Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I cannot say The Lord's Prayer ...
But, OK. I do go to church, I don't hide the fact that I'm a Christian in the RW, although I certainly don't wear it on my sleeve -- and I do post spiritual things here quite a bit, because this is a place for thinking and sharing, as well as ranting and raving.
But, I am 100-percent jerk a whole lot of the time. "It is no longer me, but the jerk that is in me," the Apostle Paul might say. Whatever, Pablo. It comes across as meanness to those around me. Or impatience. Or -- well, pick your sin.
'Cause I am eat up with sin. More than a "sinner saved by grace," though. That sounds defeatist, down in the mouth, apologetic: "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just a sinner saved by grace."
On the other extreme are the types who proclaim for all the world to hear: "I'm a Child of the King!" Most of 'em are just like the jocks and country club kids we knew in school, too. The mayor's kid in a small town. A PK. The principal's daughter. Just about as annoying.
Ol' ER is a gen-yoo-wine Child of God, warts, farts sins and all. Some kind of mystery involved in that. Big time. Figurin' it out, a little bit at a time, is the lifetime sojourn of a Christian.
Jesus loves me. I love Him back. I try to love God, and I try to love my neighbor as I love myself -- not to "gain" God's blessings, which can never be gained, but because of God's blessings, which can never be denied, once acknowledged.
Ah. This didn't start out to be anything other than the following:
Between the time I started putting the prayer below in this post, and now, I answered the buzzer on the clothes dryer and went in there and managed to cuss up a real blue streak and throw clothes and the basket around because today has been a real downer, I have a funeral to go to Saturday now, and I've just been fighting every bit of the world I could get within shouting distance of myself today.
I've been louder than I should around people who didn't deserve it. Heck, the other day, I dropped a full F-bomb on someone at work, in front of several other someones at work -- because of a resentment I'd let fester over the weekend.
What an ass I can be.
NONE of which lessens the fact that I am a Christian -- day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute sometimes. None of which will keep me from posting this, which is directed at myself and every other member of the universal church.
The ol' debble wants me to be too ashamed. Wants me to hide my faith, and God's love for me, under a bushel. But the ol' debble is a pud and can kiss my redneck ass -- since I've been showing it the past several days anyway.
I cannot say Our if my faith has no room for other people and their needs.
I cannot say Father if I do not demonstrate this relationship in my daily living.
I cannot say Who Art in Heaven if all of my interests and pursuits are in earthly, material things.
I cannot say Hallowed Be Thy Name if I, who am called by God, am not holy.
I cannot say Thy Kingdom Come if I am unable to Let Go and Let God.
I cannot say Thy Will Be Done on Earth as it is in Heaven, if I am unwilling to carry out God's will.
I cannot say Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread if I ignore the needs of others.
I cannot say Forgive Us Our Debts As We Forgive Our Debtors if I harbor a grudge against anyone.
I cannot say Lead Us Not Into Temptation if I choose to remain in a situation in which I am likely to be tempted.
I cannot say Deliver Us From Evil if I am unprepared to stand for good.
I cannot say Thine is the Kingdom if I fear what others say and do.
I cannot say Thine is the Power if I do not show the power of God by loving others.
I cannot say Thine is the Glory if I am seeking my own glory.
I cannot say Forever if I am anxious about my own daily affairs.
I cannot say Amen unless I can honestly say: "Cost what it may, this is my prayer."
-- Author Unknown
(A CONVERSATION WITH GOD)
Our Father which art in heaven ..."
"Don't interrupt me. I'm praying."
"But you called me."
"Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. Our Father which art in heaven ..."
"There ... you did it again."
"Called me. You said, Our Father which art in heaven. Here I am. What's on your mind?"
"But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done."
"All right. Go on."
"Hallowed be thy name ..."
"Hold it! What do you mean by that?"
"By 'hallowed be thy name'?"
"It means ... it means ... good grief! I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?"
"It means honored ... holy ... wonderful."
"Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."
"Do you really mean that?"
"Sure, why not?"
"What are you doing about it?"
"Doing? Nothing, I guess! I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there."
"Have I got control of you?"
"Well ... I go to church."
"That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money ... all on yourself. And what about the kind of books you read?"
"Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at the church."
Excuse me. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it ... like you, for example."
"Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others."
"So could I."
"I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to ... you know ... be really free."
