Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Bush gambles big
*** CAPTION CONTEST! KEEP IT CLEAN! ***
President Bush courageously did the honorable thing today by pardoning the Thanksgiving turkey, thereby once again alienating his hard-right base, who were calling for his head.
:-)
--ER
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LOL.
No, that's the guy he'll appoint as veep when Cheney resigns "for health reasons." He looks to be a perfect fit for the administration. :-)
No, that's the guy he'll appoint as veep when Cheney resigns "for health reasons." He looks to be a perfect fit for the administration. :-)
Mark has blogged about a situation involving a family member that would make anyone a little edgy.
And I, too (said in the spirit of that wonderul scene in "In and Out"), am an asshole.
And I, too (said in the spirit of that wonderul scene in "In and Out"), am an asshole.
LOLOL!
Takes one to know one! Nyaah, nyaah, nyah nyah, nyaah!
(While we are polar opposites on many things, I do consider Mark a bloggy buddy.)
Takes one to know one! Nyaah, nyaah, nyah nyah, nyaah!
(While we are polar opposites on many things, I do consider Mark a bloggy buddy.)
Oh. My.
This is so funny it made me hurt I laughed so hard.
If you can't take barbed criticism of the president and, well the whole dang Republican-industrial-complex, just don't go here.
'Cause it's funny, and to those of us honestly oppose the man and his minions, it's sad and haunting.
And I ain't gonna take no crap about how it's "wrong" to criticize el presidente.
The rest of y'all, click on, and crank it up.
http://filmstripinternational.com/
This is so funny it made me hurt I laughed so hard.
If you can't take barbed criticism of the president and, well the whole dang Republican-industrial-complex, just don't go here.
'Cause it's funny, and to those of us honestly oppose the man and his minions, it's sad and haunting.
And I ain't gonna take no crap about how it's "wrong" to criticize el presidente.
The rest of y'all, click on, and crank it up.
http://filmstripinternational.com/
GWB practices his pardoning skills in anticipation of all the other turkeys he'll let off the hook in 2008.
Bush: Boss, little fat buddy, what're you doin' for Thanksgivin'?
(Refer to post made likening Bush to Roscoe P. Coltrane.)
(Refer to post made likening Bush to Roscoe P. Coltrane.)
Bush: "I still believe that Ms. Miers here would have made an excellent Justice for the Supreme Court...
Bush: "While Congressman Murtha here is a fine, upstanding man, we disagree on the exit strategy for the War in Iraq..."
Tug, for cleverness, mirth and general funniness -- all serious politics aside -- you are in the lead to collect not 1, not 2, but THREE coveted Redneck Points.
(Is anyone keeping a runnin' total? I imagine anyone with way more time on their hands than sense could Google "erudite redneck" and "redneck point" and "redneck points" and come up with one.)
But you lead Bitch by just just a hair -- the kind that would be scalded off in preparation for the cookin' of a Bush goose -- I mean, this here Thanksgiving turkey.
:-)
(Is anyone keeping a runnin' total? I imagine anyone with way more time on their hands than sense could Google "erudite redneck" and "redneck point" and "redneck points" and come up with one.)
But you lead Bitch by just just a hair -- the kind that would be scalded off in preparation for the cookin' of a Bush goose -- I mean, this here Thanksgiving turkey.
:-)
Bush: "B, I usually love eating your chicken, but I believe you should have cooked this one just a little longer...'
Bush: "This is a domesticated turkey. I said I wanted some "Wild Turkey". Big difference..."
(Thinly veiled Bush Alcoholism reference...)
(Thinly veiled Bush Alcoholism reference...)
Nope! You are smokin' the competition!
B, or B, where are you gal? Somebody go get her. It might amuse her regular readers.
(I mean, I'm one of her regular readers, but I'm on the far right of 'em -- and I know some of y'all find that hasd to believe ..)
There is a porkcop in the icebox with my name on it ...
:-)
B, or B, where are you gal? Somebody go get her. It might amuse her regular readers.
(I mean, I'm one of her regular readers, but I'm on the far right of 'em -- and I know some of y'all find that hasd to believe ..)
