Sunday, March 25, 2007

 

'Grace By Which I Stand' &c.

Man. I had an emotional microburst between church and home today. Sort of an I-miss-my-mama-slash-this-whole-moving-to-Colorado-thing-has-me-scared-to-death kind of a thing.

Mr. D at church, who always has kind words for me, let me bend his ears. I confessed to my brother that I am, in fact, scared to death. And whiney. And mopey. About this Colorado thing. And I want my mama.

I know it's a "failure of imagination." But still. I know the Scripture reading this morning was Matthew 6: 25-34. But still ...

The fact is I'm content and comfortable where I am, doing what I do. I can't imagine where the energy to make this transition is going to come from.

I confess that my worry is robbing Dr. ER of some of the joy she should be experiencing, because this move makes her happy after a long period of unhappiness.

Confessional songs like these from the late Keith Green are helpful.


"Grace By Which I Stand"


Lord, the feelings are not the same,

I guess I'm older, I guess I've changed.

And how I wish it had been explained,

that as you're growing you must remember,

That nothing lasts, except the grace of God, by which I stand, in Jesus.

I know that I would surely fall away, except for grace, by which I'm saved.


Lord, I remember that special way,

I vowed to serve you, when it was brand new.

But like Peter, I can't even watch and pray one hour with you,

And I bet I could deny you too.

But nothing lasts, except the grace of God, by which I stand, in Jesus.

I'm sure that my whole life would waste away,

except for grace, by which I'm saved.

But nothing lasts, except the grace of God, by which I stand, in Jesus.

I know that I would surely fall away, except for grace, by which I'm saved.



"My Eyes are Dry"

My eyes are dry, my faith is old,

My heart is hard, my prayers are cold,

And I know how I ought to be,

Alive to you, and dead to me.


Oh what can be done, for an old heart like mine,

Soften it up, with oil and wine.

The oil is You, Your Spirit of love,

Please wash me anew, in the wine of Your blood.




(Get all Keith Green lyrics here.)


--ER

Comments:
easy, bub! you're moving to one of the most beautiful places on god's green earth. consider the blessing in that. i know change is difficult for those of us long in the tooth, so just lean on the dr. when you gotta. i'm sure she won't mind.

and surely you'll be bringing mama with you.

KEvron
 
Made me smile, Kev, w/ "and surely you'll be bringing mama with you."

Indeed, I will, in a way I couldn't before, actually, I reckon.
 
I think I now understand why I've been experiencing this weird thing -- I knew it was a God thing because it is so odd.

For the past two weeks, I've been waking in the dark. And in the night I see the numbers on my clock, always shining out 5:41.

You know me well enough to know I'm not normally the type to believe there IS a 5:41 a.m., but there it was, Every.Morning! 5:41.

Then I started being compelled to Matthew. So I wise up one night at Barnes & Noble as I'm passing the Bibles and decide now's as good a time as any to see if there's any reason I should be looking at Matthew 5:41.

Here's what it says, but I look at it and change the word "forces" to "asks," because now I think it's YOUR message:

(Matthew 5:41)
If someone asks (forces) you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

***

Don't be afraid to put aside the comfortable past to grab the blessings God is waiting to give you. He is exceedingly pleased to provide in abundance, but you can only accept the gift if you're willing to set aside what you have in your hands now. (That kind of summarizes my discussion yesterday with my association pastor and her sermon this morning.)
 
I am compelled by circumstances beyond my control to go one mile. I am fighing the identity crisis that will come with leaving the job-career I have now if I don't get something very similar there. Because I AM a journalist. I don't DO journalism. ... and maybe that is the very thing I'm being compelled to give up. Maybe there is a new calling involved here -- for I do, in fact, consider journalism a calling. May I have ears to hear ...
 
You're preachin' to the choir. I've put something on my blog just for you. Go looky.
 
That cat would make my sissy kitty -- Ice-T, who sooo does NOT deserve his tough-sounding rapper name -- run right under the bed.
 
Scary seeable at Trixie's joint:

http://trixieshome.blogspot.com/
2007/03/just-for-er-to-show-
him-i-understand.html
 
Dang it: "Scary CAT seeable ..."
 
