Saturday, March 03, 2007
Mercy drops round me are falling
By The Erudite Redneck
Last Sunday night, an hour or so before Mama passed, I asked Big Brudder, Little Big Sister and Big Big Sister, who were all in her room, to give me a few minutes alone with her. They all graciously jumped up and gave me the room.
What follows is a very close paraphrase of what I told her. I'm sharing it here because I think it's a good coda for all this -- not that y'all will never see Mama ER mentioned here again! I just need to bring this long story to a close.
Mama, I love you. I want to tell you some things.
I'm so proud of you, and so proud that you're my mama. Thank you for being you and for loving me and for being such an example of love.
Thank you for taking me to church. You brought me up in the way I should go, and, like the Bible says, I did not depart from it. You know that after 20 years of going to church once in awhile, here and there, I joined a church last July. It's because you took me to church when I was little.
Mama, Jesus is real. He rode with me from the city getting here today. It's no parlor trick. It's not just words. Jesus is real, and he loves us. He loves you. He's here right now.
Mama, you are so blessed. I know you are blessed because you're a blessing to me, and to everyone you've ever met. God loves you vertically, and you take it and love everybody around you horizontally. Isn't that exactly the way it's supposed to be!
And Mama, I'm sorry. If we kept you and held onto you too long, we're so sorry. We didn't know what else to do. We love you. I love you.
x x x
You know, we all know we did everything possible for Mama. And, although we wondered at times if we did hold on too long, when it came down to it, we reached consensus that it was time to let her go.
A few things over the past few days made me tear up:
The kindness of my best high school friend, K.Kat, who still lives in the old stomping grounds and stuck as close to me as a brother all week.
The kindness of my best non-high school friend, GP, who drove up from the Dallas area for the funeral and came out to the cemetery.
The unexpected appearance of Tom Kat, old high school friend, who I hadn't seen in years and years and years. His own mama's headstone is close to Mama ER and Daddy ER's, and I know it was hard for him to be there. His mama, unlike Mama ER, just up and died on him when we were about 18 or 19. It sent him into a real spin. To see him there for me and Mama ER was a blessing.
Jeanie Diane: Bless your heart. For everything.
Y'all! I have been sustained by bloggy prayers, happy-happy thoughts, hopes and good karma. It blows me away to know that people I've never met, who know Mama only as "Mama ER," have been praying for her, for me, for us, all over the country. Wow. Bless you all.
x x x
For the record, here are the Scriptures read at the funeral:
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. ... Her children arise up, and call her blessed ... -- Proverbs 31: 10, 28.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. -- Proverbs 22: 6.
Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way? Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. -- John 14: 1-6.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. -- Psalm 23
About the headline: It's a line from "There Shall Be Showers of Blessing." Y'all have been that much of a blessing to me. Thank you.
There was no moment in my life that I learned more than with my own Mama as her hours drew to an end. Thank God Almighty for the words she was able to say to me, and the ones I could say to her.
It's a fine AMEN to your trials, my friend. And I'm also grateful for the cyber hymnal. It's a true gift for being able to share the music as well as the words.
I lost my daddy last February. It was hard to let go, and urge him to let go.