Friday, June 27, 2008
The social cost of Yankee efficiencies
Longtime good friend K.Kat (pictured, in the early stages of a night-time mountain beer-drinkin'), whose conservatism makes McCain out to be a flaming lefty, and who wears his Southernness on his sleeve, was in town, from our stompin' grounds in rural eastern Oklahoma, for bidness the other night, and over supper we got to talkin' about Yankee brusqueness.It always comes across as rudeness.
K.Kat was saying how one of his employees, who works from a smallish town in Texas, always gets his dander up when a supervisor in Chicago gets on the phone and starts telling him where to head in at. You *will* do this, and you *will* do that today, and so on.
The Texan told K.Kat that he appreciates it when K.Kat calls and says something like, Could you take care of this today? Or, Don't you think you should do that today? See, the Texan knows that even though K.Kat is asking him, he's tellin' him.
That Yankee just rubs the Texan, and K.Kat, the wrong way. Same thing happens to me a lot when I'm on the phone with a Yank -- until I disarm him or her with my country charm or a redneck one-liner or something.
K.Kat reminded me of one reason Southerners are so polite to one another: Back in the day, you never knew who was carryin' heat. Even nowadays, you never know who's just on the verge of kicking somebody ass's already, so it pays to be nice.
Yesterday morning, I was thinking of this as I entered and exited a kindness chain at a convenience store. The store was packed with only one person behind the counter. We all waited quietly, at the morning rush hour.
Then, as I was leaving the store, at the door I stood and waited as another man at the door held the door open for someone else; then it was my turn, so I held the door for someone else, then exited; then that someone else held the door for someone else; and then, I swear, that someone else held the door for someone else.
And we all every one of us were excuse-me'ing, why-thank-you'ing and you're-welcoming to beat the band. The Mexicans even. All with everybody in a rush to get to work.
Another friend of mine who grew up in Oklahoma has now lived in New York City about as long as he lived here. After a few years up there, he wrote and told me that he never realized how inefficient such "faux" kindnesses and niceties made life. Said he could get in and out of his neighborhood deli in 2 minutes flat just because nobody ever had a thing to say to one another. At all. Ever.
Gah. He can keep it. Life is too short to save time by not being kind.
--ER
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I'm a native midwesterner. Just today someone told me that they could tell that - even though I'm a yankee transplant - they could tell I wasn't from the Northeast. Why?
Cause I'm all hey, how'u? Before I got down to bidness.
The regional differences do show.
And I had a boss (native Floridian) who was just as direct and "efficient" as anyone from NYC. Go figure!
Cause I'm all hey, how'u? Before I got down to bidness.
The regional differences do show.
And I had a boss (native Floridian) who was just as direct and "efficient" as anyone from NYC. Go figure!
# posted by 
: 2:19 PM
: 2:19 PM
Well, unless it's the Panhandle, Florida is only technically in the South. Like Atlanta. ;-)
I exaggerate. But Greater Miami is its own city-state, I hear.
I exaggerate. But Greater Miami is its own city-state, I hear.
BTW, no personal offense intended toward any of my Yankee peeps on this hyear blog! Y'all are swell. :-)
mominem? I can usually decipher your phraseology, but that one has me stumped.
It's funny, I'd never consider myself a Yankee, but a Midwesterner. (Though if you ask lots of Midwesterners, they'll tell you that Michigan is not a Midwestern state, but an Eastern state.) If I were to use the word Yankee, which I never do, I'd probably use it to refer to New Englanders, or those historical figures who fought for the Union in the Civil War.
I don't think we Midwesterners are nearly as rude as folks on the east coast (I'm thinking particularly New Yorkers, who are a breed apart anyway.) However, in order to tell how rude we are or aren't, you'd have to get us to talk to you in the first place. That would seriously disturb our Midwestern reserve. :)
It's funny, I'd never consider myself a Yankee, but a Midwesterner. (Though if you ask lots of Midwesterners, they'll tell you that Michigan is not a Midwestern state, but an Eastern state.) If I were to use the word Yankee, which I never do, I'd probably use it to refer to New Englanders, or those historical figures who fought for the Union in the Civil War.
