Sunday, October 12, 2008


My eyes are dry

PRAYER OF CONFESSION today at church:

Lord of Life, we come together at a time of uncertainty and confusion, not knowing what the future holds, or how to help one another. The church is often devoid of compassion and practicality, because we talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Teach us, in the parables of Jesus, what it means to be a disciple, and lead us by the hand so that we will join hands to build the kingdom. In the name of Jesus our teacher and Lord we pray, Amen.

Oil and wine, please.


Wow. Nothing like admitting one's "eyes are dry" to get 'em leaking.

Just needed a kick in the heart today, and the late Brother Keith gave it to me, as usual.
Don't know if it will help you at all, but I've been going through a spell of dry spirit for at least a couple of months. Just cannot get myself to go to my church except on communion Sunday. I must visit other churches before this staying-home thing becomes an easy habit.
:-) I drag myself to church in self defense, which means, if you think about it, in defense of those around me.
Part of my eye-dryness, I think, is spiritual fatigue from dueling with, well, with forces of darkness: fundamentalist atheists, and fundamentalist factualist Christians. Need to tend to my home fires for a bit, I reckon.
Man, I love Keith Green's voice. I'm listening to "Your Love Broke Thru" as I write - one of my favorites.

I miss ol' Keith. He is one of my early Christian influences that started me down this path to where I am today.
I always feel a little curious when Christians describe going to church as re-charging, and rejuvinating.

For me , going to church was a constant reminder that there were places I would just never belong. No matter what church, it was just a practice of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

I imagine it's a lot like someone with no capacity for imagination being at a science fiction convention. Just a constant sense of displacement.

It's not even as though all of them are unwelcoming it's just like trying to wear someone else's clothes.
I understand. I feel that way the rare times when I have to put on a sport coat, not only the tie, and go to any country-club type setting. I feel like an intruder and can't wait to get out of there.

No biggie. Allow me to use a racin' analogy. :-)

Church is the garage area. The call of the church is on the track of life. I won't miss you in the garage area, 'cause I've already seen ya -- slight glimpses, even on teh Internets -- on the track.
For me , going to church was a constant reminder that there were places I would just never belong.

Maybe it's just a matter of going to the wrong church? I used to feel that way before I found my current church, which truly is energizing and rejuvenating.

Having said that, if there weren't my current church here in town, I am fairly sure I could say the same thing, at least for where I live...
I guess we could all follow Sister Teresa's (the one in India)example of "Fake It Till You Make It". I tried that but it didn't work for me.
Say Dan, you should try being a professional Civil Rights Advocate, and attending a local Church where 80% of the families with children moved outside of the city limits when the city schools integrated, but you didn't and let you children go to school with "those people". Talk about not fitting in.

But having spent about 16 years now out in the spiritual dry lands, at least I have been able to learn to distinguish between mirages and actual pools of water.

So, I can't help but try this "humor". "Don't you listen to him Dan he's a devil not a man and he's cursed the burning sand with water....."


I've been to at least a couple dozen churches in four different denominations (including non-denominational)and three different states...I think I've run the gambit from hostile chip-on-their -shoulder people to vaguely friendly, but uncomfortable that I can't share their entheusiasm, to nice but uncomfortable with intellectualism types.

Mostly, I think it's because I just don't believe the things Christians believe, so the imagry and such is rather hit-and-miss as far as affecting me.

I've drifted from nebulous semi-belief (like, well, I believe it, but you know...not literally) to non-belief in the sense of revealed theism, but continued belief in the sense of a generalized Deism.

*shrug* oh well. I'm glad that people have a place they can go to recharge.

For me, its the gym. For others it's the church, for others, it's the fishing boat. I won't argue.

Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?