b'lieve, on the TV.
The hermeneutics of cow.
Though, not to piss on GKS, one of my most embarrassing moments as a Texian was at a Connecticut wedding reception where, at my table, I had imbibed while waiting for the food and somehow I compared myself pridefully to a steer.
The Yankee next to me had the nerve to point out my dropped trou.
Steers can be incredible specimens of bovinehood. For eunuchs(sp?).
"Urban cowboy" -- ha, oxymoron, indeed. But 'member, the original coinage of the phrase had Bud, who was from Spur, which is the epitome of nonurban West Texas, movin' down to the very urban Houston-Sugar land-Baytown MSA. But "Cowboy in an Urban Settin' " didn't quite have a ring to it.
Feodor - too funny. That's why I tend to remain dry at these settings. I embarrass myself far too easily. And DJing is so much more fun because I can sit and watch others do it.
Me, while I grew up in a small town, feel far more at home in the concrete jungles of the subdivisions and big cities. At least I know that the poo I step in is, usually, from an animal smaller than me.
Something about the redeposition of growth hormones.
So 99% of those Long Horn horns for sale are steers' horns.
So when you see those especially long Long Horn symbols for UT remember that they can't be that big and that shape unless their balls are gone.
(Texans are real sensitive to this, they keep changing Wiki back to the reverse anytime someone corrects the Longhorn article, that's true, try it.)
So being horny in Texas doesn't have the same meaning as North of the Red River, East of the Sabine, and West of the Rio Grande and the Llano Estacado.
Did locojo use a vulnerable story from me to disrespect Texas?
Is locojo asking me to go find the can opener?
Does LocoJo want to continue with the serendipitous education? Would he like to explicate for all the kids the following:
1. You, sir, are a sooner AND a boomer, which makes you a liar AND a thief, respectively.
2. We raised our native cattle and taught the world how to drill oil wells. Oklahoma had to borrow a Yankee wagon to get anywhere. Schooner, my ass.
3. Ask anybody in the nation to picture a cowboy, and who do the women see? A long, tall drink of water in jeans and boots and hails from Texas. Ask them about cowboy states and you know where Oklahoma comes in, if it occurs to them at all? Maybe five or six states down... after California... CALIFORNIA!
4. And that's because Oklahoma never produced a President, much less a President who can ride a horse.
5. But it's likely they will never come up with Oklahoma at all. The problem is Oklahoma doesn't come with any idea of what's there.
And that's because nothing IS there... nothing to stop the wind from.... you know.
6. And if that low-down LocoJo wants to claim that late seminary from the swamps named after a dog's chew toy, he's welcome to it, since it was first run by that madman who brought scorched earth warfare to America and burned down Atlanta.
Now, you want to use all your auto-didacticism and explain all this, LocoJo?
Plen'y of air and plen'y of room,
Plen'y of room to swing a rope!
Plen'y of heart and plen'y of hope.
OOOOk-lahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain....
We're only sayin'
You're doin' fine, Oklahoma!
O.K. L - A - H - O - M - A
(Yeeow is about right.)
Texas ---the poor man's Mississippi
Let's compare state achievement scores, shall we?
In fact, let's compare Mississippi to Kazakhstan's... on English!
Here's a good place to start:
Y'alls' most famous, and generally most admired, man, Sam Houston?
Known as Big Drunk. From his days whoring with a Cherokee gal. Pretending to be an Indian.
Set out the Civil War not because he was a moralist ovder slavery. Because he was a pussy, it turns out.
But then, Houston was fron somewhere else. Not Tejas. Just like every other famous "Texian."
Poor Texas. Had to borrow heroes.
I'm trying to see the insult here. Can't find it.
Our heroes were too big for where they were born. They came from all kinds of places, all kinds of nations.
At the Alamo, they made a nation.
Anglos, Mexicans, Africans, Indians.
How did Oklahomans claim their state?
They hid in the ditches till sunrise and when the signal was given they jumped up and planted a rag as a flag.
They slept with the June bugs.
I don't know if that's true, but that's pretty funny...and I'm pretty drunk...ain't figured out if it's a nice or mean drunk
My bunch came to I.T. in the 1870s before it was very pop'lar. I got documents of 'em livin' by official permit, in the Cherokee Nation -- them's the ones, especially, that knew S. Houston as Big Drunk.
And a sad tale that they knew, too.
Texas-donde los hombres son los hombres y las sheep are nervioso ... en voz alta!
Dios dice over Cajuns. Su lo best que puedo hacer hasta Arkansas la paint is seca
Land of the down river people. Were the shit pools.
Dr. ER and I are sorter lookin' at "Stripes" right now and we agree that we miss the Cold WaR -- AT least as far as knowin' who're dang enemies was.
Go ahead. Talk down Indian Country.
It's better than Mogan David concord. But then, I have Mogan David in the icebox, and I do not have any Llano Estacado in the cabinet.
Indian country was Alabama was Mississippi.
Indian Territory was "given" by the Feds, and then "boomers" stole a lot of that, too.
Heh. Feodor talks about Indian Country like peeps talk about Our Lord and Savior.
Indian Country, like Jesus, ain't was; Indian Country, like Jesus, is.
get off me woman!!!I'm bloggernettin!!
what you talkin bout willis? LOL! I wish Conrad Bains was my rich daddy
Indians are alive (despite the odds) but where their autonomous nation was no longer exists.
I was just popping off. I don't mind the Baptist sequitur.
