Rev. Erudite Redneck, B.S., B.S., M.A., M.Div.

Just say "Nyet!"
 

I'll admit it. I've done the Yahoo personals thing and some other singles place off and on for a few years. I've met some people and dated a few. Some have become friends. Others I'm glad I haven't seen again. Some were interesting, some dull as dishwater.
For me, it has not been the path to a long-term personal relationship, but by being smart about meeting people in public places and all the safeguards that come with that, it has been good as a way of meeting people I would not have otherwise. You just have to know when to cut your losses and walk away, or to recognize the difference between a friendship and a romance. Just like everyday life any other way you meet people.
 

I wish things were as easy as in my dream last night. I found myself in front of city hall, in a crowd (which doesn't happen here). A man in a nice suit walked up to me and said "I think we may be in love. Would you like to go out and see if that's true?"
Best line ever. Too bad it wasn't real.
 

Tough call...
I know some people that have jumped the 'net to get into the dating scene. One of my friends, by using these services, actually got married. A bit shocking. Then, I have heard the stories of guys "dating around" by using the internet. Really, its sort of an odd thing this internet dating. I think some barriers could be let down at first, making the start of the relationship easier. I mean, at least you get a profile on the person you might meet up with. Yet, trust should be earned. That might be obvious, but should be said.

To make things more odd.. I think das Goat has tried it (could be wrong though). Perhaps he would be a good person to ask... :)
 

I've been doing it that way for several years now, and have nothing but good to say about it. I've gained everything from evenings of pleasant conversation all the way to relationships that last years (like my current one).

And anyone who tells (her) that it's an oddly artificial (or just weird) way of doing things is off, because when you meet a stranger the old fashioned way, they're still just a stranger, and you still need to get to know them.

This way, you have the text version of how people would like to be seen, and when you meet them, you get to find out what they Are.

But yeah: be careful. Public meetin' places, all that. She's made it this far though, so I'm suspecting she already knows that.
 

Have many friends who've done it (one friend who flew across the country, to the States, all over the place to meet the guys, (on numerous occasions), I always refused (was a single mom for 10 years) - the one thing I noticed is that it can really drag down your self esteem, and in the end you just feel like you're worthless.

Met hubby after ten years at a church picnic that one my kids dragged me to, because she had a crush on a boy from her school.
 

Naw, stay away from people all together. Get a cat.
 

I've never tried it so I really don't have an opinion. Yep, that's right, I just stepped in here to say I don't have an opinion. Geez, I need a life. Hey, let me know how it works out for her.

Crystal
 

Ok, guys. Thanks for all the words of wisdom. I am still making my mind up.

Keep on with the stories. Tell me more.

Thanks ER. I knew your friends would help me.;-)
Jeannie Diane
 

e harmony's supposed to be good...
 

Have tried eHarmony ad nauseum because it is nothing if not a brilliant marketing machine. Used to believe their hype about how you'd find the love of your life "their" way, by getting to know someone from the "inside out."

That worked up to a point, then I met a man (I'm a gal) and, though I wasn't knocked out by him, could see that we were compatible personalitywise, so eHarmony might have been correct. Being a gal, I'd have given it time to blossom into something -- except that I got e-dumped with a frank e-mail that said he felt no chemistry, and it usually didn't develop for him. (He decided this after dragging me out 2 hours from my place to hike on two different occasions on 2 different routes around the same mountain -- with each hike lasting no less than 4 hours.)

Now, I am smokin' hot to certain men, but not to this guy. That was 3 years ago and I am STILL steamed about it!

Wanna know why? Because his attitude was that I was such a neat person, he STILL wanted to be friends, though he knew I'd probably be very hurt by his not being attracted to me.

THE IDEA! I don't think I'd given him any indication of how I "felt" about him, other than that I was making an effort to get to know him. I thought it was arrogant to assume that I would be hurt. I was not at a point that I knew enough about him. I was hurt all right, but not because he broke my heart.

He damaged my psyche.

I should have just moved on and forgotten about this -- but it niggles at me a LOT! Because it just proves what the stereotype says -- that men are ALL ABOUT instant chemistry and what a gal looks like (did I mention that some men find me smokin' hot?), and there is NOT ONE THING A WOMAN CAN DO ABOUT IT ... if the feeling is not mutual.

