Thursday, July 24, 2008
When Cupid gets it wrong
A bone-rattlingly conservative friend of mine told me he broke up with his girlfriend because she was too liberal.
He's libertarian on economics and business, but has about as much patience with moralism and Christian fundamentalism as I do (although he is a Christian).
"How liberal was she?" I asked.
"Canadian Liberal," he said.
"The Lord delivered you, then," I said.
"Absolutely," He did, he said.
I meant it, and he meant it. They would have been miserable in a marriage.
Myself, I never broke up with a gal over politics. In fact, I've only been the one to break up once.
Oh, I know, it was over a trivial thing: She hocked the ring I'd bought her, pawned my stereo, stole my truck and drove it to where she could buy crack, did so, then abandoned my truck on the side of a rough-ass street. She was in recovery, then she was not.
In a few days, when she called me from the vacant office building she'd broken into to hide, I did go and "rescue" her, and I brought her home -- and called her daddy in Houston and told him to come get her and her p.o.s. van.
He did, and I lived happily ever after.
Now, y'all: Tell me about your break-ups. Why did you break up with her? Or with him?
--ER
He's libertarian on economics and business, but has about as much patience with moralism and Christian fundamentalism as I do (although he is a Christian).
"How liberal was she?" I asked.
"Canadian Liberal," he said.
"The Lord delivered you, then," I said.
"Absolutely," He did, he said.
I meant it, and he meant it. They would have been miserable in a marriage.
Myself, I never broke up with a gal over politics. In fact, I've only been the one to break up once.
Oh, I know, it was over a trivial thing: She hocked the ring I'd bought her, pawned my stereo, stole my truck and drove it to where she could buy crack, did so, then abandoned my truck on the side of a rough-ass street. She was in recovery, then she was not.
In a few days, when she called me from the vacant office building she'd broken into to hide, I did go and "rescue" her, and I brought her home -- and called her daddy in Houston and told him to come get her and her p.o.s. van.
He did, and I lived happily ever after.
Now, y'all: Tell me about your break-ups. Why did you break up with her? Or with him?
--ER
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"Now, y'all: Tell me about your break-ups. Why did you break up with her? Or with him?"
Um.... 'cause she was a girl.
:)
Um.... 'cause she was a girl.
:)
The biggest break up came in 2004, and it led me to do the right things in my life. I learned not to settle. I learned to look for what I wanted.
And I found. Praise God and my lovely wife.
I had proposed to this young lass -- I was closer in age to her father than her -- in July 2003. I was in love with her and her young'n, whose "real" dad wasn't at all in the picture.
Over time, though, my touchy-feely nature wasn't being stroked, as it were. I would go to her casa for a visit, and I'd sit on the couch alone while she sat in a chair on the other side of the room.
There was no kissing, no making out, none of the little things LOVEBIRDS do. She had issues -- A LOT OF ISSUES -- and many of them stemmed from a childhood I wouldn't wish on my enemies.
But she wouldn't get help and she wouldn't even talk about her issues. We were destined for failure, no matter how much I wanted it to succeed.
But those "love" things that float in front of your eyes and make you blind to the obvious were not allowing me to see that this beautiful youngster wasn't my fit. I need touhy feely. I need kisses and hugs. I need for my love to understand me and my friends and actually get to know my friends, whether she likes them or not.
The youngster wasn't willing to jump into my world. No way in hell was she ever going to go to a rodeo with me. No way in hell would she venture to a Chiefs football game. No way in hell ... well, you've got the idea.
So as much as it hurt, as much as I bawled like a baby, as much as I spent the next year avoiding "Friends" and other shows we watched together because of the pain, I let her go.
Of course, I'd be an idiot if I didn't mention that none of this happened -- even though I knew deep in my heart that it should -- until her twin sister asked me point blank, "What the hell are you still doing with my sister? She treats you like crap."
So on a night I'll likely never forget, I strolled over to my love's home, kissed "my" baby boy goodbye and told her the relationship HAD to end.