I don't think we Midwesterners are nearly as rude as folks on the east coast (I'm thinking particularly New Yorkers, who are a breed apart anyway.) However, in order to tell how rude we are or aren't, you'd have to get us to talk to you in the first place. That would seriously disturb our Midwestern reserve. :)
Ah. All I could think of was:
mominem
da daaah dee da da
mominem
da da dee da
mominem
etc...
And I couldn't figure out why you were asking me about a Muppets sketch. :)
mominem
da daaah dee da da
mominem
da da dee da
mominem
etc...
And I couldn't figure out why you were asking me about a Muppets sketch. :)
Alan: Aaaaauuuugh! I'd had that song stuck in my head for the last two days and finally got rid of it, but now it's back! Darn you!
ER: Yeah, I think there's something to the urban/rural thing too. Live in WV for a few years as a kid--town of 8,000--and it in my memory it was much more southern than eastern, despite it's leanings in the War of Northern Aggression. ;-)
ER: Yeah, I think there's something to the urban/rural thing too. Live in WV for a few years as a kid--town of 8,000--and it in my memory it was much more southern than eastern, despite it's leanings in the War of Northern Aggression. ;-)
Whew! I was a little worried I might be too urban, bein' a California girl and all, BUT, I got the "mominem" right away! :)
We have a lot of Easterner transplants here. I have to agree with their "efficiency". It's funny to watch the reaction of people when I hold the door. Some are just as nice as southerners (only it's usually "gracias"), others just look surprised. ;)
We have a lot of Easterner transplants here. I have to agree with their "efficiency". It's funny to watch the reaction of people when I hold the door. Some are just as nice as southerners (only it's usually "gracias"), others just look surprised. ;)
# posted by : 6:10 PM
: 6:10 PM
As an honest-to-goodness Yankee (born in PA, bred in NY, my five years in VA being penance for unknown sins) I must confess that I prefer the quiet and anonymity, which you see as brusqueness and rudeness. Especially in professional situations, all that "So, how y'all dune" stuff is more than annoying. Time is money when you're on the clock, and that wastes my time. I had enough of it in Virginia, and am glad to be back in a place that remembers that professional phone courtesy means getting down to business because the other five lines are ringing.
Also, as for in-and-out of a deli in two minutes - sounds like a dream to me. In our little town, we have an ice cream parlor. Everyone knows everyone, obviously, and yet I so much prefer to stand silently in line, or at best chat with my girls, than engage in small talk with someone. I'm not unfriendly; I just prefer it that way. Especially if I'm there with my daughters, that is our time, and I feel that time infringed upon by someone who believes it courtesy not to realize that, or accept my refusal to engage beyond a "Hello" as a sign I much prefer to be quiet.
Am I rude? I suppose I come across that way. Life is too short to have cheeriness imposed upon me by those who insist that smiles make the best umbrellas.
Also, as for in-and-out of a deli in two minutes - sounds like a dream to me. In our little town, we have an ice cream parlor. Everyone knows everyone, obviously, and yet I so much prefer to stand silently in line, or at best chat with my girls, than engage in small talk with someone. I'm not unfriendly; I just prefer it that way. Especially if I'm there with my daughters, that is our time, and I feel that time infringed upon by someone who believes it courtesy not to realize that, or accept my refusal to engage beyond a "Hello" as a sign I much prefer to be quiet.
Am I rude? I suppose I come across that way. Life is too short to have cheeriness imposed upon me by those who insist that smiles make the best umbrellas.
E.R., as a Okie transplanted to South Florida, I get a good taste of the Yankee way. Down here in Broward, which they call NYC's sixth borough, most are from somewhere else, mainly the northeast.
It's just...different. It has an air of people who only think about themselves and believe the world revolves around them. You can tell the most on the road. The stories I could tell ye...
It's just...different. It has an air of people who only think about themselves and believe the world revolves around them. You can tell the most on the road. The stories I could tell ye...
