Saturday, August 27, 2005
Prestidigitation .. and racin' as religion
We interrupt the NASCAR High Holy Day, known colloquially as the Bristol Night Race, so high a redneck holy day, in fact, that Bird came home for it! -- read more about the family racin' religion here -- to announce the following:
Ol' ER managed to use two different sets of pruners, his brand-new lopping shears, and a hatchet -- plus some Tangleroot tree salve, a petroleum distillate -- and managed to neither lop off any fingers or toes nor blow hisself up.
The closest he came to injury was in droppin' some limbs on his tennis shoe-clad feet, so clad 'cause he was in a rush and didn't put on his trusty Redwings.
We now return to the Bristol Night Race, where we are happy if Tony Stewart gets some more points.
However, Dr. ER and Bird are Junior fans first. I am a Kevin Harvick fan first, 'cause he got Dale Sr.'s ride, then for Junior, although it's damn close. We also all cheer and holler for Mikey Waldrip.
Oh. BIG BIRD NEWS:
She says she thinks this guy she has been hangin' with might could be her next main squeeze. Someobdy hold me. The boy is a gen-yoo-wine YANKEE. From Masa-fricking-chusetts! Transferred to Oklahoma State from a community college in LOWELL.
Holy Lincoln Republican, it don't get no more Yankee than that. Somebody say a prayer. I might have to stay up late tonight and read one of my bools about Marse Robert, just to keep from goin' off.
:-) She says the boy, though has done demonstrated some right fine qualities. He looks sorter like Junior from the side, she says. That's for her. And he's done been converted to racin'. That's for me, and her.
But. Lord. Help. Me.
--ER
Ol' ER managed to use two different sets of pruners, his brand-new lopping shears, and a hatchet -- plus some Tangleroot tree salve, a petroleum distillate -- and managed to neither lop off any fingers or toes nor blow hisself up.
The closest he came to injury was in droppin' some limbs on his tennis shoe-clad feet, so clad 'cause he was in a rush and didn't put on his trusty Redwings.
We now return to the Bristol Night Race, where we are happy if Tony Stewart gets some more points.
However, Dr. ER and Bird are Junior fans first. I am a Kevin Harvick fan first, 'cause he got Dale Sr.'s ride, then for Junior, although it's damn close. We also all cheer and holler for Mikey Waldrip.
Oh. BIG BIRD NEWS:
She says she thinks this guy she has been hangin' with might could be her next main squeeze. Someobdy hold me. The boy is a gen-yoo-wine YANKEE. From Masa-fricking-chusetts! Transferred to Oklahoma State from a community college in LOWELL.
Holy Lincoln Republican, it don't get no more Yankee than that. Somebody say a prayer. I might have to stay up late tonight and read one of my bools about Marse Robert, just to keep from goin' off.
:-) She says the boy, though has done demonstrated some right fine qualities. He looks sorter like Junior from the side, she says. That's for her. And he's done been converted to racin'. That's for me, and her.
But. Lord. Help. Me.
--ER
Comments:
<< Home
Now, now, E.R. Lotsa mixed relationships work out just fine. Just take a deep breath, and when you meet this young man, smile.
Can't be any less comfy than the time I went to visit my girl's parents on their farm in deep eastern Montana. Got there as the sun was rising, after an all night drive, and dad and junior were so pissed off, they were hucking firewood at each other.
Everyone was real polite after, though.
Everyone was real polite after, though.
I'd almost dang near she fell fer a .. um .. a M ... a Mes ... a Meski ... a gentleman of Hispanic persuasion.
Or a person of color from, say 'Bama.
And I ain't kidding. I know and love them types. They are my kind of people.
Yankees, though. Hoo boy.
'Specially them that've learned Murkan history from the Yankee perspective.
Fact is, Bird is half Northern.
Her daddy is from upstate New York. Which is tolerable, despite Elmira (sp?)
But then her daddy has been thoroughly Texanized, s'far s'I can tell. ...
And don't y'all social lefties who come 'round here give me any grief.
I tolerate. That's all y'all will ever get from me.
Back to the race ...
Or a person of color from, say 'Bama.
And I ain't kidding. I know and love them types. They are my kind of people.
Yankees, though. Hoo boy.
'Specially them that've learned Murkan history from the Yankee perspective.
Fact is, Bird is half Northern.
Her daddy is from upstate New York. Which is tolerable, despite Elmira (sp?)