A year or so later, I began the love affair of my life. And while those months were so painful, they were wonderful. Because I found the love of my life, the woman with whom I not only share my passion but also my touch, my feel, my kiss, a love for rodeo and an enjoyment of being together.
I'm blessed to have had that experience half a decade ago, because they've helped me appreciate what I have now.
And I found. Praise God and my lovely wife.
I had proposed to this young lass -- I was closer in age to her father than her -- in July 2003. I was in love with her and her young'n, whose "real" dad wasn't at all in the picture.
Over time, though, my touchy-feely nature wasn't being stroked, as it were. I would go to her casa for a visit, and I'd sit on the couch alone while she sat in a chair on the other side of the room.
There was no kissing, no making out, none of the little things LOVEBIRDS do. She had issues -- A LOT OF ISSUES -- and many of them stemmed from a childhood I wouldn't wish on my enemies.
But she wouldn't get help and she wouldn't even talk about her issues. We were destined for failure, no matter how much I wanted it to succeed.
But those "love" things that float in front of your eyes and make you blind to the obvious were not allowing me to see that this beautiful youngster wasn't my fit. I need touhy feely. I need kisses and hugs. I need for my love to understand me and my friends and actually get to know my friends, whether she likes them or not.
The youngster wasn't willing to jump into my world. No way in hell was she ever going to go to a rodeo with me. No way in hell would she venture to a Chiefs football game. No way in hell ... well, you've got the idea.
So as much as it hurt, as much as I bawled like a baby, as much as I spent the next year avoiding "Friends" and other shows we watched together because of the pain, I let her go.
Of course, I'd be an idiot if I didn't mention that none of this happened -- even though I knew deep in my heart that it should -- until her twin sister asked me point blank, "What the hell are you still doing with my sister? She treats you like crap."
So on a night I'll likely never forget, I strolled over to my love's home, kissed "my" baby boy goodbye and told her the relationship HAD to end.
A year or so later, I began the love affair of my life. And while those months were so painful, they were wonderful. Because I found the love of my life, the woman with whom I not only share my passion but also my touch, my feel, my kiss, a love for rodeo and an enjoyment of being together.
I'm blessed to have had that experience half a decade ago, because they've helped me appreciate what I have now.
Re, "Um.... 'cause she was a girl."
Snort. Now that's there's funny, I don't keer who ya are.
Teditor: I remember those dark days of yers. Glad you were still able to enough of a glimpse of light to get yerself out of the fog.
A certain young lad attached to the one I extricated myself from made it harder, for me, too. I mean until she stole my truck. :-)
Snort. Now that's there's funny, I don't keer who ya are.
Teditor: I remember those dark days of yers. Glad you were still able to enough of a glimpse of light to get yerself out of the fog.
A certain young lad attached to the one I extricated myself from made it harder, for me, too. I mean until she stole my truck. :-)
Ugh. There's not enough space in the blogosphere for me to go through all of that again. Let's just all nod in agreement that I had more than just cause. And it's a good thing I managed to stay out of prison.
Hmmm... the most concrete reasons have been: gambling addiction, alcohol addiction, incredibly bad sex (and wouldn't take suggestions), and being completely spineless.
But on two occasions I've broken up with someone because of a gut feeling. They seemed perfectly nice at first, but in both cases there was some sort of underlying creepiness that I couldn't figure out. Then again, I didn't spend a whole lot of time trying, either.
Oh, and I counted 'em all up and my dumpee-to-dumper ratio is 1:1. Go figure.
But on two occasions I've broken up with someone because of a gut feeling. They seemed perfectly nice at first, but in both cases there was some sort of underlying creepiness that I couldn't figure out. Then again, I didn't spend a whole lot of time trying, either.
Oh, and I counted 'em all up and my dumpee-to-dumper ratio is 1:1. Go figure.
I started seeing a young woman toward the end of my third year in college. We kept in touch during the summer, but after returning to school in the fall, and spending time together, I just wasn't happy, and I broke up with her, as nicely but honestly as I could.