There is a porkcop in the icebox with my name on it ...
:-)
I was eating dinner. And watching a movie with PK. I HAVE A LIFE, you know.
Ok, more captions:
Why does this turkey hate America?
In keeping with constitutional originalism, I hereby declare the turkey the national bird of the United States of America.
One dickhead pardons another.
Runner-up George W. Bush congratulates the winner of the White House Academic Decatholon.
Ok, more captions:
Why does this turkey hate America?
In keeping with constitutional originalism, I hereby declare the turkey the national bird of the United States of America.
One dickhead pardons another.
Runner-up George W. Bush congratulates the winner of the White House Academic Decatholon.
We're all adults here, B.
We'll let you by with it...
(If it's alright with ER...He is the Moderator...)
We'll let you by with it...
(If it's alright with ER...He is the Moderator...)
ER, what's a "Porkcop?"
A policeman for pigs?
Why do you have one labeled "Erudite Redneck" in your icebox?
Isn't that illegal?
A policeman for pigs?
Why do you have one labeled "Erudite Redneck" in your icebox?
Isn't that illegal?
Bush is forced to admit that the turkey is both more erudite and more genuinely a redneck than he is.
Porkcop? Is that something you wear around your neck to get Ice T to play with you?
Caption:
"Wait a minute... did someone see where I left Laura?"
Caption:
"Wait a minute... did someone see where I left Laura?"
Bush: "The President of Turkey and I are both pleased to announce a new spirit of cooperation between our two countries...What? This isn't the president of Turkey??"
"The Turkey's neck seems to be more of a dark pink..."
That's kind of my point.
And with that, I'm off to bed.
That's kind of my point.
And with that, I'm off to bed.
It's close.
B's few instances of stinging, brilliant wit has drawn her to a tie with Tug's high volume of less-stinging but generally excellent wit.
If B has retired, I'd say Tug will pull away if he's still in the race ... the quote from the Turkey his self was egg-squisite!
Which is not to say that someone like Carl Edwards won't come the hell out of nowhwere and win the dang points race. (Who IS that guy, anyway?)
(This is three days I've been eatin' a mess of "porkcops" I grilled over the wekend, BTW. Makin' room for the Cornish game hens I will be smokin' on the same -- Weber Kettle(r) -- grill for the Thanksgivin' repast ...)
B's few instances of stinging, brilliant wit has drawn her to a tie with Tug's high volume of less-stinging but generally excellent wit.
If B has retired, I'd say Tug will pull away if he's still in the race ... the quote from the Turkey his self was egg-squisite!
Which is not to say that someone like Carl Edwards won't come the hell out of nowhwere and win the dang points race. (Who IS that guy, anyway?)
(This is three days I've been eatin' a mess of "porkcops" I grilled over the wekend, BTW. Makin' room for the Cornish game hens I will be smokin' on the same -- Weber Kettle(r) -- grill for the Thanksgivin' repast ...)
drlobojo was out having his first of five Thanksgiving dinners for this season.
You guys could really use some finesse in your cut-lines such as:
Birds of a feather......
or:
Our national bird brain with a turkey...
or:
Can you pardon a turkey for shiting on a bush?
Or:
I was just inviting him for dinner...
You guys could really use some finesse in your cut-lines such as:
Birds of a feather......
or:
Our national bird brain with a turkey...
or:
Can you pardon a turkey for shiting on a bush?
Or:
I was just inviting him for dinner...
# posted by 
: 9:48 PM
: 9:48 PM
By the way a little know fact about the "presidentialy pardoned" turkeys form the past. These turkeys are so fat and bred to get fatter that they have a very short life span. Therefore few if any of the pardon turkeys actually live longer than a few months after Thanksgiving anyway. They die from thier obeasity.
# posted by : 9:52 PM
: 9:52 PM
Re, "These turkeys are so fat and bred to get fatter that they have a very short life span."
Well, then this tom would be a representative sample of the modern agribusiness-industrial-complex, which is most fowl.