# posted by : 6:44 PM
: 6:44 PM
Oh..and on the Florida panhandle comment...they say the farther north ya go, the farther south ya go.
# posted by : 6:45 PM
: 6:45 PM
And one more --- I just saw Dave Barry speak...And about Miami being its own city-state, he said, "Hi. I want to welcome all of you to Miami, my hometown. I moved here from the United States..."
# posted by : 6:48 PM
: 6:48 PM
"even the Mexicans"....
Say what?
Doing business used to be akin to a religious activity that required protocols, cerimony, and patience.
I'd agree that, yep, Urban Florida is an extension of New York City and Northern New Jersey.
Yankee's west of the tidal bore of the Hudson split into two groups: rural and urban.
Rural's are friendly, but you got to know the subtle signs, a slight lift and tilt of the chin while looking just to the left of their face. Western New York and the upper Midwest it is more a slow up and down nod of the head. Nothing is ever said.
Then there is finger lifting country. No not the middle finger. Generally it is the left index finger on the steering wheel. This of course is only given on a dirt road when you come head on to the other driver. It is all over the West. In West Texas and Southern Oklahoma you have to lift the hand up, make a quarter turn of the hand and sort of point towards the fellow.
Most of the West (excluding California) a man wearing a hat (or cap) touches the brim with his right hand and says "May-em" when he meets a woman older than 12.
It ain't so much we are that much friendlier, as we are more demonstrative about it.
As far as standing in line, say we usually only have five or six in line, New York the lines can be 20 deep, sort of reminds you of one of those Visa debit card commercials.
Say what?
Doing business used to be akin to a religious activity that required protocols, cerimony, and patience.
I'd agree that, yep, Urban Florida is an extension of New York City and Northern New Jersey.
Yankee's west of the tidal bore of the Hudson split into two groups: rural and urban.
Rural's are friendly, but you got to know the subtle signs, a slight lift and tilt of the chin while looking just to the left of their face. Western New York and the upper Midwest it is more a slow up and down nod of the head. Nothing is ever said.
Then there is finger lifting country. No not the middle finger. Generally it is the left index finger on the steering wheel. This of course is only given on a dirt road when you come head on to the other driver. It is all over the West. In West Texas and Southern Oklahoma you have to lift the hand up, make a quarter turn of the hand and sort of point towards the fellow.
Most of the West (excluding California) a man wearing a hat (or cap) touches the brim with his right hand and says "May-em" when he meets a woman older than 12.
It ain't so much we are that much friendlier, as we are more demonstrative about it.
As far as standing in line, say we usually only have five or six in line, New York the lines can be 20 deep, sort of reminds you of one of those Visa debit card commercials.
Minnesotans are constantly ridiculed for the "over-share" around the world. Moving too slow, stating the obvious "Hi, how are you, nice weather huh? So, you called me about some business?
Noticed how the "intrusive" (The one who greets her seat-mate) lady on the plane in the movies and such almost always seems to have an outragously charactured Minnesota accent?
I don't think you can paint all Yankees with that brush, red.
You know...when I was in SPAIN I met someone who had heard of "Minnesota nice".
There's a saying that if you lose your wallet in Minnesota, you will get it back, and there will be MORE money in it.
:-)
Noticed how the "intrusive" (The one who greets her seat-mate) lady on the plane in the movies and such almost always seems to have an outragously charactured Minnesota accent?
I don't think you can paint all Yankees with that brush, red.
You know...when I was in SPAIN I met someone who had heard of "Minnesota nice".
There's a saying that if you lose your wallet in Minnesota, you will get it back, and there will be MORE money in it.
:-)
# posted by : 7:30 AM
: 7:30 AM
Ooooh, we ike MinneSOHtans in the ER household. Come over and bring some bahrs! ;-)
I think it'd be a hoot to get a bunch of friendly Okie-Texans together with a bunch of MinneSOHtans!
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I think it'd be a hoot to get a bunch of friendly Okie-Texans together with a bunch of MinneSOHtans!
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