Mr. D said to me this morning, after church, after I'd bitched and carried on a bit, "At least you have lots of friends. I see them on your blog."

And I thought, "What? Those are just people who leave comments."

I do have lots of friends on this blog, some of whom also are friends in the RW.

Bless you, Nick, and Trixie, and Kev -- and others. Bless you all.

About a year ago, I sensed a call. I'd forgotten what all such calls from God can entail. I am in for a ride to beat all. All I'm doing right now is trying to hold on.
 
Oh there are so many things I could say, but it's all summed up in this: Don't overthink things and make it harder than it really is. Yes, change can be hard, but also it could be full of blessings unimaginable!

Remember how you sweated riding the "tall bus" and when you got yourself back home, it really wasn't such a big thing anymore after all?

Don't just hang on; enjoy the trip!
 
It sounds like you are very comfortable where you are. It’s never easy to walk out of our comfort zone towards the unknown. But ask yourself this; if you continued as you are now, if you did what you are doing from now until the day you died, are you sure you would have had the most productive, fulfilling life you could have had?

The move makes you anxious but you know it’s going to be a good thing for Dr. ER and, more to the point, you don’t know that it’s going to be bad for you. Sometimes a little shake-up of our lives helps us to re-evaluate ourselves and grow some more. What would your Mama want you to do?
 
Nick, I've *found* more in the past few years than I have ever in a lifetime of spiritual searching.

Liam, I think Mama would tell me to quit worrying so much -- even though she was the biggest worrywart of of us all! -- and would say the bottom line is to "Trust and Obey":


When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,

What a glory He sheds on our way!

While we do His good will, He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

(Refrain)

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.


Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,

But His smile quickly drives it away;

Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,

Can abide while we trust and obey.

(R)

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,

But our toil He doth richly repay;

Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,

But is blessed if we trust and obey.

(R)

But we never can prove the delights of His love

Until all on the altar we lay;

For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,

Are for them who will trust and obey.

(R)

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.

Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.

What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;

Never fear, only trust and obey.

(R)


Thanks for asking, Liam. Thinking of what she would say led me to the words of that beautiful hymn.
 
Shut up, and do it.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself.
Quit seeking sympathy from us slugs stuck in our mud.
Turn your analysis from should I, to what can I.
Did you liked the feel of that 'well know person' talking with you? You can be part of that.
You can be more than that.
Journalism is the portal to History, go on in.
Quit whinning and get on with it dude!
Do it.
 
Pissing me off might actually help, you gripey old sh-t.

There's that whole money thing, and that's reality.
 
What, are you afraid you'll wind up making $75 to $150 a week or something? That can't happen.
 
Well, if I were to quit the job I have now without having another one in hand, that could very well happen -- I could make even less. Or nothing.
 
I am equally concerned that I'll get a job that I have to be at by 8 a.m., and find myself living an hour's drive away from it -- holy crap. I'm way spoiled. Came draggin' in this morning at about 10 a.m., after my 17-minute drive.
 
OK, first off ... Is the money thing concern about payin' bills in and around the Mile High City or is it a matter of your ego? What I mean by that, friend, is obviously the financial package given to your dear wife is probably substantial, which is another reason Dr. ER is taking a stab at this post.

Yes, housing in that market is outrageous, but aren't there means by which you would be able to make it based on her compensation?

So my question is, are you concerned about making a similar or higher wage than you are now, or is it a matter of needing that to take care of the house payment, food, etc.?

Because I understand the ego thing. I've lived in my own self. At times, I still do. I see friends with equal or less experience making twice what I am, and I get a little jealous.

And I understand the concern about writing monthly checks. I just want to make sure you know your own dilemma.

I express all that because I faithfully believe with your talent, experience and understanding of so many things, you would have no problem finding a job. It may not pay as well as your current gig, but it might actually make you happier in your employment relationship.

It's a time for inner reflection. You already recognize the importantance of this post to your beautiful bride, so do the right thing, even if it means overcoming yourself.
 
"You tell him, Teditor." said the gripy old sh-t!
 