Considering that ideally, you get that mutual feeling only rarely, it is a royal PAIN to subject yourself to mostly rejection in the online arena.

I occasionally forget my own bad experiences (nope, never ended up with a friend, even, out of it; praise God no lunatics, either) -- and fiddle with it again. Then I remember: NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS.
 

Oh, Re: e-Harmony. I'm not that fond of their "selection" process. I signed up but not as a paid customer, and the men they've matched me with are all from other states, far-flung. Y'know, if I'm going to date someone, I'd much rather it be someone I'm going to be able to see locally.
Yahoo's been my best source. But one thing about them is that a man can respond "Any" to the criteria -- any color eyes, any color hair, any political beliefs, any faith.... etc.

I'd prefer a man who has a bit more of a clue about what he's looking for, and honestly screen for it. It makes me feel like he'd settle for anything if he has no preferences to express.

I'll also say that many of the men I've met online really do just have one thing on their mind. And you have to decide if you're going to tolerate some of the behavior many of them will try. Some can be real jerks, just like anyone you'd meet any other way.

The ones who have crushed me are the ones who talk about how they want an honest relationship without any game-playing. Then six weeks later, they write the e-mail that reveals they've been dating someone else and were breaking their plans with me.
 

So there are no good ones!
What I've seen is people (usually guys, sorry men, if it's a stereotype, I'd love it not to be) wooing more than one person but saying that they're only interested in the one they're e-mailing or with at the moment.

A friend of mine discovered "her" man had several online identities, while they were supposedly "serious". She was able to figure it out, because as a journalist, she recognized the writing style.

Needless to say, I've seen so much hurting from online dating, and even the "successes" (usually involving a married person leaving their spouse for the exciting online partner) are iffy because of the circumstances.

But then again Pastor T met his wife over the internet...(in his bio)
 

S--T! I just lost a long, thoughtful comment. :-( Phooeey!!!
 

One more thought, then I'll stop. I think if I had kids, I would not go the online route.
 

If you have kids, it's so hard to go any route - you want to be a good example, but if you do decide to date , then the number of kids influences whether or not they add to the equation or turn the guys off.

1 child - this gal will find her man! It's almost better to have had one child (in whatever circumstances), once you're in your 30s, than to have none at all. Why? - beats me, but a woman in her 30s without a child will find it harder to find a serious partner than one with.

2 children - still acceptable in the dating world, and can still make the mom look attractive.

3 children, you've got a better chance of being hit by lightning than finding someone who wants more than a superficial physical relationship. If this woman, because of her wonderful personality, intellect and outstanding good looks does attract someone serious, everyone will be surprised and consider him to be a saint. She will here things like: "Isn't he brave. Aren't you glad he's willing to look after you. It takes a special person to accept all those kids!Not too many of those around!"

4 or more- well, let's not even go there.
 

Puppies are good too.
 

Well, between what you all have said. The STD pamplets I picked up. I may very well be backing up very fast.

Have any of you checked out all the STD's out there? I think the thing that scared me the most. Each of them said from 50 to 75% did not have any symtoms.

Is that body comdom ready yet? Now I am not looking to jump in the bed. But it is important if I find the right person.

I may just look around. I have a lot to give to someone. And NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS. Is pretty scary.

sigh....
Jeannie Diane
 

I don't know if you talk to God about this, but I believe that complaining to Him and nagging a lot helped move things forward for me, anyway.
And then it all went really smoothly.
 

I did that for a year after my live in girlfriend and I split up. It was fun but exhausting and the percentage of good ones vs bad ones is staggering. That being said, its about the same percentage as you would find anywhere.

As a guy, I heard all the horror stories from the girls I went out with who talked about all the shady guys just saying anything to get laid.

I had my best luck on Fast Cupid (Onion, Bust,Salon) but I don't know if thats where I would go if I was 40 with kids.
 

OH, by the way, I did actually date some of those people for more than one date but the longest relationship out of em all was only 2 months. That being said, I know three people who either got married or are on their way to marriage through the dating services.

Just be particular, exact and precise about what you want and stand out some how.

Also, if you are a movie buff for instance try using a quote from an obscure movie in your headline. Same goes for book or music geeks or bible thumpers or what ever it is you are into
 

Thanks so much.
Jeannie Diane