The resulting hate-filled emails she sent me on the University computer system (an old IBM VAX-11780 mainframe that had less computing power than my cell phone) and one accidental run-in in which she sneered at me and said, "You motherfucker" in front of several of my friends so loaded me with guilt that I approached her (trust me, it wasn't easy) about some kind of second chance. Had I been a bit more mature, a bit less guilty, and had a spine, I would have ignored all of it, deleted her emails, and figured that anyone willing to call me a name like that wasn't worth my time of day.
Anyway, that was in the fall of 1986. We broke up for good in that fall of 1988, two years too late for both of us. Wasted time like that is a shame. No serious reasons - just two different people who never should have been together in the first place. We all live and learn.
The resulting hate-filled emails she sent me on the University computer system (an old IBM VAX-11780 mainframe that had less computing power than my cell phone) and one accidental run-in in which she sneered at me and said, "You motherfucker" in front of several of my friends so loaded me with guilt that I approached her (trust me, it wasn't easy) about some kind of second chance. Had I been a bit more mature, a bit less guilty, and had a spine, I would have ignored all of it, deleted her emails, and figured that anyone willing to call me a name like that wasn't worth my time of day.
Anyway, that was in the fall of 1986. We broke up for good in that fall of 1988, two years too late for both of us. Wasted time like that is a shame. No serious reasons - just two different people who never should have been together in the first place. We all live and learn.
Re, "two years too late for both of us"
Why poisonous relationships persist is one of the mysteries of bein' a human bean.
Why poisonous relationships persist is one of the mysteries of bein' a human bean.
The only good thing is we were both young enough to recover from it and move on. We actually spent about a year or so corresponding as friends, once the initial recriminations and all ended. When she had her first post-me relationship, I was so happy for her, and she encouraged me as well. We drifted apart after a while, as friends separated by time and space do. I feel fortunate, though, that we didn't keep going, stubbornly, and make things worse.
People are stupid, I guess. At least about some things. In my case, cowardly as well.
People are stupid, I guess. At least about some things. In my case, cowardly as well.
Kirsten, honey, eight months? Never forget the importance of long showers.
Long, long, long showers.
Long, long, long showers.
Well there are tales about them that got away. It was 100% them that did the breaking off, except for one whom I tried to leave. She just looked at me and said, you aren't getting rid of me that easy. That was over 41 years ago.
Sure am glad those others didn't want me.
Sure am glad those others didn't want me.
My first wife informed me she was no longer in love with me, and after a review of my job performance decided to terminate my contract....I was a bit surprised.
ER: my terms for him are much less polite, but far more colorful. ;-)
Teditor: I didn't mean at all! Just not with him.
Oh, and realized that I forgot one in my original list: pathological liar.
I sure can pick 'em.
Teditor: I didn't mean at all! Just not with him.
Oh, and realized that I forgot one in my original list: pathological liar.
I sure can pick 'em.
I don't have many break-up stories, 'cause I didn't date much and I got married very young.
But I got a couple of great break-up stories second hand. One was this guy I was friends with. Sort of. We read the same books, hung out on the same places,a nd whenever we talked we had GREAT conversations.
Thing is, he wouldn't be seen in public with me...or any other girl. Sometimes we'd be having a conversation, and he waould just mumble "I gotta go" and walk away.
Turns out, he had a girl friend who worked for campus security. She was over-bearing, controlling, and had friends (other security people) in every building on campus all the time, who apparently reported every move this guy made to her.
One day, after Id realized what was happening, I said to him "Your girlfriends a psycho, and you need to dump her."
He finally did.
That's when the phone calls started, as well as people coming into my dorm roon while I was out and leaving note, trashing the place, etc.
Once, I was walking home after dark and couple of someones threw a jacket or something over my head and roughed me up...and then ran off.
The phone calls became more threateneing, and I was getting onimous e-mails from an account that didn't exsist on the university computer system.
Years later, I noticed a similar pattern of withdrawal while he was dating another lady. Similar situation. She started trying to drive a wedge between us.