Uno, I am doing the right thing. Just not quietly.

Two, her compensation reflects an increase that is to the percentage point the difference in the cost of living. She did not take the job for more money.

So, it "is a matter of needing that to take care of the house payment, food, etc."

The fact is, I would work for less money to stay in journalism. I do not plan to work outside of journalism for less money, unless I wind up in grad school again and working part-time anyway.

Ego? Maybe. But tied to my calling as a journalist, not to the damn money, not for its own sake.
 
I think my hide is chapped a little. Does anyone think I'd be worrying like this if she, or we, were going to be making a lot of money? OUR HOUSEHOLD INCOME IS LIKELY TO GO DOWN IN REAL DOLLARS, NOT JUST IN RELATIVE TERMS, IN A MARKET WHERE FRICKING HOUSES COST THREE TIMES AS MUCH. Tell me I should cast my cares on the Lord. But bite me if you think I shouldn't have the cares in the first place.
 
Hmph.







:-)
 
Don't forget this is a big stressor for Dr. ER as well. You guys are in this together. Take you time, find your niche. Denver is a town of "turnover". Oportunities pop up every day.
 
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I could get some exercise at the same time!

(BTW, Nick: re, my *apparent8 goofing off on this blog at work: I worked 12 hours over the weekend, at home, on a special project. I am gonna get it back here and there. :-)
 
"Does anyone think I'd be worrying like this if she, or we, were going to be making a lot of money?"

Yes, because I probably would. That's why I asked the questions, my friend.

But you answered the questions, albeit pissed off at me and others.

As for Nick's thing: You can ride the Ski Train to see the mountains and maybe run into my brother, who might be the conductor that day.

You'll be just a couple of hours from Cheyenne Frontier Days Rodeo.

You can make a day trip to visit the ProRodeo Hall of Fame.

(Hey, I'm doin' pretty good, since I can't stand Denver)

You can go see see NFL games 10 times a year, even though the home team is the lowly Denver Donkeys.

You can learn to ski.

You can learn to snowboard.

You can watch others being carted off the mountain by the ski patrol while sipping whisky.

:-)
 
OK, the Cheyenne thing and that very last thing: Now yer talkin'. :-)
 
Pfft. I'm just going to say fie on you for the opportunity to go to such a beautiful place with such an icky attitude.

Oh and this:

I cast all my cares upon You.
I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet.
And any time that I don't know what to do,
I will cast all my cares upon You.


So there. Scared or not, you better be relying on the one who has His eye on the sparrow. And I like that you finally started looking at this like a pioneer adventure.
 
Let's see;
Yep there is a train the runs through the bottom of the Royal Gorge just an hour or so South of Denver. There is a great little train ride at Tiny Town (see my blog). The UP runs the largest working steam engine from Denver to Cheyenne once a year. There is the Colorado Railroad Museum that has live steam ups and rides on their steam locomotives, and their Galloping Geese in Golden Colorado at least 4 times a year. There is good baseball. There is a great Natural History Museum in Denver,with dinosaurs and with an Imax too (lots of special exhibits go there too). The Zoo is awsome and has Klondike and Snow the two famous Polar bears. The Zoo has a little train too. There is a great Candy Factory in Dever that gives free tours. Their History Museum and Society is first rate. They have Amtrak Trains that really go somewhere. Buffalo Bill's Grave is on a mountain above Golden. There a great place that makes bread in Silver Plume just up the road from Denver. There is the very wierd Forney Museum. Maybe you can get lucky and buy one of those houses they built in the middle of a prairie dog town. Let's see, well there is lots of other stuff. Can I come Visit???
 
Dr. Lobo, you should. And take that SOB ER MF on the ski train. I ain't never dunn it, feller, but my brudder, who works for UP, says it's a great ride. Up to the mountains and back. Plenty to see.

Oh, and Doc, I got to tour the UP headquarters last weekend while in Omaha. Amazin' place. Besides my brother working for the company, mi padre is retired from UP. He was jealous, since he's not been to the new building.
 
JTB, you will be welcome anytime.
 
You build it and I will come!
 
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?