"Good ... now we're getting somewhere! We'll work together, you and I. Some victories can truly be won. I'm proud of you."
"Look, Lord, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day, our daily bread."
"You need to cut out the bread. You're overweight as it is."
"Hey, wait a minute! What is this ... 'Criticize me day?' Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups."
"Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed, you know. That's what I'm trying to get across to you. You called me, and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying. I'm interested in the next part of your prayer ... (pause). Well ... go on!"
"I'm scared to."
"Scared? Of what?"
"I know what You'll say."
"Try me and see."
"Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us."
"What about Ann?"
"See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories about my family. She never paid back the debt she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her!"
"But your prayer? What about your prayer?"
"I didn't mean it."
"Well, at least you're honest. But it's not much fun carrying that load of bitterness around inside, is it?
"No, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I got some plans for that neighbor. She'll wish she had never moved into this neighborhood."
"You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. Think of how unhappy you already are. But I can change all that."
"You can? How?"
"Forgive Ann. Then I'll forgive you. Then the hate and sin will be Ann's problem and not yours. You will have settled your heart."
"Oh, you're right. You always are. And more than I want to revenge Ann, I want to be right with you. Ann, I want to be right with you ... (pause) ... (sigh). Alright! Alright! I forgive her! Help her to find the right road in life, Lord. She's bound to be awfully miserable now that I think about it. Anybody who goes around doing the things she does to others has to be out of it. Someway, somehow, show her the right way."
"There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?"
"Hmmmm ... well, not bad. Not bad at all. In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll have to go to bed uptight tonight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm not getting enough rest."
"You're not through with your prayer. Go on."
"Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."
"Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Don't turn on the TV when you know the laundry needs to be done and the house needs to be picked up. Also, about the time you spend having coffee with your friends ... if you can't influence the conversation to positive things, perhaps you should re-think the value of those friendships. Another thing, your neighbors and friends shouldn't be your standard for "keeping up with." And please don't use me for an escape hatch."
"I don't understand the last part."
"Sure you do. You've done it a lot of times. You get caught in a bad situation. You get into trouble and then you come running to me. "Lord, help me out of this mess, and I promise you I'll never do it again." You remember some of those bargains you tried to make with me?"
"Yes and I'm ashamed, Lord. I really am."
"Which bargain are you remembering?"
"Well, there was the night that Bill was gone and the children and I were home alone. The wind was blowing so hard I thought the roof would go any minute and tornado warnings were out. I remember praying, 'Oh God, if you spare us, I'll never skip my devotions again."
"I protected you, but you didn't keep your promise, did you?"
"I'm sorry, Lord. I really am. Up until now I thought that if I just prayed the Lord's Prayer every day, then I could do what I liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like it did."
"Go ahead and finish your prayer."
"For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen."
"Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me happy?"
"No, but I'd like to know. I now want to please you. I can see what a mess I've made of my life. And I can see how great it would be to really be one of your followers."
"You just answered the question."
"Yes. The thing that would bring me glory is to have people like you truly love me. And I see that happening between us. Now that some of these old sins are exposed and out of the way, well, there is no telling what we can do together."
"Lord, let's see what we can make of me, okay?"
"Yes, let's see."
Your a Journalist, get back to work protecting future generations and the world in general, or what ever you do!
See you Saturday.
Trixie, I like that.
Drlobojon, introspection is done for the week. Back to writin' my little stories -- just so, maybe, 50 or 100 years from now or more, someone will read something I wrote and go, "Oh. I see how that began now."
Trixie, Exactly. Great comment!
I will be considering these things today, and acknowledging the truth in them.
To me, you modeled the faith as it should be for all of us Christians by posting your own personal confession followed by a communal confession.
If we can be as honest as you are, we take every real feeling, doubt, episode of anger, bitterness, etc. -- and leave it at the foot of the cross. Then walk away. He always forgives, puts us in right standing with Him, reassures that he loves us no matter what we do.
He knows we'll need to come back again, and He's still there. In fact, He's looking for us, calling out to us....
I'm not sure of your age but if your in 30's the 40's will be better, if in your in your 40's your 50's will be better still. By the time your 60 or 70 you may care but it's not worth the trouble to get mad or have a bad day so hang in there. By the time your 50 you'll start to calm down enough to be more patient and not violate others air space so much. You'll like all people just for their differences, not in spite of them. Hang in there, come Hell or High water the best is yet to come.