Friday, December 09, 2005

 

Plunging and heaving

Necklines and bosoms, that is.

Went to a formal holiday function tonight in the line of duty.

There were at least a half-dozen false pairs in the bunch. I swear, they should just hang signs around their necks with a couple of arrows pointin' 'em out.

First glance, ya think: "Hey!"

Second glance, ya think: "Honey, you shouldn'ta gone and done that."

Third glance, if ya dare: They pretend to blush, or act offended.

And you're caught! Because it takes a triple-take to even mentally process some of 'em, they're ... so ... gauche(?) (I think that is the right word.)

It's as jarring and odd as if I'd stuck a pair of socks in the front of my britches, and pretended I didn't want anybody to notice. What. Ev. Er. It is, of course, a free country.

--ER

Comments:
LOL!!! The thought of you doing a triple take in a room full of surgically altered bazooms makes me laugh. Out loud. Thanks!

At least, I presume, you didn't go up and try to honk the hooters.
 
Let me get this straight, ER.

Did you say that you went to dinner with a bunch of fake, phoney
boobs in the line of duty?

I can relate. There are a few of those where I work, too...

I feel your pain!
 
Ah, don't you just love Christmas ornaments?
 
Poor ER!
 
This, from the guy who once staffed a newspaper's Maximus Bureau with me?
 
Obviously ER is going for an one hudred plus postings with this subject.
As a whitetrash philosopher I have alway considered that any woman that would fake those would fake more important things......like.... well her love for you.
Point of history, when I was a youth fake boobs could be taken off at night.
Point of taste, The meat closet to the bone is the sweetest, but I do like to chew the fat.
 
I'm not sure how many of 'em were fake, but something tells me I got you beat in the plunging and heaving race.

I went to a Renaissance Fair recently.

Corsets and bodices and bustiers, oh my!
 
I'm going to be tending bar at a rich man's house tonight, for his Christmas party.
I get the feeling that I'm going to be seeing a lot of the plungers and heavers on the trophy wives, and worse yet-facelift disasters that leave the ladies looking like mummies; their faces contorting in all manner of directions as they try to order from me.
The whole time, I'm gonna be standing there thinking of this post.
 
Rich's experience tonight will be closer to the Maximus Bureau to which Nick refers! ... One of the first times I, um, staffed the Maximum Bureau one of the, ah, entertainers was celebrating her 18th birthday, and that, I think, was probaboy the average age of the jewelry being worn near the approximately 15 heaving basooms I observced last night.
 
Scantily clad babelet at an entertainment establishment in Amarillo, Texas:

"Hey there! Y'all here for the Farm Show?!?"

ER and cohort:

"Why, yes. Yes, we are."
 
Mounds and furrows..farm show..close enough.
 
Dang it, I meant: "Rich's experience tonight will be closer TO WHAT I OBSERVED LAST NIGHT than to the Maximus Bureau to which Nick refers!"
 
"Is that a moldboard plow in yer britches or are ya glad to see me?" she asked.
 
What did the plow say to the tractor?
 
Put it in a little deeper, John, dear (Deere)!

Hoo hoo. I am crackin' myself up.
 
Yep, he is going for the 100 post even if he has to do it his own self.
 
Larry the Cable guy: "If I had a dollar fer every fake boob I've tongue kissed...well, I wouldn't have any money or nothin'...I'm jes sayin' ...I don't like them fake boobs."
 
For many of y'all are professed Christians, disgusting commentary. Y'all sound like Howard Stern, all consumed by tits and ass. To me a woman's beauty is personal, sacred and holy.
 
Look! A Goat on a high horse.
 
The perfect post on fake boobs. My thoughts exactly. Same thing happened to me recently. I was like, "Damn!" Then, "Oh, those look fake. Pssh." Then, "OMG, boobies! I can't stop staring!" Then I start thinking about football and return to normal.
 
Thanks, Hack! What a hoot(er).

Oops! I prolly just offended Goat's delicate sensibilities!

A woman's beauty IS, indeed, personal, sacred and holy. But we're talking about WOMEN, and vain ones at that. More along the lines of the "strange women" we're warned to avoid in Proverbs.
 
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