Friday, October 14, 2005
Dream Machine shop
To y'all and all: Here are my own considered self-interpretations of my own crazy dreams (previous post):
Dream 1:
Most of my adult life, I have found myself straddling lines. Conservative culturally, liberal politically. Little bit country, little bit rock'n'roll. Baptist in fundamental theology and church polity, mainline-liberal on how that should be applied in the world. Activist at heart, stuck, with the rest of the working press, in a detached mode, striving daily, in my work-work, for the elusive objectivity.
The fundamental dichotomy in my life is expressed in the name of this blog: erudite redneck. Sometimes it goes more one way than the other, but there are always elements of both.
It seems to others sometimes that one side, or the other, is a put-on. Both are part of me, but I am sometimes painfully conscious of the appearances that naturally result from such contradictions, which could be the underlying angst over imposture that Dr. B pointed out.
The lines I'm straddling right now, the ones that have my immediate daily attention, are a real crossroads of time and cultures and interests.
For the project I'm working on, I'm dwelling on the 19th-century Indian Territory, specifically the Choctaw Nation (present southeast Oklahoma), microspecifically the tension between assimilationists and traditionalists, and micro-microspecifically as that tension was expressed by assimilations saying, "Hey, y'all white men, come on out here and take up Choctaw wives and farms," and traditionalists saying, "Y'all sorry white bastards stay the hell away from our women and stay the hell off our land."
The research itself is a dichotomy of erudite and redneck. Takes erudition to study the topic, which is, basically, a Western-frontier-cowboy-and-Indian kind of thing, ergo, rustic, i.e., "redneck."
Dream 2:
I feel inadequate to the task. It's a natural letdown from the high of finishing the degree -- and bein' history grad student of the year and liberal arts grad student of the year and all that shit. Big highs. Of course, they're followed by a low, and this is it. It will pass.
I also feel totally inadequate regarding some of the kinds of plain ol' everyday life things that everyone has: too much outgo, not enough income, bills, debt, stuff like that. Hey, that's life.
So, anyway, I do feel like I'm fixin' to be run over.
Dream 3:
More of the above. I was called on to do a task that I had some familiarity with, but no actual experience doing. Note in the dream that I didn't panic. I called for help, but I called for someone I thought had the know-how required. And I plunged forward. And that's what I'm doing with the things that are occupying my mind. Giving up is not an option.
Dream 4:
No frickin' clue. I woke up laughin' at myself for mistakin' bears for buffalo. I don't know what the significance was of one bein' a wild critter (bears) and one bein' docile (buffalos).
The mistake could have been as simple as my subconscious bitching that I need new glasses. I can't read the crawlies on the TV. But it'll be after the first of the year before I can afford a new pair. (I'm extremely nearsighted: No "$49" specs at the mall for me; hundreds of dollars, even with insurance.)
And Bird needs new specs, too, and since she's on my insurance, it's up to me -- and she, too, has to wait. It is gonna be a hugs-and-handshakes Christmas -- and THAT has me down, too.
--ER
Dream 1:
Most of my adult life, I have found myself straddling lines. Conservative culturally, liberal politically. Little bit country, little bit rock'n'roll. Baptist in fundamental theology and church polity, mainline-liberal on how that should be applied in the world. Activist at heart, stuck, with the rest of the working press, in a detached mode, striving daily, in my work-work, for the elusive objectivity.
The fundamental dichotomy in my life is expressed in the name of this blog: erudite redneck. Sometimes it goes more one way than the other, but there are always elements of both.
It seems to others sometimes that one side, or the other, is a put-on. Both are part of me, but I am sometimes painfully conscious of the appearances that naturally result from such contradictions, which could be the underlying angst over imposture that Dr. B pointed out.
The lines I'm straddling right now, the ones that have my immediate daily attention, are a real crossroads of time and cultures and interests.
For the project I'm working on, I'm dwelling on the 19th-century Indian Territory, specifically the Choctaw Nation (present southeast Oklahoma), microspecifically the tension between assimilationists and traditionalists, and micro-microspecifically as that tension was expressed by assimilations saying, "Hey, y'all white men, come on out here and take up Choctaw wives and farms," and traditionalists saying, "Y'all sorry white bastards stay the hell away from our women and stay the hell off our land."
