Friday, August 12, 2005
"ER the Cable Guy"
*New and Improved! Now with link to facts about the brown recluse spider!* (Thanks to regular commenter Nick Toper)
So, Larry the Cable Guy -- redneck comedian extraordinaire; makes Foxworthy look like the Hushpuppy-wearin' suburban Atlantan he is -- has this joke that goes somethin' like this here:
"My horse broke his leg. So I shot it. Now it has a broke leg and a gunshot wound."
Call me ER the Cable Guy.
I went to the doctor today with a sore foot. Got an injection. Now I have a sore foot and a pain in the ass!
Whew! Been 25-30 years since I got a shot to the hindquarters! Hurt plumb through to the front. Felt like a hot wire wigglin' around in there.
But it was a wash, discomfortwise. In the process, a cute freckle-faced nursin' gal from South Carolina had to touch my heiny. My inner Joey Triviani(sp? from "Friends") said: "How YOU doin'?"
Got two different kinds of dope outta the deal. Including one used to treat leprosy -- I kid you not.
I was right about it bein' a brown recluse bite. Doc said it was a textbook case. He took one look at it and said, "Oh, that looks very angry," and whipped out a scrip pad and strarted writin' them up as he dispatched sweet-thing from South Carolina to get some gauze and dead-skin removal devices and such.
Gotta go back a week from today.
Here's y'all some advice: Don't go gettin' bit by a dang brown recluse, a.k.a. fiddleback spider. My backside still smarts, three hours after gettin' poked.
--ER
So, Larry the Cable Guy -- redneck comedian extraordinaire; makes Foxworthy look like the Hushpuppy-wearin' suburban Atlantan he is -- has this joke that goes somethin' like this here:
"My horse broke his leg. So I shot it. Now it has a broke leg and a gunshot wound."
Call me ER the Cable Guy.
I went to the doctor today with a sore foot. Got an injection. Now I have a sore foot and a pain in the ass!
Whew! Been 25-30 years since I got a shot to the hindquarters! Hurt plumb through to the front. Felt like a hot wire wigglin' around in there.
But it was a wash, discomfortwise. In the process, a cute freckle-faced nursin' gal from South Carolina had to touch my heiny. My inner Joey Triviani(sp? from "Friends") said: "How YOU doin'?"
Got two different kinds of dope outta the deal. Including one used to treat leprosy -- I kid you not.
I was right about it bein' a brown recluse bite. Doc said it was a textbook case. He took one look at it and said, "Oh, that looks very angry," and whipped out a scrip pad and strarted writin' them up as he dispatched sweet-thing from South Carolina to get some gauze and dead-skin removal devices and such.
Gotta go back a week from today.
Here's y'all some advice: Don't go gettin' bit by a dang brown recluse, a.k.a. fiddleback spider. My backside still smarts, three hours after gettin' poked.
--ER
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Every ten years, I wander off the trail somewhere, and when I do, the black thing gets me.
It doesn't fly, it hops. That much I can see. The first indication that something is wrong is the shooting pain all throughout my left leg (both times it's been the left one). I go to slap it off, and realize that the damn thing has claws, and I need to rip it out of my skin. Shortly thereafter, my leg swells to twice its normal size.
I'm not looking forward to 2008, which will bring me right up to date with the son of a bitch, and in any case will try always to stay on the trail.
Cortisone shots in the ass always have followed these little events for me, and so I say, I feel for ya', Red.
It doesn't fly, it hops. That much I can see. The first indication that something is wrong is the shooting pain all throughout my left leg (both times it's been the left one). I go to slap it off, and realize that the damn thing has claws, and I need to rip it out of my skin. Shortly thereafter, my leg swells to twice its normal size.
I'm not looking forward to 2008, which will bring me right up to date with the son of a bitch, and in any case will try always to stay on the trail.
Cortisone shots in the ass always have followed these little events for me, and so I say, I feel for ya', Red.
Feel free to feel my pain. Just don't try to fell my heiny -- less'n yer a cutie girl from Dixie. ;-) Hoot!
(Could very well be my drugs talkin' here, y'all who think I'm thinkin' too much with my butt. ... I've sure got a buttload of 'em ...
(Could very well be my drugs talkin' here, y'all who think I'm thinkin' too much with my butt. ... I've sure got a buttload of 'em ...
If I tried to fell your heiny, would I be trying to knock you on your butt?
And if your heiny got felled in the woods and nobody was there to see it, would you jump up like it didn't happen, or would you post another tale (tail) on your blog about how you got tackled from BEHIND by a phantom bunch of teenagers terrorizing the urban countryside by knocking over creatures with hind legs in a sling?
And if you are going to blame it on the drugs, how can you be sure she said South Carolina?
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And if your heiny got felled in the woods and nobody was there to see it, would you jump up like it didn't happen, or would you post another tale (tail) on your blog about how you got tackled from BEHIND by a phantom bunch of teenagers terrorizing the urban countryside by knocking over creatures with hind legs in a sling?
And if you are going to blame it on the drugs, how can you be sure she said South Carolina?
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: 12:55 PM
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