Friday, October 07, 2005
'Naditude adjustment
By The Erudite Redneck
Pssst. Ice-T doesn't know it, but his Big Boy days are numbered. Monday morning, he will be worked like a calf.
'Nads off! Declawed! Shots! $200!
('Nads? Quoth Butthead: "Kick him in the 'nads, Beavis!")
Ice-T will be relieved of the catboy parts of which he is so proud. I swear he prances around displaying them like fuzzy dice on a rearview mirror. If the mirror was on the back of a car. Under the bumper. And were testes. Never mind.
He has morphed from cute kitty into Baddest Attack Cat in the Known Universe. Of course, Dr. ER noticed the Descending of the 'Nads before I did. She would, being a she. I don't think I noticed they had descended because I hadn't noticed they had NOT descended.
You didn't get that close to the cats we had when I was growing up. They were as wild as the rats they were meant to keep in check in the hay barn.
The dogs were just country dogs that you rassled around in the yard with but didn't get too chummy with. Vagabonds, all. They hung around as long as they wanted to, but sometimes would be gone for days, or longer at a time. Rakes. Ramblers. With all their parts.
And the cattle were cattle. Steers are made, not born -- and you put no more thought into workin' them than you do clippin' your toenails.
But Ice-T is my buddy. My pal. Knowin' his little 'nads are on the choppin' block, knowin' how PROUD he is of 'em -- I feel his pain.
In other words, I have already thought more about Ice-T 'nads than I have ever thought about any other 'nads before -- excepting, of course, my own and numerous plates of calf fries sliced thin, fried to a crispy crunch, sprinkled liberally with salt and doused in a little ketchup.
They tell me that de-'nadding him will calm Ice-T way down. Havin' never had a feline for a pet before, I don't know what to expect.
I mean, he won't just become a bump on a log, will he? I kind of like the way he flies around the house and sneaks around and hides and pounces. A 'nadectomy isn't like a cat lobotomy or anything, is it?
Pssst. Ice-T doesn't know it, but his Big Boy days are numbered. Monday morning, he will be worked like a calf.
'Nads off! Declawed! Shots! $200!
('Nads? Quoth Butthead: "Kick him in the 'nads, Beavis!")
Ice-T will be relieved of the catboy parts of which he is so proud. I swear he prances around displaying them like fuzzy dice on a rearview mirror. If the mirror was on the back of a car. Under the bumper. And were testes. Never mind.
He has morphed from cute kitty into Baddest Attack Cat in the Known Universe. Of course, Dr. ER noticed the Descending of the 'Nads before I did. She would, being a she. I don't think I noticed they had descended because I hadn't noticed they had NOT descended.
You didn't get that close to the cats we had when I was growing up. They were as wild as the rats they were meant to keep in check in the hay barn.
The dogs were just country dogs that you rassled around in the yard with but didn't get too chummy with. Vagabonds, all. They hung around as long as they wanted to, but sometimes would be gone for days, or longer at a time. Rakes. Ramblers. With all their parts.
And the cattle were cattle. Steers are made, not born -- and you put no more thought into workin' them than you do clippin' your toenails.
But Ice-T is my buddy. My pal. Knowin' his little 'nads are on the choppin' block, knowin' how PROUD he is of 'em -- I feel his pain.
In other words, I have already thought more about Ice-T 'nads than I have ever thought about any other 'nads before -- excepting, of course, my own and numerous plates of calf fries sliced thin, fried to a crispy crunch, sprinkled liberally with salt and doused in a little ketchup.
They tell me that de-'nadding him will calm Ice-T way down. Havin' never had a feline for a pet before, I don't know what to expect.
I mean, he won't just become a bump on a log, will he? I kind of like the way he flies around the house and sneaks around and hides and pounces. A 'nadectomy isn't like a cat lobotomy or anything, is it?
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ER,
Neutering the ol' boy is the right thing to do. I doubt you'll notice much change in his behavior. I think that's just an old wives' tale.
But why declaw? Especially since he's got dawgs (sort of) to wrassle around with. It'd be a shame if Ice-T got outside one day and couldn't fight back or climb a tree to get away from an assailant.