The research itself is a dichotomy of erudite and redneck. Takes erudition to study the topic, which is, basically, a Western-frontier-cowboy-and-Indian kind of thing, ergo, rustic, i.e., "redneck."
Dream 2:
I feel inadequate to the task. It's a natural letdown from the high of finishing the degree -- and bein' history grad student of the year and liberal arts grad student of the year and all that shit. Big highs. Of course, they're followed by a low, and this is it. It will pass.
I also feel totally inadequate regarding some of the kinds of plain ol' everyday life things that everyone has: too much outgo, not enough income, bills, debt, stuff like that. Hey, that's life.
So, anyway, I do feel like I'm fixin' to be run over.
Dream 3:
More of the above. I was called on to do a task that I had some familiarity with, but no actual experience doing. Note in the dream that I didn't panic. I called for help, but I called for someone I thought had the know-how required. And I plunged forward. And that's what I'm doing with the things that are occupying my mind. Giving up is not an option.
Dream 4:
No frickin' clue. I woke up laughin' at myself for mistakin' bears for buffalo. I don't know what the significance was of one bein' a wild critter (bears) and one bein' docile (buffalos).
The mistake could have been as simple as my subconscious bitching that I need new glasses. I can't read the crawlies on the TV. But it'll be after the first of the year before I can afford a new pair. (I'm extremely nearsighted: No "$49" specs at the mall for me; hundreds of dollars, even with insurance.)
And Bird needs new specs, too, and since she's on my insurance, it's up to me -- and she, too, has to wait. It is gonna be a hugs-and-handshakes Christmas -- and THAT has me down, too.
--ER
Comments:
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Focusing on one tiny item in the blog:
Buffalo's docile? The Wichita Mountain Wildlife Refuge Buffalo sale is the third Thursday of this month. Would be a good field trip. It is true that the small one's are more docile than the big ones. But it is telling that they herd the big ones with a Bob-Cat front end loader. Also, the only thing a full grown Griz won't attack is a full grown Bison.
Buffalo's docile? The Wichita Mountain Wildlife Refuge Buffalo sale is the third Thursday of this month. Would be a good field trip. It is true that the small one's are more docile than the big ones. But it is telling that they herd the big ones with a Bob-Cat front end loader. Also, the only thing a full grown Griz won't attack is a full grown Bison.
# posted by 
: 10:17 AM
: 10:17 AM 
ER, re: "But it'll be after the first of the year before I can afford a new pair. (I'm extremely nearsighted: No "$49" specs at the mall for me; hundreds of dollars, even with insurance.)
And Bird needs new specs, too, and since she's on my insurance, it's up to me -- and she, too, has to wait. It is gonna be a hugs-and-handshakes Christmas -- and THAT has me down, too."
Join the club. This kind of thing been happening to me my whole life. And my eyesight, when last checked, was 20/800 in both eyes.
And Bird needs new specs, too, and since she's on my insurance, it's up to me -- and she, too, has to wait. It is gonna be a hugs-and-handshakes Christmas -- and THAT has me down, too."
Join the club. This kind of thing been happening to me my whole life. And my eyesight, when last checked, was 20/800 in both eyes.
drlobojo? Are you referring to Wichita Falls, Texas or Wichita Kansas? I was raised in Wichita, Kansas. My mom and sister still live there as well as 2 of my kids.
Re. hugs and handshakes Christmas: been there for the last couple years, my friend. But you might could do some fun stuff super cheap: homemade cds (do you have a burner?), homemade food-type treats (like herb-infused olive oil or vinegar--but you have to get started now), homemade bath products (recipes easily available online), or even gently used gifts--in the past, we've passed on videotapes, books, clothes--either things we really loved but thought someone else would love too, or clothes that were very nice but that we just never used. My sister one year bought some super-cheap white mugs and some paints (or maybe it was a kit) and made everyone a personalized mug--since she's a great artist, they were really beautiful and while I've forgotten most of the presents she's given me over the years, I still use that one every morning....
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