Hell, the breasts on a modern chicken are bigger'n than a traditional farm-raised broiler, aren't they?
Uh oh, I have done took the thread back into the direction of breasts.
I let "dickhead" through, since it was meant in a nonsexual sense. So, I reckon breasts in an agribusiness sort of Archer Daniels Midland sense are OK.
And now, I am off to bed.
Yea and verily, I will pass judgment on the captions anon.
Well, then this tom would be a representative sample of the modern agribusiness-industrial-complex, which is most fowl.
Hell, the breasts on a modern chicken are bigger'n than a traditional farm-raised broiler, aren't they?
Uh oh, I have done took the thread back into the direction of breasts.
I let "dickhead" through, since it was meant in a nonsexual sense. So, I reckon breasts in an agribusiness sort of Archer Daniels Midland sense are OK.
And now, I am off to bed.
Yea and verily, I will pass judgment on the captions anon.
Doin' my best here, ER.
In all my time on the Blogosphere, I have yet to earn even one single coveted Redneck point...
Not that I want them if they are not earned...
You are the judge, and B was extremely competitive...
I like her. If I lose to her, I will not be too disappointed.
In all my time on the Blogosphere, I have yet to earn even one single coveted Redneck point...
Not that I want them if they are not earned...
You are the judge, and B was extremely competitive...
I like her. If I lose to her, I will not be too disappointed.
And you gotta give me credit for putting partisanship aside for the sake of humor here...
I had as many or more Republican Turkeys as Dems...
I had as many or more Republican Turkeys as Dems...
"I would like to introduce to the Press, the White House's new pet Eagle!"
Smiling the President said, "I used to hunt birds exactly like this one on my ranch in Texas."
Bush turning to an aid, "Do they bleach turkeys to get them this white? Is this an all white meat turkey?"
The Turkey Industry was mortified when Bush looked at the Turkey and said, "I'm a steak and potatoes man myself."
Just after this picture was taken, a blimp flew over the White House causing the turkey to panic. It flew into Maureen Doud's face as she sat in the front row. Although some say the President threw it in her direction.
Just after the photo op the President surprised the group of reporters by putting a condom over the birds head and quiped, "Now he's ready for safe sex."
Smiling the President said, "I used to hunt birds exactly like this one on my ranch in Texas."
Bush turning to an aid, "Do they bleach turkeys to get them this white? Is this an all white meat turkey?"
The Turkey Industry was mortified when Bush looked at the Turkey and said, "I'm a steak and potatoes man myself."
Just after this picture was taken, a blimp flew over the White House causing the turkey to panic. It flew into Maureen Doud's face as she sat in the front row. Although some say the President threw it in her direction.
Just after the photo op the President surprised the group of reporters by putting a condom over the birds head and quiped, "Now he's ready for safe sex."
# posted by : 7:11 AM
: 7:11 AM
Boy, this might take some timeses and gasentas.
In the meantine, here's an update. The following each have earned 1 coveted RedneckPoint:
Kris, on July 7, for knowing that Sudan was both a country and a kindof hay.
Trixie, on July 13, for knowing that "Feed mayonnaise to tunafish!" came from the movie "Night Shift" with Michael Keaton. (And Fonzi).
Frenzied Feline, on Sept. 13, for knowing, because she remembered when I mentioned it last year, that to Mama ER, a "tater wagon" is thunder. (As in thunder sounds like a wagon of taters bein' pulled.)
In the meantine, here's an update. The following each have earned 1 coveted RedneckPoint:
Kris, on July 7, for knowing that Sudan was both a country and a kindof hay.
Trixie, on July 13, for knowing that "Feed mayonnaise to tunafish!" came from the movie "Night Shift" with Michael Keaton. (And Fonzi).
Frenzied Feline, on Sept. 13, for knowing, because she remembered when I mentioned it last year, that to Mama ER, a "tater wagon" is thunder. (As in thunder sounds like a wagon of taters bein' pulled.)
ER, was the "cock" reference yours?
Male turkeys are Toms. Young male turkeys are Jakes. Any turkey killer knows that. You must forfit the "R" for at least 72 hours for that mistake.