Neutering the ol' boy is the right thing to do. I doubt you'll notice much change in his behavior. I think that's just an old wives' tale.
But why declaw? Especially since he's got dawgs (sort of) to wrassle around with. It'd be a shame if Ice-T got outside one day and couldn't fight back or climb a tree to get away from an assailant.
Hey ER,
I have a cute black cat named
Oliver Wendell Douglas(yes
from green acres). He as a
walk that crackes me up. He
is well indowed with nads.
He has a sorta John Wayne
swagger. It is so obvious
that my sister and brother
in law. Questioned if there
was something wrong with him.
Good luck with Iced T. I agree
with rem870..It is bad on the
furniture, but he will have
no defence.
I have a cute black cat named
Oliver Wendell Douglas(yes
from green acres). He as a
walk that crackes me up. He
is well indowed with nads.
He has a sorta John Wayne
swagger. It is so obvious
that my sister and brother
in law. Questioned if there
was something wrong with him.
Good luck with Iced T. I agree
with rem870..It is bad on the
furniture, but he will have
no defence.
I'll have to post a pic (and story) of my fav black kitty, Charcoal. If he needed nads to be an attack kitty, he must have figured out a way around it. I'm sure there is a scar or two on my ankles courtesy of him. :)
# posted by 
: 11:26 AM
: 11:26 AM
Dr. ER's arms and legs look like she got caught in a hay baler. Furniture is expensive. Claws gotta go! Unless there's another option. Do they make kitty boxing gloves or something?
--ER
--ER
Get a scrathcing post. To keep the cat from shredding furniture, get a rolled up newspaper. Swat him a couple of times (when engaged in the act) and give a stern "No!" After that, you can usually just hit the arm of a chair (or something) with the paper - the sound will be all that is needed. Another method is the squirt gun approach - when he's misbehavin', give him a good squirt. It won't take long before he gets the idea.
Dr. ER's arms are another story. The only cure I know of for that (aside from declawing) is time (or long sleeves).
Dr. ER's arms are another story. The only cure I know of for that (aside from declawing) is time (or long sleeves).
Please don't declaw the critter -- wait and see if he doesn't settle down after the de-nading instead. Try some of those nail caps -- like fake fingernail covers. Or a scratching post and behavior modification. You'll have to forever leave your buddy in the house if you chop off his claws, and it's not like a manicure -- declawing is like having your fingers amputated at the second joint. Cruel and painful, subject to infections. Do you want him to go through that AND lose his nads??
ER,
Do Not Declaw your cat!! That is exactly the same as pulling out your finger nails, or even worse.
Get the feline a scratching post of cedar so that it wears the claws down. The gonad removal will cut down on his agression, unless of course he is psychotic. Sometimes cats do absorb the psychology of their surroundings.
Declawing is cruel. There ain't no other way to say it. He will forgive you the balls, but not the claws.
If Dr. ER insist on declawing, then think about not haveing a cat. Give him away to a claw friendly family.
Do Not Declaw your cat!! That is exactly the same as pulling out your finger nails, or even worse.
Get the feline a scratching post of cedar so that it wears the claws down. The gonad removal will cut down on his agression, unless of course he is psychotic. Sometimes cats do absorb the psychology of their surroundings.
Declawing is cruel. There ain't no other way to say it. He will forgive you the balls, but not the claws.
If Dr. ER insist on declawing, then think about not haveing a cat. Give him away to a claw friendly family.
# posted by : 12:15 PM
: 12:15 PM
Hey, I just caught that! Whast d'you mean dawgs "sort of"???
Don't make me sic the weenie dog on you, Rem! And the corgi will herd you out in the road!
--ER
Don't make me sic the weenie dog on you, Rem! And the corgi will herd you out in the road!
--ER
rem870 is on the money here.
Even with Dawgs (sort off) you would be making a dog "chewey" out of him if he was declawed. Not to mention a subservient slave to every other cat in the area.
Even with Dawgs (sort off) you would be making a dog "chewey" out of him if he was declawed. Not to mention a subservient slave to every other cat in the area.