But then her daddy has been thoroughly Texanized, s'far s'I can tell. ...
And don't y'all social lefties who come 'round here give me any grief.
I tolerate. That's all y'all will ever get from me.
Back to the race ...
Er, I'm sorry to hear about Bird's lack of judgement.
It will prob'ly be okay though, provided that her Yankee is young enough to not be too set in his ways. I have confidence in your ability to re-educate him properly.
As you said, back to the race!
I personally like Tony stewart now, Dale Sr. being dead and all(God rest his soul...)
What ever you think about his personality, he kicks serious booty on the track.
My other favorite driver to root for is everyone but Jeff Gordon.
YEEEE-HAH!!
It will prob'ly be okay though, provided that her Yankee is young enough to not be too set in his ways. I have confidence in your ability to re-educate him properly.
As you said, back to the race!
I personally like Tony stewart now, Dale Sr. being dead and all(God rest his soul...)
What ever you think about his personality, he kicks serious booty on the track.
My other favorite driver to root for is everyone but Jeff Gordon.
YEEEE-HAH!!
I just always note the similarities. Folks from Eastern Oregon are a lot like people from Wyoming who are a lot like people from Nebraska who are a lot like people from Oklahoma.
Massachusetts though? I've met a number of them myself, and either you have my sympathy, or suggest that you prepare to have a lot of laughs.
Massachusetts though? I've met a number of them myself, and either you have my sympathy, or suggest that you prepare to have a lot of laughs.
This is true, rich.
Plains dwellers are similar, no matter which part they hail from, although the dialects vary. Where I live now, hard by Oklahoma City, is the Plains, and where I lived for 10 years before, in northwest Texas, is the Plains.
Southerners, too, are similar. Where I grew up, in what I call the toehills of the Ozarks in eastern Oklahoma, people are similar to Arkies and east Texans, who are similar to Louisianans and Mississippians and 'Bamans and such. Dialects differ there, too. My Ozark twang is just a distant cousin to ol' Tug's Carolinian lilt, I reckon.
Plains dwellers are similar, no matter which part they hail from, although the dialects vary. Where I live now, hard by Oklahoma City, is the Plains, and where I lived for 10 years before, in northwest Texas, is the Plains.
Southerners, too, are similar. Where I grew up, in what I call the toehills of the Ozarks in eastern Oklahoma, people are similar to Arkies and east Texans, who are similar to Louisianans and Mississippians and 'Bamans and such. Dialects differ there, too. My Ozark twang is just a distant cousin to ol' Tug's Carolinian lilt, I reckon.
RELAX. As soon as a gal thinks a guy's "the one," he senses it. Then he's gone.
It'll take care of itself.
It'll take care of itself.
# posted by 
: 3:45 PM
: 3:45 PM
Oh, I don't think she thinks he's "the one." Just "the next one." :-) This'd make only three real boyfriends Bird's ever had.
I once dated a Carolina-born, Carolina-bred Yankee. He was just as much a Yankee as if he had been raised up north. The whole demise of that relationship can only be described as God saving me from myself. Tug'll vouch for me, he remembers it well.
My husband is from West Virginia, which I believe to be more southern than some of the actual southern states. But he gets a little antsy at the term Yankee, I guess because he was so close to the line.
It's all perspective. I hope whatever happens, that Bird will be happy.
My husband is from West Virginia, which I believe to be more southern than some of the actual southern states. But he gets a little antsy at the term Yankee, I guess because he was so close to the line.
It's all perspective. I hope whatever happens, that Bird will be happy.
Oh, and I'm a Jeff Burton fan. So the results of the race were good for me. It's been so long since Jeffy had a good run.
Also love Dale Jr. and Tony Stewart's always dependable to make things interesting. Can't stand Jeff Gordon--whines too much.
Also love Dale Jr. and Tony Stewart's always dependable to make things interesting. Can't stand Jeff Gordon--whines too much.
Bird seems to make happiness as she goes. :-)
That's a big 10-4 on Jeff Gordon's whining.
Speakin' of Burtons; We miss Ward!!!!!
That's a big 10-4 on Jeff Gordon's whining.
Speakin' of Burtons; We miss Ward!!!!!
Oh, Daffy, I have always said that God has to have carpal tunnel syndrom from repetitive stress from saving my heiny from the ditch, time after time after time. ;-)
Post a Comment
<< Home
