Rev. Erudite Redneck, B.S., B.S., M.A., M.Div.

By The Erudite Redneck

Well, I finally got my nuts scraped this afternoon.

There is a single oak tree in my front yard. Last fall it produced an ungodly number of acorns. All winter I meant to get them up while they were just lyin’ there on the ground, pretty as you please. A stiff-tined rake usually does it.

But noooo. Busy with school – and damn close to crazy because of the Reformation class, Bird’s havin’ flown the nest for Oklahoma State – and bein’ estranged from dang near all things domestic, I just never got around to it.

Which is why, just judgin’ from the flower beds and the yard, our place looks like it’s been vacant awhile. Or did, until today when I finally spent most of the day bein’ redneck, and not so much bein’ erudite.

Spent two hours scraping my nuts – “scraping” because havin’ been left on the ground since last fall, them little buggers had snuggled into the ground real good, had started to germinate and some had ever sprouted.

So rather than just bein’ able to drag a stiff-tined rake across my nuts, I had to use some elbow grease and use the rake to gouge ‘em out, then scrape 'em and rake ‘em.

I gouged and scraped and raked from the trunk of the tree outward a couple of feet, then I gouged and scraped and raked from the dripline inward a few feet, creating a donut nut around the tree, about 4 inches high at its tallest, about 2 feet wide.

Then I sat on my backside, scoochin’ around, pickin’ the dang things up a handful at a time and plunkin’ ‘em into a plastic trash can I keep in the garage for just such yardly work.

Took two hours of gouging, scraping, raking and grabbing and handling and plunking to get the job done. Filled that sucker up twice: That’s 52 gallons of acorns (counting twigs and dead grass and leaves and such).

My inner redneck got his exercise today – augmented this morning by an hour and half or so cleanin’ the garage and loadin’ up the truck and haulin’ stuff to the transfer station, which is what they call a dump in town.

Trips to the dump used to put me in a good mood. I’m just so out of shape to do anything physical anymore I’ve just been dra-a-a-gg-ggiing. Well, I’m workin’ on it.

While I was handlin’ my nuts, it occurred to me that the reason I’ve been sad and mopey so much lately boils down to grief. I’m grieving several things right now. Maybe I’ll post about it, but not right now. Bird’s home, Dr. ER’s home and fried catfish beckons, across town.

END