One day she called up and claimed that he had beaten her and her children and said he was going to come back and kill her.
Hed been at our house all day, and was still asleep on our couch, where he has fallen asleep after helping us out with some chores.
He wouldn't leave because of the kids. Loved them, he was the only source of stability in their lives.
Eventually, he DID leave, but only after the abuse became physical and life-thretening. She lost the kids shortly after that.
One day she showed up at my house uninvited driving a big, shiney Towncar. She was all friendly and huggy, and asked about my kids.
I told her to leave, and to stay away from me, and away from my family and friends. I told her that if she ever saw me again, she had better RUN away.
She turned pale and left.
Now, he's been married to a nice lady for over a year and hes a very very happy man.
Two of the second psychos children still view him as a father figure. He recently attended the wedding of one of these fine young men.
The end.
But I got a couple of great break-up stories second hand. One was this guy I was friends with. Sort of. We read the same books, hung out on the same places,a nd whenever we talked we had GREAT conversations.
Thing is, he wouldn't be seen in public with me...or any other girl. Sometimes we'd be having a conversation, and he waould just mumble "I gotta go" and walk away.
Turns out, he had a girl friend who worked for campus security. She was over-bearing, controlling, and had friends (other security people) in every building on campus all the time, who apparently reported every move this guy made to her.
One day, after Id realized what was happening, I said to him "Your girlfriends a psycho, and you need to dump her."
He finally did.
That's when the phone calls started, as well as people coming into my dorm roon while I was out and leaving note, trashing the place, etc.
Once, I was walking home after dark and couple of someones threw a jacket or something over my head and roughed me up...and then ran off.
The phone calls became more threateneing, and I was getting onimous e-mails from an account that didn't exsist on the university computer system.
Years later, I noticed a similar pattern of withdrawal while he was dating another lady. Similar situation. She started trying to drive a wedge between us.
One day she called up and claimed that he had beaten her and her children and said he was going to come back and kill her.
Hed been at our house all day, and was still asleep on our couch, where he has fallen asleep after helping us out with some chores.
He wouldn't leave because of the kids. Loved them, he was the only source of stability in their lives.
Eventually, he DID leave, but only after the abuse became physical and life-thretening. She lost the kids shortly after that.
One day she showed up at my house uninvited driving a big, shiney Towncar. She was all friendly and huggy, and asked about my kids.
I told her to leave, and to stay away from me, and away from my family and friends. I told her that if she ever saw me again, she had better RUN away.
She turned pale and left.
Now, he's been married to a nice lady for over a year and hes a very very happy man.
Two of the second psychos children still view him as a father figure. He recently attended the wedding of one of these fine young men.
The end.
# posted by 
: 10:51 AM
: 10:51 AM
My first ex husband pawned my camera (a very nice one) so he could buy a blowjob. He did some other crappy things too but that should have been enough. Second ex just couldn't get it together but blamed me for everything. Oh and he told me I had trapped him by getting pregnant. We had been married for several years by then. I can pick 'em.
# posted by : 7:16 PM
: 7:16 PM
The first girl I ever had sex with would eventually become the mother of my children. On more than off for seven years, with a number of them involving me living in Portland and her living in Pendleton.
She had multiple personality disorder, complicated by indiscriminate over-prescribing small town psychiatrists. I once turned around just in time to prevent her from plunging a knife into my back. On top of all this, she just wasn't very nice.
Ultimately though, she was the one who left me, when my daughter was two years old. I don't regret it, as my kid and I have a great relationship, and I actually got to live my life, instead of being stuck with one of the meanest people I've ever met.
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She had multiple personality disorder, complicated by indiscriminate over-prescribing small town psychiatrists. I once turned around just in time to prevent her from plunging a knife into my back. On top of all this, she just wasn't very nice.
Ultimately though, she was the one who left me, when my daughter was two years old. I don't regret it, as my kid and I have a great relationship, and I actually got to live my life, instead of being stuck with one of the meanest people I've ever met.
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