Rev. Erudite Redneck, B.S., B.S., M.A., M.Div.

Dude, I hear ya! Do-not-call list my ass! One technique I've been using is to say hello in as broken english as I can. When they start talking, mumble a few incoherent words about not speaking English. They give up pretty fast after that. Another thing I've wanted to try: "So what are you wearing?"
 

I feel your pain. I like to ask if I can have their home number so I can call them back at a time more suitable for me. They don't usually give it -- wonder why.

RebelAngel
 

I love your idea -- LOL at the face of some stupid putz hearing that.
 

ER, I once resorted to answering all "unknown name, unknown number" calls by saying "Columbus County Sherriff's Department."

You would be surprised how fast they decide that they don't want to talk to you...
 

Guess what? I used to ne a telemarketer. And the more professional of us had just as many dirty tricks as the ones we called.

My favorite phone prank was one I invented one day when I called a number that was listed under another name.

I called and asked for Mr. "Smith" (I don't remember what the name really was, so for this account I'll just say Mr. Smith) The new owner of the number got very angry just because I had the wrong number and chewed me out, whereupon i apologised, and hanged up.

Immediately, I got a friend to call her back and ask for Mr Smith. This time the woman got even angrier. Then, another friend repeated the exercise for me. And then, another. And another. Eventually, after about 5-6 calls for Mr. Smith, and the owner of the number ready to explode in rage, I called back, and said, "Hello, this is Mr. Smith. Have there been any calls for me?"

Funniest part of this is this: She answered, "Well, as a matter of fact....."

Absolutely hilarious.
 

M&M, I've done that, too. We all thought it was hilarious, too. Make somebody all flustered like that. Then call 'em again and get 'em more flustered.

Of course, we were 10 at the time, so I can't say we were the more "professional of us." We also called and asked folks if their refrigerators were running.
 

When the Vietnamese refugees came to Fort Chaffee, Ark. (about 20 miles from where ER grew up), I was 12. Many of them, after they got their selves together, moved just off base, into the city of Fort Smith, Ark.

We used to marvel that almost all of the Virtnamese boys drove Trans Ams. I don't think that means anything in Vietnamese, but it sounds like it.

My good friend in high school used to randomly pick a Vietnamese name out of the phone book, say, Tu Nguyen, cal up say, "Mr. Nguyen?"

"Yes."

"This is Sgt. Tom Jackson with the Sebastian County Sheriff's Department."

"Yes."

"We've got your bicycle located, and it's now in our property room. That's in the basement of the courthouse."

Inevitably, the poor person on the other end would say, in a small voice, "Yes. Thank-you-very-much."

We used to wonder how many random Vietnamese showed up at the Sheriff's Department lookin' for their bicycles."

BTW, I didn't say what we did was right. Just one way we hillbilly kids dealt with an influx of thousands of foreigners. :-)
 

Four words, ER: Do Not Call List. Sign up for it now. Put every number you own on it -- *now* including your mobile numbers. It may take 6 months, but then if you're still getting calls, just keep a running tally for the FCC. TM: "Hello, Mr ___?" You: Yes, um, can I have your name and compnay please? TM: Excuse me? you: I"m on the Federal DNC list. Please give me your name and company so I can can report your ass to the government and your company will receive a *huge* fine.

Unfortunately, once you're in the system just telling the individual company to take you off the list doesn't help much. Buying and selling lists of names is *big* business. So, nip it at the bud. Does OK have a state list? Signed, much quieter life (and lower blood pressure.) And as a mark of how bad it's gotten, I recently had a 2nd line put in which only has an old phone attached. I've given the number to *no one* and that line rings 4-5 times a day.
 

I just used to hang up before they could say anything, you could always tell. Then I just cancelled my phone service.
 

I just got passed this as a "joke":

The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening
meal, and
as I answered it I was greeted with, "Is this William
Wagenhoss?" This
didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is
calling?"

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer
Company
or something like that and then I asked him if he knew William
personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said
off to
the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the
blood." I
then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had
entered
a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already
traced
this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the
local
courthouse to testify in this murder case.
I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name,
address,
phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew
the dead
guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before
he made
this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his
answers
were given in a shaky voice.
I proceeded to tell him we had located his position at his work
place
and the police were entering the building to take him into
custody. At
that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his
running
away.
My husband asked me as I returned to our table, why I had tears
streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell him for
about
fifteen minutes.
 

That's a hoot!