# posted by : 1:01 PM
: 1:01 PM
Do y'all remember Mao, the cat that adoped us before Ice-T came along? He was declawed and was an outdoors cat. Maybe we live in a real whitebread-cat neighborhood. ... Mao was older, though. Ice-T is way frisky and looking for trouble ...
--ER
--ER
If you're worried about your beloved's arms and legs, get a cat toy or play with him with a nail file, instead of hands or fingers. The cat toys that look like fishing poles with feathers on the end are great for getting the friskies out. I have the misfortune of having a cat that loves water. Runs to the bathroom and sticks his head under the facet _ so the squirt gun trick didn't work. But add a little bit of vinegar to the solution and it's a kitty repellant. Another trick I've heard of is that canned air that you use to clean computer keyboards. The sound and the blast of air will surely get Ice'T's attention. I agree with the others, leave the claws. You are already making him live counter to what nature intended for him by keeping him in the house. Neutering is good...otherwise he may take to marking his territory. But leave the claws...that way he can do what he was intended to do...keep the mice from taking over the ER house.
# posted by : 1:33 PM
: 1:33 PM
No, ER, he'll be fine. When Cowardly Kitty had this done, there was one stitch on each nad, and those dissolved themselves, so he was just fine. Of course, Cowardly Kitty never figured out what said nads were there for, so he's not missing anything. I hope Ice-T is not frisky because if he is, you might have some adjusting after the fact.
I clip our cats' front claws, to save myself from numerous puncture marks. I find it to be a pretty good compromise.
ER, gotta go with the crowd here. Take the balls, leave the claws. After all, he has to have something to do. (Not to bring down the mood, but that was a great posting for your buddy).
# posted by : 2:58 PM
: 2:58 PM
I never thought about clipping them. But isn't it like trying to pet a porcupine???
And, Anon, thanks.
--ER
And, Anon, thanks.
--ER
No way you can declaw your cat. That is worse than taking away his balls! Yeah, take away his manhood because you don't want him off populating the neighborhood cat women who will no doubt line up for a taste of his manhood once they heard of his swollen ego (women flock to confident men afterall, especially in that department). But you can't send him out into the world without balls or claws, you will totally wussify him! All the other male cats will just laugh at him and his pathetic nature. The cat's name is Ice-T, you can't make him a wuss!
# posted by : 4:48 PM
: 4:48 PM
Another "don't declaw" voice here. First of all, if the cat goes or gets outside, without claws he has no defense. Second, cats that are declawed, lacking that first line of defense, sometimes turn into biters. Third, because as others have pointed out, it's major surgery: removing the bone down to the first knuckle, basically. Yukko.
Plus, he might stop being so aggressive after he's neutered. Which hopefully won't turn him into a bump on a log--pull some string for him, or something, to keep him active it he starts turning into a cat couch potato.
FWIW, all the cats I've ever had have been neutered, and none of them were ever couch potatoes. Personally, I think going outside keeps cats really active, especially if they're hunters (though the safety of that depends where you live, obviously). But if they're indoor cats, play with 'em.
And get a scratching post, put some catnip in it, and spend a few months clapping your hands loudly at him or squirting him with water whenever he claws something you don't want him to claw. You can also buy sprays that smell unpleasant to cats, to put on the furniture while you're training 'em.
Plus, he might stop being so aggressive after he's neutered. Which hopefully won't turn him into a bump on a log--pull some string for him, or something, to keep him active it he starts turning into a cat couch potato.
FWIW, all the cats I've ever had have been neutered, and none of them were ever couch potatoes. Personally, I think going outside keeps cats really active, especially if they're hunters (though the safety of that depends where you live, obviously). But if they're indoor cats, play with 'em.
And get a scratching post, put some catnip in it, and spend a few months clapping your hands loudly at him or squirting him with water whenever he claws something you don't want him to claw. You can also buy sprays that smell unpleasant to cats, to put on the furniture while you're training 'em.
Oh, and re your question about boxing gloves:
In fact, yes they do make kitty boxing gloves. http://www.softpaws.com/
Again, though, wearing these will keep the cat from being able to defend itself. But if he stays inside it will protect your furniture w/out requiring surgery.
