Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Horseplay at the shirt factory
By The Erudite Redneck
A bunch of my dress shirts are defective.
They’re just typical oxford-cloth button-downs, 16 1/2-inch neck, 35-inch sleeves -- but somebody at the shirt factory snuck some extra layers of material in at the middle, from an area about even with the pocket, down to my belt.
That’s why they pooch out so much right there, and it’s why my pants are so tight lately.
Funny how more and more of my shirts have come that way from the store since the summer of ‘01, when I started grad school and started spending so much time behind computers -- this one at work, and the one at home.
The spring of ‘01 also was the last time I gardened. When I garden, I garden hard. Maters. Squirsh. Cukes. Carrots. Radishes -- white and red. I’ve also grown okry and green beans and herbs (the legal kind.).
And when I garden, the yard looks better because I’m out in it all the time and I want it to look nice. So, when I garden, and keep the yard and trees and landscaping up, it’s an all-day deal almost every Saturday, and sometimes on Sunday.
But I quit all that when I started grad school. Which caught me by surprise. I hadn’t really given any thought at all to what I’d have to give up in order to have time to study, do research and write. Because that’s ALL a masters’ degree in history is: Reading, researching, writing.
And none of that takes much physical energy. And not burning much energy -- plus eating poorly just to stuff something in my mouth between class and work and homework and life -- leads to unintended results.
But how do those sneaky folks at the shirt factory know all that about me? How do they know I’m more sedentary than I’ve ever been? I know they’re sneaking those extra layers into the middle of my shirts just to be funny -- and to distract me from my studies.
But I don’t appreciate it one dadgum bit. I know I’m fit -- fit to be tied when I think about those jokesters at the shirt factory.
END
A bunch of my dress shirts are defective.
They’re just typical oxford-cloth button-downs, 16 1/2-inch neck, 35-inch sleeves -- but somebody at the shirt factory snuck some extra layers of material in at the middle, from an area about even with the pocket, down to my belt.
That’s why they pooch out so much right there, and it’s why my pants are so tight lately.
Funny how more and more of my shirts have come that way from the store since the summer of ‘01, when I started grad school and started spending so much time behind computers -- this one at work, and the one at home.
The spring of ‘01 also was the last time I gardened. When I garden, I garden hard. Maters. Squirsh. Cukes. Carrots. Radishes -- white and red. I’ve also grown okry and green beans and herbs (the legal kind.).
And when I garden, the yard looks better because I’m out in it all the time and I want it to look nice. So, when I garden, and keep the yard and trees and landscaping up, it’s an all-day deal almost every Saturday, and sometimes on Sunday.
But I quit all that when I started grad school. Which caught me by surprise. I hadn’t really given any thought at all to what I’d have to give up in order to have time to study, do research and write. Because that’s ALL a masters’ degree in history is: Reading, researching, writing.
And none of that takes much physical energy. And not burning much energy -- plus eating poorly just to stuff something in my mouth between class and work and homework and life -- leads to unintended results.
But how do those sneaky folks at the shirt factory know all that about me? How do they know I’m more sedentary than I’ve ever been? I know they’re sneaking those extra layers into the middle of my shirts just to be funny -- and to distract me from my studies.
But I don’t appreciate it one dadgum bit. I know I’m fit -- fit to be tied when I think about those jokesters at the shirt factory.
END
Comments:
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You've got some odd extra characters showing up in your post... other than that, it's very funny. :-)
# posted by 
: 7:45 PM
: 7:45 PM
Thanks. :-) ... Does anyone else see "odd characters"? I don't see anything. !!! Maybe the commenter means I'm an odd character!
ER is up to his old tricks again. Stump burnin? Rednecks don't burn stumps, they yank them out after hitchin' a good team of mules. That's because rednecks aren't to be trusted with fire. They aren't much to be trusted with the loan of mules either, as far as that goes. Best thing is to get a bale of hay and a jug or two in exchange for the stump pullin.' That way the mules eat and the jug gets passed around before the night's over. Makes for a decent night's work.
# posted by : 6:34 PM
: 6:34 PM
I don't know too many people, personally, other than myself, who can both "get" the redneck zeitgeist AND express an idea so clearly. However, the rednecks of which this here commenter writes are from at least 65 years ago, which was the last time Daddy used mules in such a manner. I hear him, though, and his understanding is appreciated. The writer must have big feet, like me, probably in a pair of Redwings -- which gives him such a solid footin' on his thinkin'.
--ER
--ER
Rednecks wear dress shirts?? You sure they're not flannel shirts? Flannel does shrink up a bit, ya' know. ;)
# posted by : 12:21 PM
: 12:21 PM
Welp, this is what happens when economics causes farm populations to drop. Rednecks have to move to town and take jobs. But worry not: My white collar can't cover up my blu-collar roots -- or my red neck. :-)
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