I didnt take no offense...I wanted you to make your point on Jerusalem...I thinks the same
Fact, baptist preachers get runned oft nowadays for sayin such
Should have learned poker.
And the Mets lost again. To the stinking Padres.
Them Native Texas cattles came from Spain.
I've got three jars of pickled Texas Mountain Oysters and I'll be dang if they aren't smaller than quail's eggs. Them things are getting smaller every year.
Hell them friggin Texans would have no longhorns at all except that Oklahoma preserved a herd in the Wichita Wildlife Refuge. Texans still have to come up to Oklahoma to get the genetic variations or their herds would incest out into skin and boners with oysters no bigger than BBs.
Come on by and watch the Texans bid on our cattle the last Thursday in September.
As for being a Sooner that story is just for a little square of land right in the middle of the Oklahoma Territory. Hell, half the "sooners" were shot in the head and in a shallow grave before sunset the day of the run.
We got our homestead down in the Comanche lands from a lottery.
The Texicans tried to move acrost the Red and settle that area three times but were whooped up on and run off by the Comanche and Kiowas each time. It took a Colonel from New Jersey to do what the Texas Indian Fighters and Rangers couldn't get done and that's beat the Comanches.
I remember when Gov. Alfalfa Bill Murrary put tanks along the Red River and dared the Texans to try to cross over. The Texas NG and Rangers pulled back a mile from their bank of the river out of cannon range, cause they knew the old fart wasn't bluffing and they also knew a bunch of those boys from the 45th Infantry were members of the Comanche tribe and had a long time grudge.
Bevo the Steer! A great metaphor for Texas.
Brother Jimmy Carter his own self was there. I couldn't make it, dang it.
Shoots and scores? Nah, he's still using that misfiring, single shot .410. To wit:
"Them Native Texas cattles [sic] came from Spain."
Everything is a descendent of something else. You wont find the Texas Longhorn breed in Spain because it wasn't developed in Spain. Just like you wont find the American Quarter Horse in England or Spain, and yet it was cross bred as well.
But then, it takes a Texan to be up on these things, I guess.
I bet if LocoJo pickles his dick, it would be smaller, too.
Re the Oklahoma refuge and preserve: I never said the backyard wasn't good for anything.
The story of "that small piece of land" right smack in the heart, in fact, the whole heart of the state - the misnomered "Unassigned Lands" (unassigned to white folks) - is, nonetheless, the pride of Oklahoma. (Having no Alamo, it does what it can with what it has.) It is a story honoring folks who defied the federal government, heated up by railroad interests to see settlement of the land as a racial issue, and cheated other law-abiding, play by the rules white folks, and then proudly continues with boomers who defied Presidential decree and took even more land from Indians.
And you wonder why you have the federal and state politicians you do? It's just a continuation of Oklahoma history.
As for the Red River skirmishes, the best analogy is how we have to act like N. Korea is a major player: crazy little Napoleonic societies sometimes go mad and it's just not worth the trouble to settle them straight once and for all.
Well, not over in my home part of the state. Putting I.T. and O.T. together was sort of a forced marriage in the first place. In one semester of state history in ninth grade, we sort of skimmed the land runs and lotteries and all, and concentrated on the Trail of Tears "settlement pattern," for obvious reasons. CherokeeChickasawChoctawCreekandSeminole was one word, just about. Besides, all the dang Yankees that settled in O.T. (with the exception of some Tejans in the southwest region, sorter went agin' our Southron sensibilities.
Sounds right coming a Hereford herder.
Now, ERs scrambling with the Oklahoma ancestor stock. "What, me? I'm not from somewhere else like those sooners.?
Pickens U, with the cowboy who sports chaps and a hat only Truman would wear, riding for the "orange peel."
Something instinctual in us, I guess.
When that time comes, I do have my grandfather's leather rocker with the claw feet.
The family pets own it.
Recipe for extinction; Neanderthals knew what you're going through.
Just a matter of time boy, just a matter of time. Then you'll know how much an "Easy Chair" can mean to you.
GKS if it is just dick size in contest, I'll differ to Texas. They have the biggest dicks down there of anywhere on the globe. that's why they have so many wheelbarrows so's they can comfortably carry them out front as the walk. Say if you ever drive in Texas and see some dude driving from the back seat, well just be advised that as close as his dick will let him get to the dashboard. It is also true that most of the Hell's Angles in Texas require a side car.
Of course the terrible side effect that plagues Texans is that when they pump blood into their thing they pass out from brain's blood drain. So once they get it fully up they don't remember why they needed to. Again Oklahoma serves as a refuge for those female Texans who need something more that sheer bulk and bullshit.
The side on which you find the sidecar serves as information on which side they "dress."
On your "Hell's Angles," maybe you weren't thinking about 90° and more about the diminution of size that came with the Norman Invasion?
But seriously, folks, "the diminution of size that came with the Norman Invasion?" is funny, or at least awfully witty, I don't care who you are.
"Norman"? Double entendre?
But not a kick-stand, apparently.
Three cowboys from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas are sitting around a camp fire.
The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, "Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands."
The Arkansan replies, "Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away."
The Texan just stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
Redneck moral...always keep yore rubbers in the glove box
Cigars and Dickel all around.
Seriously LOLicious, Dr. Bill and ER. I like the whole "stirring the fire with his penis" . . . Too funny.
Last time I worked a crowd in Peoria, a got one purse, six wallets, four watches, and a teddy bear.
Stirring the the coals with his penus. That's Texas inteligence all right. Got a bun?
F: Angles in heavan? Makin fun of me a poor dyslexic?
Well eyoof on you.