In fact, yes they do make kitty boxing gloves. http://www.softpaws.com/
Again, though, wearing these will keep the cat from being able to defend itself. But if he stays inside it will protect your furniture w/out requiring surgery.
And *finally*, re the question on clipping claws: depending on the cat of course--if he is really aggressive, he might scratch you for handling him--it's really not hard at all. If you tickle a kitty's paws, he'll extend the nails. Then you just use a regular ol' nail clipper. Don't cut into the pink part, obviously--just the tips. Works fine.
Oh cool!! The Softpaws come in colors! E.R. and Ice-T can have matching manicures! They even have BLUE! And multi-colors!!
Cats aren't that much trouble! >:(
If you decide to try clipping his nails, look in the pet store for a powder substance that you dip the nail in if you happen to clip too close to the "pink part" and it bleeds--stops the bleeding. Of course, if you clip too closely, Ice-T will probably make sure you need some of that powder yourself! ;)
If you decide to try clipping his nails, look in the pet store for a powder substance that you dip the nail in if you happen to clip too close to the "pink part" and it bleeds--stops the bleeding. Of course, if you clip too closely, Ice-T will probably make sure you need some of that powder yourself! ;)
# posted by : 6:24 PM
: 6:24 PM
It's rreally not the furniture as much as it is Dr. ER's arms and legs. Ice-T gets her all the time. And she, beinbg a very white white girl, shows scratches over the slightest, um, clawing.
--ER
--ER
Ah Ha! The cat is not the problem. The funiture is not the problem. You say the problem is Dr. ER.
Let's see what can be done here?
She can wear long pants, long sleaves, and gloves, and then you can shoot her with a water gun any time she comes too close to the cat. No, that may be a bit too drastic. Let's see; how about when she's in the house the cat is out and when the cat's in the house she is out? Nope, under common law she could put both you and the cat out. OK, OK, how about she carries a water gun with ammonia/water in it and everytime she see's the cat she shoots it. That way the cat will completely avoid her. Problem solved. Whoops, she would have to promise not to shoot you with it however. Can she be trusted?
Let's see what can be done here?
She can wear long pants, long sleaves, and gloves, and then you can shoot her with a water gun any time she comes too close to the cat. No, that may be a bit too drastic. Let's see; how about when she's in the house the cat is out and when the cat's in the house she is out? Nope, under common law she could put both you and the cat out. OK, OK, how about she carries a water gun with ammonia/water in it and everytime she see's the cat she shoots it. That way the cat will completely avoid her. Problem solved. Whoops, she would have to promise not to shoot you with it however. Can she be trusted?
# posted by : 8:46 PM
: 8:46 PM
Just a comment on something you said.
"Knowin' his little 'nads are on the choppin' block, knowin' how PROUD he is of 'em -- I feel his pain."
No. You. Don't. Believe me.
My father had his testicles removed to stop the advance of prostate cancer. (or was it colon cancer? I don't remember.)
I first told him I thought his voice would be higher.
Then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I guess it's better than dying."
I said, I dunno, Dad, I think I'd rather be dead."
"Knowin' his little 'nads are on the choppin' block, knowin' how PROUD he is of 'em -- I feel his pain."
No. You. Don't. Believe me.
My father had his testicles removed to stop the advance of prostate cancer. (or was it colon cancer? I don't remember.)
I first told him I thought his voice would be higher.
Then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I guess it's better than dying."
I said, I dunno, Dad, I think I'd rather be dead."
I know several young men (20s and 30s) from my church who have had testicular cancer requiring surgery and heavy doses of chemo. They figured it was better to fight to stay alive to raise their kids. Now THAT is a struggle. Lil' Ice T won't even notice it in a month -- if he has any memories of it, he might well think they were some sort of parasite.
Dr. ER is in Phoenix. We had a good ol' shoutin' match over Ice T's fingernails. Not resolved! SIGH.
--ER
--ER
At least *try* and see if neutering him will take care of the scratching...
and while you're waiting, read this. It'll make you feel much better about how easy your cat is :)
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and while you're waiting, read this. It'll make you feel much better about how easy your cat is :)
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