Male turkeys are Toms. Young male turkeys are Jakes. Any turkey killer knows that. You must forfit the "R" for at least 72 hours for that mistake.
# posted by : 7:16 AM
: 7:16 AM
Uh, no. I was imputing the error to the president, as wll as playing off the cock-comb thresd from a few days ago. Sheesh.
How can you play off the cock comb thread when a turkey is not a cock and has no comb? I stand by demand.
# posted by : 7:20 AM
: 7:20 AM
Forget it if you want to make bad jokes and violate your own rules, this is you blog, so be it.
# posted by : 7:24 AM
: 7:24 AM
drlobojo,
If you wanna be particular, then, yes, an adult cock is a tom and a juvenile cock is a jake. As with any bird, males are cocks, females are hens.
How's that for getting cocky with your statement.
If you wanna be particular, then, yes, an adult cock is a tom and a juvenile cock is a jake. As with any bird, males are cocks, females are hens.
How's that for getting cocky with your statement.
Tug,
Sorry I didn't chime in more than the two I did, but my honey and I had an evening to ourselves. So we watched a movie and snuggled.
I figured I could come back today. Only problem is, I'll have to scour the list to make sure I'm not redundant on my own captions. BTW, nobody else sees the similarity between Bush and Roscoe?
Gimme some time. Where the hell was this during the day yesterday, ER, when I actually had time to write cutlines? Sheesh!
Sorry I didn't chime in more than the two I did, but my honey and I had an evening to ourselves. So we watched a movie and snuggled.
I figured I could come back today. Only problem is, I'll have to scour the list to make sure I'm not redundant on my own captions. BTW, nobody else sees the similarity between Bush and Roscoe?
Gimme some time. Where the hell was this during the day yesterday, ER, when I actually had time to write cutlines? Sheesh!
Teditor, as in Cock Robin?
Pea cock?
You are of course correct.
I stand corrected. I shall drop the "dr" for 72 hours for my shame.
Pea cock?
You are of course correct.
I stand corrected. I shall drop the "dr" for 72 hours for my shame.
# posted by : 8:52 AM
: 8:52 AM
Turkey, as an aside to the audience:
"Watch this, folks... I can make him talk without moving my lips."
"Watch this, folks... I can make him talk without moving my lips."
Turkey to himself, " I guess I can put up with him touching me there if it means I get that trip to disenyland."
# posted by : 9:00 AM
: 9:00 AM
"Tom, I haven't seen you since college. Do you remember the night we got drunk and tried to pick up chicks?"
Then the President said," I hereby grant this turkey a Presidential Pardon from this day forward to Christmas eve."
# posted by : 9:11 AM
: 9:11 AM
Man! Y'all are good! ...
Tug wins 2 coveted Redneck Points for bipartisanship and sheer volume.
Bitch and Nick get a half-point each.
(Dr)lobojo gets ornery mention.
Carry on! I might can scare up some more Coveted Redneck Points(r).
Tug wins 2 coveted Redneck Points for bipartisanship and sheer volume.
Bitch and Nick get a half-point each.
(Dr)lobojo gets ornery mention.
Carry on! I might can scare up some more Coveted Redneck Points(r).
Onery mention! Engorged snood alone should be worth half a point.
Your just snippy cause I knocked you on cock.
Well can't play no more. got to get in the car and go to Nebraskaland to spend some of t-giving with my daughter child.
Have fun.
Your just snippy cause I knocked you on cock.
Well can't play no more. got to get in the car and go to Nebraskaland to spend some of t-giving with my daughter child.
Have fun.
# posted by : 11:08 AM
: 11:08 AM
OK, ER, I'm officially offended. You can kiss my ass, just trim the 'stache first.
You're divying up half points for redneckness, and I get crap? So I spent the evening with the woman I love and didn't post all evening. Should I be punished for that.
Here are my arguments for redneckism: I referred to Roscoe P. Coltrane. I enlightened the former Dr. Lobojo about the trueness of cocks. I even had a couple of decent cutlines. Not great, I'll admit. I got my butt kicked in that category.
But no stinkin' redneck points. I might just have to take my carrots and go home.
You're divying up half points for redneckness, and I get crap? So I spent the evening with the woman I love and didn't post all evening. Should I be punished for that.
Here are my arguments for redneckism: I referred to Roscoe P. Coltrane. I enlightened the former Dr. Lobojo about the trueness of cocks. I even had a couple of decent cutlines. Not great, I'll admit. I got my butt kicked in that category.
But no stinkin' redneck points. I might just have to take my carrots and go home.
Nick, no offense, buddy, but I never said I needed redneck points more than you.
I just deserve 'em more. :-)
C'mon, that's laugh-out-loud silly.
I just deserve 'em more. :-)
C'mon, that's laugh-out-loud silly.
Cable media commentary:
Media person: Of course we all know it is the custom every year to pardon the turkey. Do you have any comments Mr. Jackson? Jessie: I was wondering wondering though would it have been that easy for President Bush to pardon the turkey if it wasn't white?
Media person: Of course we all know it is the custom every year to pardon the turkey. Do you have any comments Mr. Jackson? Jessie: I was wondering wondering though would it have been that easy for President Bush to pardon the turkey if it wasn't white?
WashPo commuter edition wins:
"No roasting 'Marshmallow' "
That white turkey's name is Marshmallow. Which is a publicity stunt. How can you even think of killing a bird with a name? Not like taking out and shooting a horse with NO name....
"No roasting 'Marshmallow' "
That white turkey's name is Marshmallow. Which is a publicity stunt. How can you even think of killing a bird with a name? Not like taking out and shooting a horse with NO name....
# posted by : 1:03 PM
: 1:03 PM
But farm kids raise FFA and 4-H project animals all the time, knowing they will go to market, and to somebody's plate.
Good hed, though!
Kris: Long time no blog!
Good hed, though!
Kris: Long time no blog!
We have to get the MAIN turkey out of the White House. Unemployment is at an all time high, interest rates are out of sight, Flies in the streets, Roaming dogs in heat, Rabid foaming, A beast caged in the heart of the city, The body of his mother rotting in the summer ground, He fled the town, Went down south, Crossed the border, Left the chaos and disorder, Back there, over his shoulder. One morning he awoke in a green hotel, With a strange creature groaning beside him, Sweat oozed from its slimy skin, Is everybody in, The ceremony is about to ………,oh, sorry……I got carried away.
# posted by : 1:52 PM
: 1:52 PM
Anon: You're out of line. Tone, sir or madam, tone. This is supposed to be fun.
Now, damnit, let's get back to the fun.
ER, where are my damn redneck points?
Turkey: "Hmmm, tastes like chicken."
Now, damnit, let's get back to the fun.
ER, where are my damn redneck points?
Turkey: "Hmmm, tastes like chicken."
I thought surely I would get at least a .025 point for the Jessie deal or .5 for the jumper cables.
Gotta go happy thanksgiving to all.
Gotta go happy thanksgiving to all.
(Actually, I found Anonymous' stream of consciousness rather entertaining. Kind of like a parody of "It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out." Such a random collection of great descriptive phrases! Half a Trixie Point(c)* for that!)
*In the International Point Exchange, Trixie Points(c) are worth three Coveted Redneck Points.(r) Therefore, half a Trixie Point(c) is still worth more than a whole Coveted Redneck Point(r).
Actually the full name of E.R.'s point system is "Coveted Redneck Allows Points," AKA "C.R.A.P."
*In the International Point Exchange, Trixie Points(c) are worth three Coveted Redneck Points.(r) Therefore, half a Trixie Point(c) is still worth more than a whole Coveted Redneck Point(r).
Actually the full name of E.R.'s point system is "Coveted Redneck Allows Points," AKA "C.R.A.P."
Thank you so very much for the coveted Redneck Points!
I will guard them carefully, and I vow to always use them for good and not EEE-VILL...
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I will guard them carefully, and I vow to always use them for good and not EEE-VILL...
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